


To learn to let it glow

by Sylencia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Break Up, Cute, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, I swear, Kinda, Love, M/M, MadaTobi - Freeform, No Smut, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, but it starts as hashimada, don't be scared about it, good ending, might add tags later, no beta we die like men, sorry - Freeform, tobimada - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:19:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylencia/pseuds/Sylencia
Summary: He was sixteen, when Madara's soulmark started glowing on the inside of his wrist. It meant his soulmate was close, the person that could make him the happiest he could ever be. A fate Madara wasn't really comfortable with.Maybe it was a good thing, that he had been surrounded with five thousand people at that moment.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The infamous soulmate au !
> 
> So yeah, I said I was going to post this during the week and ... it's sunday ? Still part of the week ? Who am I kidding, it's 1:30 in the morning .. Monday morning !
> 
> Anyways, here it is ! It should be 13 chapters long. It wasn't supposed to be that long, so chapter cutting might look weird, and some chapters are longer than others but oh well ..  
> I hope you'll enjoy it anyways !

Soulmate marks always had been the strangest thing. Some were big, some were small. Some never glowed like they were supposed to, when one's soulmate was close and others would glow enough to light up a whole room. People had always been wary of them, they had been seen as the Devil's mark during the Dark ages of History, other people used it in Art, as the ultimate sign of love and others just didn't care and spent their life ignoring the mark on the inner side of their wrist.  
  
It was its usual place, but it could change, if people were missing a limb. There even had been cases of the mark changing its place when its owner lost an arm and it would appear on some other part of their body. It had been studied but nobody was able to put an explanation on it.  
  
There was that sect, that often appeared on TV during the last couple of years, that was claiming it was the mark of a God, that humanity had been blessed with the opportunity to find their perfect match during their lifetime and that, in exchange, people should stop fighting and live in peace all together. These people were seen as crazy by most medias but they were gaining more and more credit as time passed and scientist were still unable to explain the mark and how it worked.  
  
The only thing they were able to affirm for sure, until now, was that it never had been wrong before. That people actually finding their match would live happily for the rest of their life.

* * *

Madara was a sixteen years old teen, and the first time his mark glowed, he was surrounded with five thousand people, at the beginning of a concert. He didn't notice it right away, he had been chatting with his little brother Izuna about the concert they were going to assist to. The two of them were young, maybe too young for such a concert but they had slipped away from their parent's care, bought their tickets online with the pocket money they received every week and officially, they currently were camping with friends.  
  
Said friends were aware of their little trick and would cover them without a beat if their parents called.  
  
The band wasn't playing yet, people were still gathering around the place, taking their seats or coming into the pit. Madara already had found the perfect spot in the pit with Izuna, to watch their favourite band play. Their excitation was at its peak, they both had waited for this moment for months, since the tickets arrived home and they almost couldn't believe it was happening but here they were, smiling like dorks and looking like their heart was going to explode. Izuna was almost trembling with anticipation and Madara was sure his little brother wouldn't be able to sleep for days after this.  
  
He wouldn't either, after all.  
  
It was Izuna who noticed the glowing mark on his wrist. He had a frown on his brow, as if he wasn't sure what was happening but he took his brother's hand in his, turned his arm around and stared at the mark with wide eyes.  
  
Madara let his brother do as he wanted, used to Izuna's touch, he was looking away, at a cute chick not far from him, wondering if it'd be polite to ask for her number. She looked like she was his age and she kept smiling and blushing, as he was staring. She was into him, wasn't she ?  
  
An itch on his wrist made him look away in annoyance, he scratched the inside of his wrist without more than a groan, asking himself if a bug stung him but Izuna clapped his hand away, shook his arm.  
  
“Mada, look !” he called out with excitement. “Your mark !”  
  
Frowning at his brother's agitated tone, Madara turned his eyes to him, then at the mark on his wrist and he froze.  
  
It was glowing. It was really faint, and almost unnoticeable but the intricate wavy pattern was glowing a deep dark blue and it felt almost hot, with an itchy sensation from under the skin.  
  
Madara stared at it for the longest time, completely struck by the meaning of it. He had been told, in the past, that seeing his mark glow for the first with always was quite a shock. His parents had told him so, his grand-parents too. They all said it would fill his heart with love and hope and Madara was feeling exactly that. His heart was pounding in his chest, his eyes were wide and he almost couldn't believe what he was seeing. This couldn't be right, could it ? Wasn't he too young to see his mark glow ? It usually happened later in life, when people matured and were beginning to know what they wanted in life. But, among the little things the scientist had been able to identify about the mark, there was the fact that it glowed when one's soulmate was close. That distance played quite a role on its trigger and Madara almost immediately looked around.  
  
His mark had sensed his soulmate. It meant that, not far from him, there was a person with a similar or matching mark, that was glowing too. But the crowd was thickening, the concert was going to start soon and Madara saw nothing of that sort. His soulmate could be outside the concert hall for all he knew and Madara glanced at his hopeful little brother, trying not to show his thoughts.  
  
Izuna always had the purest soul, he believed that marks were a gift of the Divine, and all he wanted in life was to find his match and make them the happiest he could. His mark never glowed yet but he was young, one year younger than Madara and Izuna never lost hope.  
  
Madara, on the contrary, never was a believer. He wasn't comfortable with the fact that his fate already was written in stone, that he had no power over his own life. He didn't like to be told that he wouldn't be able to decide who to love. Also, there were chances for it to make mistakes, no ? It couldn't always be right, it couldn't be that perfect. Perfection didn't exist in this world and the mark was no exception.  
  
However, he couldn't deny that seeing his mark glow was making him think of it differently. Did it mean there actually was a perfect match for him in his world ? Did it mean that there was a person, not that far from him if he could believe the glow of his mark, that'd be able to make him the happiest he'd ever be ? The thought was almost suffocating, almost too much for him to handle and Madara discreetly rested his weight against one of the barriers, he breathed out and closed his eyes for a moment.  
  
Izuna, as the perfect brother he was, hugged him and kept his excitement for himself. Madara could feel how his brother was holding himself back, so he wouldn't aggravate his state, he knew Izuna's state of mind about soulmates and yet, his brother was only comforting him, helping him calm down a little but it was going to take some time.  
  
He was too young to settle for something that permanent, Madara told himself. Too young to fall in love, to find his soulmate. Heck, he couldn't even think of anything he'd say to that person when he'd meet them. All he hopes was for it to be a girl. He had read stories about people dating the opposite gender all their life only to find out their soulmate was of the same gender.  
  
Madara could handle a lot but he wasn't sure he'd be comfortable with meeting with a guy with a matching, glowing mark on his wrist. He wasn't gay, nor bi. He was nothing but straight and it wasn't going to change at all.

* * *

Years later, as he was entering in College, Madara's only hope was for his soulmate to be a guy. He had been such a fool to think of himself as the straightest guy in town and after years of dating guys, Madara was well aware of it. Of course he was gay. It was so obvious to him now and he couldn't believe how stupid he used to be. His first (secret) date with a guy had been a revelation and Madara would never date girls any more. They were pretty and cute and nice and they smelled good but they really weren't his thing.  
  
His mark hadn't glowed since the concert. Madara had been aware of Izuna's numerous glances toward his wrist along the years and his little brother had looked more often around them, trying to find Madara's match rather than toward the scene where their favourite band had been playing. He probably missed half the show, searching for his big brother's soulmate but Madara never said a word about it. He knew his brother's soul and his pure heart and he didn't want to break it nor hurt him.  
  
Izuna didn't find his soulmate, of course but he kept smiling. He was happy for his brother and held his hand as they left the concert hall, giddy on his feet as they walked home but Madara had stared down at his mark until it stopped glowing and went back to its normal state again. The itch disappeared, the hot sensation too and despite everything, Madara was relieved. He hadn't been ready for such an engagement and years later, he still wasn't ready for it.  
  
That's exactly the moment his mark decided to glow again.  
  
It was faint, as faint as the first time, almost unnoticeable if it hadn't been for the itchy sensation and Madara had been waiting for Izuna to arrive. They had decided to walk home together, Izuna's school was close to college and they finished their lesson around the same time.  
  
Madara didn't look at it right away, thinking of a bug bite again, as the sensation was close but he knew better. And he tried to ignore it, the best he could, he really did but it was no use. He looked down after a moment, stared at the glowing waves and he sighed. So his soulmate was close again ? Madara wasn't sure what to think of it, he wasn't sure he wanted to meet that person.  
  
As time had passed, Madara had started to become a little bitter about it. All of this soulmate story felt so overrated, like it was one huge hoax and Madara wasn't going to be a fool about it. Maybe it was the truth, maybe it wasn't but he didn't care anymore. He wasn't going to let such a tiny, miserable thing rule his life and he was happy the way he was, leading his life the way he wanted. He didn't care for Izuna's attempts to cheer him up and Izuna trying to convince him it worked, that it was a real thing. Madara had become skeptical about the whole story.  
  
He had lovers, after all, lover that made him happy in the past. Sure, they broke up everytime, mostly because he wasn't the easiest person to deal with and Madara was aware of it. But all of these romances had brought him good thoughts and nice moments and Madara didn't ask for more than that. The whole soulmate thing seemed too much to believe in and more and more people were getting suspicious about its veracity.  
  
“Is it glowing again ?”  
  
As he had been staring at his mark, Madara hadn't heard Izuna join him and he didn't have the time to answer as Izuna grabbed his hand to examine the mark with care. He touched it, several times, he ran his thumb over it and gave a tentative smile to his brother but Madara looked away with a frown.  
  
“Let's go home.”  
  
Izuna didn't push it. He was aware of his brother's views about the mark and for it to glow again meant only one thing : Madara was going to be grumpy, for the incoming days. Madara didn't believe in soulmate marks anymore, not even a little and Izuna couldn't help but feel bad for his brother. But he knew one thing : Madara would change his mind, when he'd meet with his soulmate. The fact that he once said that he hoped his soulmate was a guy meant that there still was a speck of hope in him. Maybe not enough to have him look for the person that'd make him the happiest man in the world, but enough to nudge him a little when the time would come.  
  
Enough for Izuna to work with and he was going to make sure that Madara at least tries to date this person when he finally meets with them.  
  
However, seeing Madara's face and the way he was hiding his wrist, Izuna was aware of how much work it was going to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2 !
> 
> Apparently you people loved chapter 1 and were waiting for this so, here it is !  
> Be ready for a little bit of drama and Tobirama's first appearance !
> 
> Chapter 3 shall arrive by the end of the week, I think! 
> 
> Thank you all for commenting, kudos and all, you're the best!

A couple of years later, his mark hadn't stopped glowing yet. Well, it did stop glowing, for a year, it would light up on occasion, during short amounts of time and Madara was getting more and more annoyed with it. It would light up at random moments, when he was walking down the hall, when he was heading to his next class of when he was eating in the cafeteria. But it'd always die out after a couple of days and Madara had started to feel like a damn Christmas tree.  
  
Now, as he was close to his Bachelor degree, Madara missed those times. He missed the way his mark would just glow for days and then stop glowing for weeks on. Because now, it was worse than that. Madara had thought it couldn't be worse but it did and his mark never stopped glowing at all anymore. It was alight all day, and all night long, never fading. And the itching was getting so bad sometimes, he had started to scratch it quite hard, eventually hurting his wrist and he had woken up more than once with blood under his nails.  
  
Izuna was worried about him. Of course he was. He was witnessing his big brother go mad about that “stupid mark” and he couldn't do anything to help. He had tried to help Madara, convince him that actually searching for his soulmate was the best choice he had but Madara had been quite direct about it : “Are you fucking kidding me ? I won't meet the stupid asshole who makes me want to tear that mark off !”.  
  
So long for his good intentions, Izuna had abandoned the idea for a while. He searched for solutions to help his brother but he stopped giving him all the advices he saw online. Izuna was too concerned about the whole story but Madara didn't want his help so he kept for himself the support groups he found, people who were in Madara's case and would actually be able to help him. Izuna had searched them for a long time, he met with the people in charge or these groups, spoke about his brother, telling them how desperate he was to help Madara but they all answer the same thing : they couldn't do anything if Madara wasn't cooperative.  
  
Izuna kept it all, of course. Just in case, just if he noticed any change in Madara's attitude about soulmate marks. He had a whole file in his bedroom, he was ready to brandish it if Madara asked for his help. But he did find a way to soothe Madara's pain and frustration. Madara didn't believe it'd work, at first, he was so deep in his denial and his pain to think straight but Izuna did the thing and Madara was feeling better and better with every day.  
  
The solution Izuna came up with was quite simple, and quite rudimentary. He merely bandaged Madara's wrist after applying some lotion. Madara didn't believe it'd work, at first, he didn't believe it'd do him any good but Izuna asked for his trust and despite everything, Madara could never deny it to his baby brother. And it worked quite well.  
  
Not having his glowing mark under the nose all day, reminding him that his soul was bound to another, that his path in love was already written by some god or any other mean helped him calm down, it helped him forget. And the itch was soothed by the lotion.  
  
Now, Madara kept the bandage all day and all night longs, he'd only take it off to take a shower and even then, he'd keep his eyes closed so he wouldn't see the mark. He had learned to do without his sight, he was used to it now and Izuna was always willing to bandage it again when Madara asked. Madara couldn't even tell anymore if his mark was glowing, the glow didn't light past the thick bandage and it was perfect this way. He didn't feel as oppressed by it anymore.  
  
And, Madara didn't care for his soulmate. He had Hashirama.  
  
Hashirama had been his boyfriend for actual years now. They had met not long after he entered College, Hashirama shared some classes with him and sat beside him. Hashirama had told him it was because he was so jealous of his long black hair, at first, that he had wanted to ask for some advices about it, because his was too flat on his head and he always had split ends but after some times, they started to hang out together more and more and Hashirama helped a lot concerning his glowing mark.  
  
He had been curious, at first, he kept poking at it when Madara was in a good enough mood to let him do so but after Madara's hellish passages about the whole soulmate business, Hashirama had stopped talking about it. Instead, he started talking about how he was a really good friend, how he'd love to take him to this or that place and it took several weeks for Madara to realize that Hashirama meant dating. The two of them, dating, kissing, holding hands even. Madara had never imagined Hashirama would want to date him, he had seen his worst state, after all, when he couldn't sleep nor eat because he was becoming so obsessed with his mark that it was all he had in mind. Hashirama had witnessed it all, he had met with Izuna when he had to, when they had to talk together and he had been so concerned with him but he never left his side.  
  
It was when Hashirama took his hand for the first time that Madara realized how he felt for this guy. Hashirama was handsome, after all, his never fading smile was like the sun of his life, even during his darkest hours, he was intelligent and caring and he could go against his own nature and not speak at all when needed and Madara couldn't not love him.  
  
Years later, the two of them were still dating. And Madara loved his boyfriend. He had no doubt about it, Madara loved Hashirama from the bottom of his heart and Hashirama loved him back. They had decided to move in together when they'd have their degree, because they both valued College a lot. It was the best solution, to graduate before anything else. They had to work a lot, especially for that last year of College, they both had tons of homework and projects to finish and presentations to prepare and they'd be just distracted if they lived together.  
  
It didn't stop them from looking at ads for flats, to write down what they wanted in the place, how to decorate it. Like, they wanted two bedrooms, because the two of them wanted to invite their little brother over from time to time. Hashirama would take care of the plants around the place, he kept saying he was good with them but Madara only accepted after making Hashirama promise they'd get a cat. Or a dozen. If they had enough space for them all.  
  
Usually, Hashirama would come over to Madara's place. It was more practical, because it was close to College but Madara still lived with his parents, with Izuna and it sometimes was awkward. Madara's father, Tajima, even after years of romance, wouldn't stop glaring at his son's boyfriend and Hashirama kept acting like a doof, out of nervousness. He couldn't help it, when he was agitated and it didn't help with his case but Madara didn't care what his father would say. His love for Hashirama was enough for him to ignore it all.  
  
Not tonight, though. For the first time, Madara had accepted to take the bus all the way to Hashirama's place. It really wasn't that he didn't want to sleep at his boyfriend's home, but he usually didn't sleep a lot when Hashirama was in his bedroom. He'd wait for him to fall asleep to go back to work on his computer, as silently as possible and Hashirama would always notice the dark bags under his eyes. But it had been his daily make up routine, since the beginning of the year and it wasn't going to change, he still had so much to do and so little time. He couldn't fail his exams. He wouldn't allow it.  
  
But, Hashirama had found the words to convince him. First, a night of rest could only do him good, he needed to sleep properly and to just relax for one night. But, also, they were going to be just the two of them, as Hashirama's brother wouldn't be around. He was going to a party, apparently and he'd come home late during the night. Hashirama had promised intimacy and lots of sex and Madara hadn't been able to resist.  
  
Spending some time alone with Hashirama did good, actually. The place wasn't big, the two brothers didn't have much money but they managed the best they could. Their flat was deep in the suburbs, Madara never went to this neighbourhood before but it was pleasant enough. There was a park, near the building and it was clean. It was all he asked for or he would have forced Hashirama to move out from the place.  
  
It had two bedrooms. Well, there only had been one bedroom at first and Hashirama's brother, Tobirama, settled there. Hashirama had been able to use what was supposed to be the dining room as his own bedroom. Who needed dining rooms anyway ? It was useless and eating on the coffee table in front of the television was way better than sitting around a table and having manners. So, when they settled, Hashirama bought a nice thick curtain, with a rail, he fixed it all and now he had his bedroom. It was cramped and messy, Hashirama really needed to learn how to tidy his desk but it was really cozy and Madara loved it.  
  
The bed was tiny, compared with his but they had no problem using it the way they decided, after eating some pizza and drinking beers. Madara had been reluctant to say so but the night off from his work did help and Hashirama's bedroom, even if messy, felt relaxing and quite comfortable. His bed was like Heaven under his back and Madara thought he could get used to this. Used to come over, more often that he would be willing to say and watch his boyfriend fall asleep.  
  
It had been an amazing night and Madara waited for Hashirama to snore to kiss his forehead. They both were really aware that they weren't soulmates, that they weren't meant to be, in the mystical way of things but it didn't matter. They loved each other and Madara wasn't willing to trade what he had with Hashirama for anything. This was never going to happen.  
  
Madara was startled awake in the middle of the night. It couldn't have been more than a couple of hours since he fell asleep, he was feeling so sleepy, so tired that he only wanted to go back to sleep, lie there and close his eyes but something caught his attention.  
  
From the corner of his eyes, he could see it, he could see his mark. His bandage must have slipped at he was sleeping, it happened, sometimes, especially when he was agitated during the night but it wasn't the only thing off with it. He could see his mark and it wasn't just glowing anymore. It was vibrant with a bright blue light and the itch was worse than ever. Madara never saw it radiate to this point before, it was almost lighting up the whole room and it took him all he had to unhook the bandage and let it slide down his wrist.  
  
He was having a nightmare, wasn't he ? It couldn't act like this, not now, not here, with Hashirama happily sleeping beside him.  
  
Thinking about Hashirama, Madara immediately grabbed his friend's wrist, to look at his mark but it was its usually dark red swirling pattern and no glow. Hashirama's mark never glowed before and Hashirama kept saying he didn't need it to glow. That he was happy the way he was.  
  
With a frown, Madara looked at his own mark once again, he ran his fingers over it, over the slightly scarred skin. Even his injuries never altered the pattern, the waves were still perfect, in the same intricate drawing it always had been but to see it glow so much was making him feel really weird. Was his soulmate that close, for it to illuminate the whole place ? Was he supposed to look for this person ? Ask him to leave his life ?  
  
Before he could even think of an answer, Madara jumped on his butt again as he heard the flat's door open, on the other side of the curtain and he quickly bandaged his arm again, left the bed and silently and carefully walked closer to what served as Hashirama's bedroom's fourth wall. There was some ruckus, on the other side of the curtain, he heard cursing and he frowned. Something crashed on the ground, there was even more cursing.  
  
“Fucking bamboo”, a deep voice grumbled. “Hashi, I told you hundreds of time to put that thing in your room ..”  
  
There were steps, the person, that by now, Madara identified as Hashirama's brother, seemed to trip and the answer to that came quickly. “Fucking shoes, all around the place”, Tobirama sighed. “Wait, those aren't .. Oh, wait, yes, the boyfriend's here ..”  
  
Madara then heard him turn on the tap, probably to save the unlucky bamboo and Madara rolled his eyes. Hashirama always had described his brother as an intelligent being, way more intelligent than he was, all about his studies and about working. A silent and respectful and kind person but Tobirama seemed to be the exact opposite of that description tonight. Or was he intoxicated ? Hashirama did say he went to a party, after all.  
  
“Ok, where the hell is my bedroom now .. ?” Tobirama sighed and it was now obvious he was drunk. Madara smiled at that, amused with the man's behaviour, that kind of looked like a sober Hashirama at that moment but a snore startled him and Madara glared at his boyfriend.  
  
“Knew Hashi should have taken the bedroom ..” Tobirama commented, on the other side and he sighed again. “Bedroom ..”  
  
There were more shuffling and bumping into furniture, then a bed squeaked and silence, minus Hashirama's snoring, came back to the flat.  
  
Madara stood there for a moment, amused with what he heard and how grumpy that Tobirama seemed. They never officially met, mostly because they both were working too much. Tobirama always said Hashirama that he had too much to do, that he couldn't lose his scholarship and Madara respected that. He had joked how Tobirama could come visit them, once they'd settle together and even if Hashirama acted broody about it for a moment, he merely smiled and nodded. It was obvious Hashirama loved his little brother as much as Madara loved his.  
  
They'd meet when the time would be right.  
  
So, Madara bandaged his mark again, as tightly as he could without cutting his own bloodstream, he made sure no part of it would be visible, he made sure the glow would be properly concealed and he went back to sleep, a smile on his lips.  
  
The alarm startled the two of them and Madara couldn't help but smile when Hashirama hugged him from behind, like he always did and kissed his neck.  
  
“Hello, beautiful,” he whispered, sleepy. “You slept well ?”  
  
Madara grabbed Hashirama's hands at first, ready to go back to sleep but he shook his head a little, he sighed and rolled on his back, smiled as Hashirama kissed his cheek.  
  
“Got woken up during the night,” he answered in a murmur. “Because of .. of your brother.”  
  
Madara had been wanting to speak about his mark, how it had been glowing so brightly it almost blinded him during the night but he didn't. He knew Hashirama and Hashirama was never going to shut up about it, if he knew. He'd bring Izuna back into the game, even, especially with how vibrant it was but Madara didn't want that. Izuna too was studying hard, he needed to concentrate on his classes and Madara already felt guilty enough to worry him as much as he did when he got so obsessed with his ever glowing mark. He didn't want to hurt his baby brother anymore.  
  
“Ah, well, Tobi's as discreet as I am when he drinks.” Hashirama commented with a smile. “It's a funny sight though.”  
  
“I think he broke one of your vases.” Madara admitted and Hashirama glanced at him, sleepily, before his eyes widened and he quickly jumped out of the bed, as naked as he was. Without a shame, he left his bedroom in that state, walked across the flat in two strides and screeched.  
  
“Tobi, I'm so going to kill you !”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3; yay !
> 
> Again, guys, thank you all for your supports, from your kudos to your comments <3
> 
> I won't annoy you more than that, have fun reading =)
> 
> Chapter 4 will be uploaded on wednesday (I think it's a nice rhythm ? Wednesdays and Sundays ?)

His mark didn't act up for a couple of days. Madara kept pushing the bandage away, fighting back his anxiety to look at its state but it was back at its usual faint glow. He still had no idea what triggered that reaction, the other night, he wasn't sure he wanted to know either. He had been so much more stable, during the last couple of months, ever since Izuna hid his mark under that bandage and Madara didn't want the obsession to come back crashing his life. He had exams to take, after all, his Bachelor degree to obtain, he didn't have time for such foolishness. He didn't have the time to ask himself who his soulmate might be.  
  
But, as much as he tried to avoid it, Madara couldn't stop thinking about it. It had been so bright, so vibrant and he still had a hard time believing it actually happened while he was at Hashirama's place but it did. He hadn't been sleeping, not at all, he had been perfectly awake and he was scared. Madara was never going to speak about it but he was scared of his mark now, scared of what it might mean. He had planned himself a life with Hashirama, he had planned to live with this man, to love him as best as he could because Hashirama was a good man and deserved to be loved the right way.  
  
However, and Madara was ashamed to admit it, more than once, he tried to imagine what his soulmate looked like. It would be a guy, or he hoped so. Maybe he looked like Hashirama ? Why couldn't his soulmate be Hashirama ? It wasn't really fair, he decided and Madara couldn't bring himself to talk about this to anyone. Hashirama wouldn't understand, his mark never glowed before and Izuna would be too enthusiastic. Izuna would probably want to help him search for his soulmate and Madara couldn't have that.  
  
He couldn't hurt Hashirama this way.  
  
But after some sleepless nights, Madara was feeling better. He had come to a decision : he wasn't going to bother his mind with that thing before the end of the year, before his exams. He had more important things to do and graduating was one of them. The rest, he'd deal with later.  
  
Hashirama never noticed a thing. Or, if he did notice a change in Madara's behaviour, he said nothing at all and continued to act like the dork he was. It helped Madara too, to see his boyfriend smile and laugh, with his bright brown eyes. Hashirama never was one to lose his great mood and Madara couldn't ignore how it probably was what he loved the most about him. Sure, sometimes, Hashirama would act like he was grumpy or brooding but it was all part of an act, one he had been playing for so many years that it became his entire personality. Madara would worry the day Hashirama didn't act like this anymore, for sure.  
  
What Madara feared happened, though. Hashirama invited him over again, for the week-end and Madara didn't have the heart to say no. He couldn't say no to these puppy eyes, and to this smile and once again, he found himself cuddling with his boyfriend, enjoying the warmth of his arms and the lullaby of his breathing and he could get used to this. He really could and he hoped he would, when they'd move in together, when they'd share a bed for good.  
  
Madara was still a little sore from the evening, because Hashirama had been more enthusiastic than ever as they had sex, he made sure to make him beg for release and Madara would deny that fact if anyone asked him. Hashirama had said that Tobirama wouldn't be home again, wouldn't even come back during the night, like the other time and that's why he went extra touchy. His curtain door wasn't noise cancelling, after all and he didn't want his baby brother to hear this kind of things. Sure, Tobirama wasn't a baby any more, he too had some lovers but it didn't happen for some time now, as Hashirama said, and Madara merely shrugged it off.  
  
Tobirama seemed to be the serious kind, despite how he seemed to enjoy partying. He seemed like he preferred studying than taking care of a lover and Madara respected that.  
  
Madara was sitting on the bed, in the middle of the night, Hashirama's arms around his hips and there was something he had to do. Not that he really needed to do it, the itchy sensation was giving it away already but he had to see, with his own eyes and, as carefully as he could, Madara grabbed the bandage, pushed it away from a small part of his mark but reassurance immediately flooded his soul.  
  
The mark was at its normal glowing state. There was no bright light, nor the annoying burning sensation, only its normal itch and Madara felt his heart pound against his chest as he felt a whole lot better than the past days.  
  
His soulmate was close. It was somewhere in town, probably, like he had been for the last couple of years and Madara could handle that. He could handle that distance, it was the closeness that made him so uncomfortable, last time. Thinking of it, his soulmate probably was somewhere in the street, to trigger such an intense glow, maybe passing by downstairs or staying somewhere near for the night ? Madara didn't care, as long as it didn't happen again.  
  
His heart heavy, Madara looked down at Hashirama's sleeping face, illuminated only by the shine of the Moon and he sighed. This man was an actual angel, he thought, as he ran his fingers in his hair. What did he even do to deserve such a pure soul to love ?

* * *

Sleeping at Hashirama's place on week-ends became a habit and Madara never looked at his mark again. He went back to his routine, concealing it, making sure his bandage was always in place, making sure he didn't have to look at it and it was all perfect, despite the way it itched a little more, sometimes. Spending time at Hashirama's place helped him avoid Izuna's not-so-discreet glances toward the mark and Hashirama happily let him bring some homework there, some projects to work on, his laptop when he needed it and even if he was grumpy, because it meant no sex until Madara was done working, Hashirama put up with it.  
  
His boyfriend was smiling again and it was all that mattered.  
  
Madara officially met with Tobirama, too. And exactly as Hashirama described him, Tobirama was the silent type. Usually, he'd salute them from afar, glancing at the two of them and then he would lock himself in his bedroom, only opening the door when Hashirama was bringing him food. Madara asked what was wrong about him at first, disturbed with such a behaviour but Hashirama merely shrugged and said it was typical of Tobirama. That he took his studies very seriously, that he had ambition and Madara didn't look into it further. He too was a little antisocial, after all.  
  
Tonight was one of these nights. Madara was exhausted because he worked way too much during the week so he could free himself from homework for the week-end, to spend even more time with Hashirama and it was worth it. Hashirama had cooked a nice meal for them, he had hinted way too often that Tobirama wasn't around tonight, that they could be a little louder than they were when Tobirama was in the flat.  
  
Having Hashirama massage his scalp as he was trying not to sleep was Madara's idea of paradise and he couldn't believe how good he was feeling now. Hashirama's fingers were making wonders in his hair, even if he had to keep saying no when Hashirama asked if he could braid his hair and put flowers in it and he kept shivering hard. It was all perfect, all so comfortable and Madara was doing his best not to moan under his boyfriend's fingers.  
  
“When we live together,” Hashirama started in a hush voice, “I'll be doing this for hours so you got to be prepared ..”  
  
“I was born prepared.” Madara sighed, his eyes closing against his will and stretching his back in a chill.  
  
“You have such beautiful hair,” Hashirama then whispered, his nails scratching his boyfriend's scalp. “It's a shame you won't let me..”  
  
“Hashi,” Madara growled. “I said no braiding.”  
  
Madara didn't have to look up to know Hashirama was pouting, just like a kid would and he smirked. He'd let Hashirama braid his hair, sometimes but not tonight. He felt too good to even move from his spot and he didn't want to have a fussy Hashirama ruining the mood. He could predict Hashirama's enthusiasm if he allowed him to braid his hair, he could feel it. Madara wasn't going to let it happen tonight.  
  
“Tobirama's been acting weirdly, lately.”  
  
Now, that was some quality change of subject and Madara couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Not that Hashirama could see it, Madara's face was hidden by hair and half a pillow but Hashirama didn't need to see.  
  
“He's always grumpy.” Hashirama added after a pause and Madara rolled his eyes.  
  
“Didn't you say it was your brother's default mode ? Grumpy and silently judging people ?” Madara answered, then bit his lip as Hashirama's fingers touched the nape of his neck.  
  
“Well, yes but this isn't like him. The way he acts around you worries me. It's not like him to avoid people he might not like, he usually prefers to confront them and he's always harsh when he does.”  
  
Blinking, because he didn't know what to think of this, Madara rolled over, tilted his head so his hair would slide away from his eyes and he looked into Hashirama's, trying to read what he truly meant to say.  
  
“You mean, he doesn't like me ?” Madara asked in all seriousness.  
  
“That's the problem.” Hashirama sighed, his shoulders low and looking tired. “I don't know. Tobirama never holds himself back when he doesn't like someone, he says it to their face. But he avoids you. And it's not like him.”  
  
Madara frowned at that. Well, he didn't know the man so he didn't know what to say about such a behaviour but Hashirama's tone worried him. Hashirama really was concerned with the way his brother acted and knowing Hashirama's personality, it meant a lot. Hashirama always took care of his brother, after all and he wouldn't worry without a reason.  
  
“Did you try asking him ?”  
  
It was the most obvious question Madara had in mind but it still surprised Hashirama, whose eyes widened and Madara couldn't help but roll his eyes again.  
  
“Seriously ? You didn't even try ?” Madara taunted, trying not to smile. At least, it made Hashirama blush and look away.  
  
“I will, as soon as I can.”

* * *

Next Monday, as he was waiting for his boyfriend for lunch, Madara wouldn't stop clenching his fists into balls. The itch was worse than ever, to the point that he wanted to rip his bandage off and scratch his wrist as hard as he could to try and free himself from that damn mark. Why was it so painful ? Why couldn't he just feel some burning sensation, just for a second and nothing else ? Izuna had told him some people had it worse than others and nobody could explain why and Madara was frustrated to no end. He was sick of this stupid mark and he'd cut it off if he knew it was possible but it wasn't. Other people tried, he read on the Internet, they tried and managed to cut the mark off but it took the mark only a couple of day to appear again on another part of their body.  
  
It was satanic, wasn't it ? It really couldn't be the gift of any god, to be that annoying.  
  
Distraction came, though, when he needed it the most and Madara noticed Hashirama leaving the main building in his brother's company. Tobirama looked pale, his complexion almost as pale as his grey hair and the man looked at him, dead in the eyes before turning away and walking away, his hands in his pockets and his head hung low.  
  
“I talked to him.” Hashirama said without any other introduction as he joined Madara. “Wasn't easy but I was able to force an answer out of him.”  
  
Madara frowned, wondering if Hashirama tortured his own brother but there was no blood on Hashirama's hands.  
  
“He knows who his soulmate is.” Hashirama added after a pause. “He won't tell me the name though. But he showed me his mark and it was burning like a fire.”  
  
Madara tried not to bite his lip, as his own mark kept burning under his bandage and he nodded. “That explains his mood, then.” he smiled at his boyfriend, hoping it'd help Hashirama relax.  
  
“He also said he doesn't hate you.” Hashirama declared, looking a little less depressed. “He just said we should be a little less .. noisy. That the walls are thin.”  
  
Madara snorted. All he wanted now was to be a little louder when he was with Hashirama, just to annoy his future brother in law. It would be a nice joke, wouldn't it ? It wouldn't hurt anyone, after all and he'd love to see Tobirama's cheeks burn from the embarrassment.  
  
Lips on his startled Madara but he melted in the kiss and smiled. Couldn't they just move in together right away ? It was only Monday, he was going to have to wait for the whole week to pass to finally sleep in Hashirama's bed again and it was too long, for Madara.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's wednesday ! So it means .. Chapter !
> 
> Ah, this chapter is cute, maybe ? With a tiny bit of angst ? But hey, Tobirama's here!
> 
> Thank all of you for the kudos and the comments! It means a lot to me!
> 
> See you Sunday!

The itch was hard to ignore, after Hashirama was asleep, on that Saturday night. Madara could barely stop himself from ripping his skin off, he had his fists clenched into balls and he was pretty sure his nails were going to draw blood, as they were digging into his palms but what was he supposed to do ? Wake Hashirama up ? What would the man do ? Hashirama couldn't do anything, Hashirama didn't even know how it felt to have his mark burn like Madara's did. He didn't know that maddening sensation.  
  
Madara knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep anytime soon. He couldn't even close his eyes because of the pain and he sat up in the bed, ignored Hashirama's sleepy mumbling and left the bed. He needed distraction, he needed something to do. Anything to do to forget this damned thing and he'd go run a marathon if a stranger told him it'd help. Without a sound, Madara put on his shirt and his pants again, he left Hashirama's bedroom but he froze as he noticed that Tobirama was there.  
  
Hashirama's brother looked up at him, his fork halfway up to his mouth and Madara glanced at his plate of pastas before holding back a sigh and looking away.  
  
“Sorry” Madara whispered, walking to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water. Would cold water help ? It never did.  
  
Madara could feel Tobirama's gaze on him, he could feel his presence but he said nothing. Tobirama could watch him as much as he wanted, after all, he couldn't care less and he had to think of another plan. He had wanted to be alone, with his scratching mark but he couldn't even have that, could he ?  
  
Disappointed, Madara was heading toward Hashirama's bedroom again, trying to think of another solution to help with his problem when Tobirama's voice was heard behind him.  
  
“Why are you sorry ?” Tobirama asked, his voice as soft as a murmur but Madara felt like he was whispering directly into his ear. “For forcing me to hear my brother's indecent moans ? I'm used to it.”  
  
With this, Tobirama went back to his midnight meal, his eyes fixed on the muted television in front of him. Madara couldn't help but smirk, at Tobirama's teasing tone and he looked back at the other man, he raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said we were too noisy ?”  
  
“Only to make him blush.” Tobirama pointed out without missing a beat. “Are you hungry ? I cooked way too much pasta.”  
  
Now, that sounded suspicious. Why would Tobirama invite him for a midnight snack when he barely looked at him before ? And sure, he was hungry, he didn't ate much earlier, too eager to answer to Hashirama's not-so-subtle innuendos but eating pasta ? In the middle of the night ? That'd be a first.  
  
Tobirama glanced at him again, his eyes glowing under the bluish light of the television and Madara gave in, he nodded, walked to the kitchen again to grab himself a plate and a fork and he sat down next to Tobirama. Tobirama served him quite the amount of pasta, he nodded at the different sauces to invite him to help himself with them and went back to his meal, as naturally as he could.  
  
The first minutes were awkward. Tobirama kept his eyes on the screen in front of them, watching whatever documentary was on, despite the lack of sound and Madara was trying to concentrate on his meal, wondering why he was here. Sure, yes, he had wanted distraction away from his dark thoughts and the itch of the mark but he never imagined he'd do something like that. And he couldn't make of habit out of it either, he couldn't eat whenever he needed distraction or he'd probably get fat.  
  
Getting fat didn't seem to be one of Tobirama's concerns because he helped himself with more pasta when his plate was empty, he generously applied some sauce on it, looking as if he had been dieting for the past weeks and Madara couldn't help but smile. He acted like Izuna, when Izuna was hungry. Eating whatever was easier to cook, unable to stop himself before being completely full and it was endearing, in a way. It almost felt like he was home with his hungry baby brother and Madara let himself relax a bit.  
  
Tobirama didn't seem as bad as he usually appeared.  
  
But Tobirama hid his mark too, Madara noticed after a while. Unlike him, he didn't use a simple bandage but some sort of a sleeve. These were sold online, Madara had stumbled on them several times, as he had searched for help about his own mark, people kept saying they were harmless unlike other means of hiding one's mark, that they were cheap and effective and he kept hesitating getting himself one. It'd be more practical than a bandage, he thought, staring at Tobirama's arm.  
  
“Does it work properly ?”  
  
Madara's question seemed to startle Tobirama but he glanced up, followed his eyes and frowned. “Yeah.” he nodded. “A friend gave me his, after he decided to meet with his soulmate. The glow doesn't go through, even when it's really bright.”  
  
“Hashirama told me you know who your soulmate is.”  
  
Looking up, Madara stared at Tobirama's eyes, expecting the man to ignore him and walk away but it didn't happen. Tobirama stared back, completely still, with no emotion on his face, he looked as if he was trying not to show how deep in thoughts he was and Madara wondered if the question was too intimate.  
  
“I do.” Tobirama eventually nodded.  
  
“Will you meet with them ?” Madara asked, trying to speak in a casual tone but failing.  
  
“I already did.” the other man answered truthfully. “I see .. him on a daily basis but we don't interact much.”  
  
Madara tried not to frown, wondering what Tobirama meant but it wasn't his business to know. This talk already was way too deep for the almost strangers they were, too personal and intimate but Madara couldn't stop asking questions and Tobirama seemed willing to answer anyways.  
  
However, the fact that Tobirama's soulmate was a guy surprised him. He never labelled the man as gay but he didn't know him, after all and Hashirama never spoke of him about such details. All knowledge Madara had on Tobirama came from Hashirama and even if Hashirama couldn't stop repeating how amazing his baby brother was, how intelligent and grumpy and silent, it was all there was. Casual conversations about his brother, just as casual as Madara was about Izuna.  
  
“Will you .. go after them .. Him ?”  
  
This time, Tobirama's gaze flickered, he glanced away for a second, he shrugged.  
  
“When the time is right.”  
  
Tobirama seemed to turn away, as if he was shutting this conversation down and Madara took the hint. This had been the last question he had been allowed to utter and he was fine with it. He wasn't going to force the subject if Tobirama didn't want to speak of it again, just like he wouldn't want to be forced to answer to this kind of questions about himself.  
  
“When you're done eating,” Tobirama started after a moment of silence. “Can you read the paper I wrote ? I feel like it's missing something and it's due in two days.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
With that, Tobirama started to put away all he used for his midnight snack, leaving time for Madara to finish his plate of pasta and Madara ate in silence, eyes fixed on the screen in front of him. The man didn't hate him, it seemed, just as Hashirama said and it was good. They were to become brothers in law, after all and Madara didn't want to mess that up. He cared for Hashirama way too much to be at war with his little brother and make things complicated and Tobirama seemed friendly enough to begin with.  
  
He could do that. For Hashirama.  
  
He was going to buy himself one of these sleeves too, when he'd be back home. It really looked effective, he hadn't been able to see any part of Tobirama's mark, nor even the slightest glow. It would be safer than a bandage, his wrist sometimes felt weird when he took it off to shower, because his skin would react to the tight bandaging, it always left marks and it wasn't always comfortable.  
  
One thing he didn't notice, as he followed Tobirama to his bedroom and sat down on the small bed, hand written paper in hand while Tobirama was starting to work on something else, was that the itch had slowly faded, from frantic to its usual intensity.

* * *

Tobirama started to hang out more with them, after that. When Madara would go to the Senju's place to spend time with Hashirama, Tobirama would actually eat in their company. They sometimes spoke about papers and homework, to Hashirama's loud despair and it was fine. Civilised and polite and Madara was satisfied with their relationship.  
  
Just as he had planned, Madara had bought himself a sleeve and it worked better than he even expected. It never slid off his wrist as he was sleeping, it never moved, even when he was moving a lot, it didn't hurt his skin. It was perfect.  
  
Tonight, he had decided to take Hashirama to his place because his parents had started to ask questions about his boyfriend. They hadn't seen him in weeks and they were worried and Madara answered to their worry with inviting Hashirama home. Of course, Hashirama was more than happy to spend time at the Uchiha's place, he talked to Madara's parents without ever showing boredom and it pleased Madara. It really did. He wanted everything to go smoothly and to know his parents accepted Hashirama this way meant a lot to him.  
  
That's why he kissed Hashirama so eagerly as soon as they entered his bedroom. Not because they hadn't seen each other during the week-end because Hashirama and Tobirama went back to their home-town to visit their parents. Not at all. He wasn't that addicted to the man, was he ?  
  
The walls in his bedroom were thicker than in Hashirama's bedroom and it was a good thing. Else, the other inhabitants of the house would have heard quite some noise coming from them and Madara didn't want his mother to hear him have sex. Ever. He still had to gag his boyfriend's mouth at some points because Hashirama wouldn't stop moaning but he wasn't mad at him. They had missed each other, after all and it was a nice way to catch up.  
  
Head scratches were on the menu again, as Madara was lying on his bed and Hashirama sitting next to him. They two of them were still sweating and a little sore but it was all right. They both were so comfortable and Madara hoped no one would bother them now. His door was locked and his phone on silent mode. He didn't know for Hashirama's but he'd probably crush it to its death if it dared ringing tonight and Madara sighed with contentment.  
  
“I missed you.”  
  
Hashirama didn't answer, he continued his random motions on his scalp, visibly lost in thoughts, until Madara frowned and looked up at him.  
  
“Are you sleeping ?” he asked, pinching his hip and Hashirama jumped and stared down.  
  
“What ?”  
  
Madara sighed, rolled his eyes. “I said I missed you.”  
  
“Oh, sorry.” Hashirama quickly whispered. “I missed you too.”  
  
“What were you thinking about ?”  
  
Hashirama stared, again and again, until Madara pinched him again and the man looked away, moved until he was lying in bed, his back propped on pillows and Madara groaned as the scratches stopped.  
  
“Can I see your mark ?”  
  
There was an hesitation. Of course there was one, it was the first time in a long time Hashirama dared to ask such a question and Madara stared at him for a long time, wondering why he was asking this out of the blue. Why would Hashirama want to see his mark ? It wasn't as if it changed or something, after all. It was the same, ever-glowing mark and Madara didn't understand why Hashirama was so eager to see it again.  
  
Then again, Hashirama never hid his and Madara knew his boyfriend secretly wanted to see his own mark glow, one day. Just for the thrill of it, just to know how it felt.  
  
As slowly as he could, Madara reached for his wrist, he slid his sleeve down his wrist and offered his arm to Hashirama, making sure he wouldn't look at the damned thing. Hashirama's fingers on his glowing mark felt cold, at first, until Hashirama started to massage the place with his thumb, soothing the usual annoying itch.  
  
“I'm glad you decided to get rid of the bandage, it really wasn't good for your arm.” Hashirama smiled. “That sleeve is better.”  
  
Madara merely nodded, intrigued with his boyfriend's behaviour.  
  
“Isn't it beautiful ?”  
  
Now, that's something Madara never heard before. He was used to Hashirama's antics, especially about all of the soulmate thing, he was a romantic after all, he always thought he'd marry his soulmate but Madara never looked at his mark and thought it was beautiful. Because it wasn't. It was a disgusting thing that kept making him feel miserable, because it hurt and it kept reminding him that Hashirama wasn't his soulmate when all he had wanted, since he knew the man, was to spend the rest of his life with him. He loved Hashirama and it was so unfair their marks didn't match and glow at each other.  
  
But still, he looked down at his wrist, because Hashirama was there, soothing him, smiling at him and he sighed. It wasn't exactly ugly, if he were to be honest. The intricate and delicate pattern of waves was graceful, like the ocean and its colour was one he appreciated. He always thought he was more like fire than water but it probably was an echo of his soulmate's character. Theories were wild about the whole thing, as scientist were still unable to confirm anything about these mark.  
  
Only the way it acted upon closeness of two soulmates. Only the way it glowed back at its match.  
  
“I guess it is.” Madara eventually muttered and a soft warmth erupted from the mark. “I ..”  
  
Madara hesitated, not sure he wanted to trigger a violent reaction from his boyfriend when they both were so relaxed but maybe Hashirama would stay calm, if he chose his words with care.  
  
“The bandage slipped, some time ago. It was .. It wasn't glowing anymore, it was bright and really, really painful.” he admitted, looking away from Hashirama. “As if my soulmate was really close.”  
  
Hashirama didn't speak for a moment. He didn't move either, except his thumb, endlessly following the pattern on his wrist and Madara thought of looking up but he didn't dare to. He didn't want to see Hashirama's pained expression.  
  
“What do you think they look like ?”  
  
Madara hadn't expected that question, nor that soft tone but he breathed out, feeling calmer now. All was fine if Hashirama kept his composure.  
  
“You. I want them to look like you. To be you.”  
  
Without more than a sigh, Hashirama wrapped his free arm around his boyfriend's shoulders, he kissed the top of Madara's head.  
  
“But it is not.” he whispered, showing his own, swirly mark.  
  
“I don't care,” Madara shrugged. “I only ever wanted you and I am happy with you. And it won't change, even if I meet with them.”  
  
“You can't say that for sure.” Hashirama pointed out and this time, Madara sat up, with wide eyes and his heart pounding in his chest.  
  
“Why would you say that ?”  
  
Hashirama sighed, he gave Madara a soft smile and held his hand with care. “Because it is the truth, Madara.” he said in all seriousness. “And I want you to be aware of it.”  
  
“I don't fucking care about them.” Madara spat, triggering the terrible itch of his mark and he started scratching at it immediately.  
  
“Listen, Madara,” Hashirama whispered, glancing at the mark and careful to hold Madara's hands apart. “I do not say that to upset you. I really don't. I love you and you mean the world to me. But we're talking about soulmates here. We're talking about the person that is meant for you. It is not something you can fight. Nobody can fight it. Not even me and I fear the day I will meet the person who will light up my own mark.”  
  
Madara glanced at Hashirama's dull mark, with a frown on his brow and he looked back up at Hashirama. “Did yours glow ?”  
  
“It didn't,” Hashirama reassured him in a soft voice. “And speaking about it doesn't change our plans, Madara. It doesn't change what we decided. I am only being curious.”  
  
There was a jolt of pain in his wrist, Madara gritted his teeth but he took in a deep breath, closing his eyes, he let Hashirama hold his hands as much as he wanted and he calmed himself down. There was no need for him to freak out like that, he thought. Hashirama being curious was usual, and he held back his questions about his mark and what would he do until then. Madara understood, of course. How couldn't he ? It was only fair for Hashirama to know what would happen if he met with his soulmate. Like Hashirama said, it wasn't something one could fight against.  
  
And it scared him to no end.  
  
“My .. only hope is for them to be a guy ..” Madara eventually muttered, hoping to hide his emotions. “And he'd better have a nice smile.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I am again, with chapter 5 and I think you guys will start hating me with it !
> 
> No Tobirama in that chapter (only a short appearance) but drama is starting! 
> 
> Again, thank you all for your sweet messages ! It means a lot to me!
> 
> For the translations from French, please place your pointer over the words or see the notes at the end of the chapter!

It had been a couple of minutes since Madara arrived to their rendez-vous point and Hashirama still was nowhere to be seen. It annoyed him to no end when his boyfriend was late and Madara really wanted to punch him for making him wait like that but at least, there weren't many people around him. They were supposed to have lunch together, they had decided to avoid the College's refectory today and find themselves a small restaurant or something like that. Just the two of them, as lovers, enjoying a nice meal and a nice place. Madara had already planned to take Hashirama to that place he knew. He knew Hashirama's fondness for nature and some of the restaurant's tables were behind the building, standing in the beautiful alcoves of the garden, surrounded with flowers and bushes and trees.  
  
It was sappy, really but Madara couldn't care less, if it pleased Hashirama.  
  
For a moment, Madara wondered if he shouldn't just call Hashirama on the phone, to tell him to hurry but as he was reaching into his pocket to grab his phone, he noticed a shadow heading toward him, by the corner of his eye and he turned his head toward the stranger, trying not to frown.  
  
This woman looked like nothing he had ever seen before. She was tall and lean but still seemed strong. Her traits were soft but her eyes were determined. She walked with a deadly gracefulness and Madara did his best not to stare at her, at her amazing cherry red hair floating behind her. It wasn't often, when he met someone with hair as glorious as his but this woman's mane was great and a soft voice in the back of his head wondered if he shouldn't ask her what her products were.  
  
She didn't seem like she was from the area, Madara decided. Her clothes were stylish without being revealing, fashionable, even and she probably could give Hashirama some advices about his style. Maybe Hashirama would listen to her, as she seemed charismatic enough to have even the strongest man listen to her.  
  
_“Excusez-moi,”_ she spoke, in a soft yet not shy at all tone. _“Pouvez-vous m'aider ?”_  
  
Madara wasn't good with foreign language, this was Hashirama's speciality but he did understand what she meant and he straightened his back, turned to her as he was trying to appear polite and nodded.  
  
_“Je peux essayer,”_ He answered, making no promise but the woman smiled anyways.  
  
_“Je dois visiter le .. College,”_ she explained, mixing both languages. _“Pourriez-vous m'indiquer le bureau du directeur ?”_  
  
Madara did understand what she meant but wasn't able to answer. Words were fleeting around his head, as he was trying to arrange them the best he could but he failed. It was as if years of learning were useless, as if he hadn't managed to master the simple task of assembling words together and he was going to tell her to follow him, as it'd be simpler to show her around rather than explain with great waves of the arms and probably looking ridiculous when Hashirama decided to show up.  
  
Without more than a glance toward the woman, Hashirama grabbed his boyfriend's shoulders, he kissed his temple as he apologized for his lateness and Madara rolled his eyes. But, as cheerful as he ever was when he met someone new, Hashirama then turned to the woman, who was curiously looking at the two of them, he introduced himself and his eyes widened when the woman answered in her own language.  
  
Madara didn't catch much from their quick and fluid flow. Her name was Mito, she was foreign and was visiting the campus because her parents just moved in town and she decided to follow them. She barely spoke their language, she said she was really bad at it but Hashirama joked, laughed, scratched the back of his head, offered her lessons.  
  
Only then did Madara looked up from his focused stance, he looked at them in turns, he frowned a little but something caught his eyes.  
  
The mark on Hashirama's wrist was burning. Those perfect swirling patterns he knew by heart now were brightly glowing a red colour, the same red as Mito's hair. Mito's mark was acting exactly the same. Her mark looked like a forest, trunks of trees and branches and leaves and its hue was a deep brown, as deep as Hashirama's eyes. Madara always had been curious to see what would Hashirama's soulmark look like, how his soul would be represented on the wrist of his soulmate and he wasn't disappointed. It was just like him, perfectly fitting.  
  
Trying not to sigh, Madara looked up, he glanced at Mito, before turning his gaze toward Hashirama and he rolled his eyes.  
  
There two idiots were soulmates and they hadn't even noticed their marks.

* * *

“Madara, stop, we have to talk about it !”  
  
Madara stopped his tracks, at Hashirama's words. For days, since the day Mito appeared, he had repeated these words. Always saying they had to talk and until now, Madara had done all he could to avoid that conversation, to avoid facing him. It was idiotic and immature but he couldn't help it. It was a self-defence mechanism and it had helped him a lot in life.  
  
Not today, though because Hashirama grabbed his wrist as soon as he could, probably hoping it'd stop him from running away again and Madara turned around to face him. Hashirama was very right, they had to talk. He didn't care if they were in the middle of a College's corridor, if anyone could hear what they were going to say, he didn't care if he had been sleep-deprived for the last couple of days and barely ate and looked frightening.  
  
But Madara feared the outcome of that conversation, he feared what might happen.  
  
“Talk.” he eventually ordered his boyfriend and Hashirama winced at his tone but he stepped closer, without missing a beat, he ran his free hand in his hair and tilted his head to the side.  
  
“Madara, I am worried about you.” he admitted and he ignored Madara's snort. “Did you even sleep last night ?”  
  
“Haven't slept for the last four days.” Madara answered and it showed. Dark circles under his eyes, tired hair, slumped shoulders. Madara was exhausted and Hashirama bit his lip in recognition. “Don't you dare asking why.”  
  
“No! I .. know.” Hashirama admitted in defeat.  
  
There was hesitation and Madara's wariness augmented.  
  
For what he had done, Madara couldn't forgive Hashirama. Instead of just answering Mito's question and give her the direction toward the director's office, Hashirama offered to take her there. He held out his arm to her, as an invitation and Mito smiled and took it and that was when they both realized their mark's state, that was when they realized they were soulmate. There had been a pause, as they both looked at each other's mark, as they touched each other's hand to make sure it wasn't just a coincidence. When soulmates touched, the colour of their mark would mix, blend, into a new one.  
  
Of course, the glow turned into a dark red one on both marks. Of course, Mito was Hashirama's soulmate.  
  
There had been an awkward moment, after that. Not just the awkward as in “embarrassing” kind of moment, but an actual, cringing moment when they both had no idea what to do and Madara felt his heart shatter at that moment. Not once did Hashirama spare him a look, not once did he think about him and Madara decided it'd be best not to intervene.  
  
Hashirama had said nobody could fight it and it was true. Hashirama had met with his soulmate and hadn't been able to fight it.  
  
Madara had left, before they even realized. He left and went back home, thankful his parents were working and he locked himself in his bedroom and eventually fell to his knees, feeling as if something was torn off of him. As if his heart was crushed into his chest but he didn't utter a word, he didn't make a noise at all. And he avoided Hashirama for the next days, running away when Hashirama would go after him and ignoring all the texts and all the calls he was receiving from his boyfriend.  
  
But even if he knew talking wouldn't help, Madara was too tired to fight anymore.  
  
“God, Madara, you have to take care of yourself ..” Hashirama whispered and he tried to pull Madara into a hug but failed because Madara resisted. He wasn't in the mood for a hug, really not and he hoped Hashirama wasn't going to force it.  
  
“Listen, Madara, I'd like you to come at my place tonight.” Hashirama whispered. “Tobirama will be out, to work on a project so it'll be just the two of us. I bought that oil you like so much for massages and I promise I won't complain when my arms are getting sore.”  
  
Madara looked away, clenching his fists into balls, he reviewed the idea but getting a massage couldn't do any harm, could it ? It'd help him relax and he'd probably be more willing to talk. He might have avoided Hashirama but he still loved the idiot. It hurt so much because he was so scared of losing his boyfriend, losing the man he loved but Hashirama was here, wasn't he ? Hashirama ran after him and was making sure he wouldn't leave him, he was holding his wrist tightly and looking at him with those puppy eyes of him.  
  
Madara hated them. But he was willing to give Hashirama that one chance.  
  
“I so love you, Madara,” Hashirama muttered after a moment. “I love you and I want to live with you.”  
  
“You were so caught up with her you didn't even notice I was gone after hours later,” Madara spat out, icy tone and glaring eyes, his anger renewed with his boyfriend’s words.  
  
“And for this, I apologize,” Hashirama nodded without looking away. “I am so sorry. I just .. I felt like there was .. something, pulling me to her when we realized, something so warm and so powerful and the rest of the world disappeared.”  
  
Madara tried not to frown, as he only felt that terribly itchy sensation when his mark did light up properly but he said nothing. He didn't know what to answer. Izuna had said people reacted differently to their mark, he said marks didn't always act up the same way and Madara wasn't sure why his was hurting and Hashirama's wasn’t. Hashirama would have told him if it hurt, if he now understood why Madara had scratched it so frantically in the past but he didn't.  
  
Madara sighed and he eventually nodded. “I will come. Tonight. But don't harass me with texts until then, I'm sick of it.”  
  
“Got it,” Hashirama smiled.  
  
Hashirama didn't dare kissing him, after that but he did hug him, as tightly as he could. They stood there a long time, in each other's arms, they didn't part for several minutes, enjoying the warmth and the goodness of the hug but it soon was time for them to go back to class and they were forced to part.  
  
At least, Madara thought as hours were passing, Hashirama listened to him and didn't send a message. Izuna did, though. Izuna was well aware of his brother's state and he merely told Madara he was always willing to talk, if he needed to.  
  
Madara told his baby brother he loved him for the first time in months.

* * *

After so many nights spent at Hashirama's place, Madara had begun to leave clothes there, underwear, something to wear the next morning. He had his own toothbrush in the bathroom, his own hairbrush and it wasn't much but it always felt good. As if things were heading toward the plan they made together, as if it meant they already lived together, only if it was for one night a week.  
  
Tobirama was sitting on the couch, reading, when Hashirama and Madara arrived, he glanced at them without emotion on his face, he stared at Madara for a second and Madara answered with the faintest smile. Things had been easier, since the night he stumbled on the man during the night. He had been able to help Tobirama with his paper and Tobirama had been so grateful, because it hadn't been his favourite subject. They'd nod at each other now, when they walked by each other in the corridors. Tobirama smiled, sometimes. He had a nice smile, Madara could give him that.  
  
Tobirama was gone five minutes after their arrival and Hashirama almost pushed Madara in the bathroom, telling him to take a nice shower, to relax while he was cooking dinner and Madara did.  
  
They ate in almost silence, because Madara was obviously tired and Hashirama kept glancing at him with worry, as if he was half expecting Madara to fall asleep head first in his meal. Then, they moved things toward Hashirama's bedroom and Madara sighed, as he sat on the bed, he pushed his back against the headboard and closed his eyes.  
  
Soon, Hashirama's hands were on him, the man straddled his lap, he started to massage his scalp with as much care he could gather and it felt good. So good Madara wondered if he wasn't just going to fall asleep right here, right now. Hashirama knew all of his little weak points, all of the things that'd help him relax in no time and Madara was pretty sure he needed it all tonight. The week had been a long one, after all, he was eager for the week-end to come, at last and he didn't know if he was going to spend that time with Hashirama but for now, he didn't want to think about it. For now, Madara only wanted to breath and forget about it all.  
  
Hashirama kissed him, after a moment. It was a soft, hesitant kiss, one that wasn't easy to accept, at first but Madara indulged into it and he enjoyed it, while it lasted. Hashirama's hands never stopped working on his nerves, soon making him shiver, as if they hadn't seen each other in weeks and when they parted, Hashirama sighed.  
  
“Do you want your body massage now ? Or later, after .. ?”  
  
“After what ?” Madara asked, opening his eyes again and looking dead into Hashirama's eyes.  
  
At least, the message was clear, Hashirama's eyes flickered downward, he knew sex was out of question and he bit his lower lip, cleared his throat.  
  
“I thought ..”  
  
“I am not in the mood.” Madara said, harsher than intended. “I'm exhausted and angry and all I can think about is strangling you.”  
  
“Please don't ?” Hashirama tried and at least, it earned him a small smile from Madara. “Alright, lie down, I'll give you that massage.”  
  
Madara didn't have to be asked twice, he waited for Hashirama to free his legs, he took his shirt off and turned around, lying on his belly and a pillow in his arms. Hashirama made sure his hair wasn't going to be in the way, he then grabbed the oil, poured some drops on Madara's back and he started to massage him the best he could.  
  
There was calmness between them, tonight. Such calmness and it was rare, because Hashirama always was so enthusiastic when Madara was around. Only in serious moments did Hashirama contain his emotions and tonight was serious, to say the least. There had been a breach between then, a breach in Madara's trust and Hashirama really wanted to make up to it. Madara knew Hashirama was going to do his best to win him over again but he promised himself one thing : Hashirama had one chance only, none more than that. Because he could forgive, with time but he didn't accept being played with, it wasn't in his character.  
  
Hashirama was good with massages and Madara couldn't hold back a soft moan when his thumbs worked on the space between his shoulder-blades and he closed his eyes.  
  
Maybe he had overreacted. Just because Hashirama met with his soulmate didn't mean he was going to leave, right ? Hashirama said, back then, that it wouldn't change a thing if Madara was to meet with his, that they still had plans and still were going to move in together. But the way it happened, the way they met, right in front of him, made Madara feel so unwanted, so transparent and it became even worse when Hashirama forgot about their meal together. Forgot about him at all.  
  
Now they were together, Madara felt better. He felt as if nothing happened, as if that damn Mito never accosted him. Now he was relaxed enough to think about it, Madara could admit that she was a beautiful lady. Really beautiful and totally of Hashirama's taste. Hashirama's bisexuality never was a secret, after all, the man always claimed he had too much love in him to give, that he could never choose sides and his soulmate being a woman didn't mean much to him.  
  
Madara didn't see Mito as his rival to gain Hashirama's true and complete affection. Or, more precisely, that's what he tried to tell himself, as he was trying not to fall asleep on the spot.  
  
“She's nice.” Hashirama whispered after a moment. “We exchanged numbers and chatted a bit. She's really nice.”  
  
“She's your soulmate,” Madara reminded him in a cold tone. “She's supposed to be your perfect match. Of course you find her nice.”  
  
“She .. asked a lot of questions about you. And about us. She understands we're a couple.” the other man said, his fingers still working on Madara's back to relax every new knot forming as he was talking. “You'd like her, I think.”  
  
Madara snorted, he glanced over his shoulder, with a frown. “Are you being serious ?” he asked in disbelief. “Do you think we'll become friends or something ?”  
  
Hashirama was frozen on the spot and Madara turned around. He tried not to be angry, he really did but it's hard, giving how naïve Hashirama was being. And Madara was going to speak again, when the soft buzz of a phone caught his attention and Hashirama's face flushed. Madara didn't need to be a genius to know what Hashirama had in mind, who he thought sent him a text but he looked away, when Hashirama pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly answered the message, a stupid smile on his face.  
  
“Listen,” Madara sighed after a silence. “I think it's better if I just go home.”  
  
“Don't” Hashirama pleaded, biting his lower lip. “Madara, it's nothing. She is nothing to me.”  
  
She's your soulmate, Madara wanted to yell but he didn't. Because he knew it'll only create more anger and more wariness and he was too tired for all this drama. He's too tired to deal with anything at all tonight and there was only one thing he truly wants for the rest of the night : sleep.  
  
“I'll sleep now.” Madara whispered, looking away. “I'm tired.”  
  
Hashirama merely nodded, those bright puppy eyes never leaving Madara's face but Madara ignored him completely, as he undressed, trying not to care for the oil on his back. He used his shirt to try and wipe it off, most of it anyways and he turned his back to Hashirama, still holding on his pillow. He was tired, there was no denying in that but he didn't know if he could sleep. He'd pretend, if he had to. Just so Hashirama wouldn't bother him and stopped talking about that damned Mito.  
  
Madara didn't sleep at night. Once again, he felt as if some weight was crushing his heart and he couldn't bear to roll over and cuddle with Hashirama, like every time he needed comfort. He couldn't bring himself to do so because it hurt so much, to think that Hashirama had met with his soulmate and had been so slain with her. And they chatted, Hashirama had said, she had sent him messages and as much as Madara wanted to grab his boyfriend's phone and read their whole conversation, he didn't. He was feeling jealousy but he wasn't going to lower himself to that point. He'd never do something like that.  
  
Hashirama started to cuddle with him in his sleep, rolling over, moving closer and Madara was almost sure the man wasn't really sleeping but he didn't do a thing. Madara felt a little better, in Hashirama's arms. It wasn't much, especially after such an evening, it wasn't going to do them much good but Madara felt like it was already something.  
  
He couldn't deny his feelings for Hashirama, he couldn't just stop loving the man but knowing Hashirama had met with his soulmate and spoke with her on a daily basis was making him sick. For so long, Madara had claimed he'd never let his own soulmate get between the two of them and Hashirama did just that, in a way.  
  
Sure, it had been texts only but Madara was so scared of losing Hashirama that he couldn't think straight. His mind kept yelling how Hashirama was going to abandon him, how he was going to end up alone and Madara wasn't sure he was strong enough to handle such a loss.  
  
He wasn't sure he could handle a proper heart break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation from the french sentences :
> 
> Excusez-moi = Excuse me  
> Pouvez-vous m'aider ? = Could you help me ?  
> Je peux essayer = I can try  
> Je dois visiter le .. College = I am to visit the college  
> Pourriez-vous m'indiquer le bureau du directeur ? = Could you tell me where the director's office is ?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many comments! I love you guys !
> 
> Things are moving slowly, drama's starting to begin. Chapter 6 will provide with cute moments. And the appearance of a new character.
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it !

Everything went back to normal after a couple of days. Madara was wary, at first, always glancing at Hashirama's phone when Hashirama was answering a text, always feeling that burning sensation in his heart when he suspected Hashirama was talking with her but he eventually calmed down. It wasn't easy, to begin with, to trust Hashirama again after such a cold moment but Hashirama went extra-careful with him. They had their lunch at the place Madara chose the last time and Hashirama loved it. They spent time together both at Madara's and Hashirama's place and they had been able to settle most things down.  
  
What helped the most was how Hashirama promised, over and over, that nothing was happening between Mito and him, that their relationship was friendly and nothing more. He offered Madara to read their conversations, if he needed to, but Madara refused. He wanted to trust Hashirama again, because he loved the man and it began with trusting him to be faithful.

* * *

Hashirama wasn't going to be in town for a couple of days. With his class, he was gone to visit some museums, ruins and memorials in another city and he'd come back soon. Madara couldn't help but feel like they had needed this pause. It really wasn't a pause, they only were away from each other for a time and back together as soon as Hashirama would be home but Madara didn't feel as bad as he first imagined. The constant stress of hearing Hashirama's phone buzz and the embarrassment each time he'd answer a message was tiring and Madara didn't need this, he didn't need that kind of stress. He already was nervous enough with his incoming exams.  
  
Today was a day like every other. Madara had finished with his lessons and he was eager to go back home, do his homework and rest. The day was hot and all he had in mind was reading, comfortably settled in the hammock near the swimming pool. It wasn't something he did often but was feeling like he deserved it, this time. Maybe Izuna could join him, take one of the chairs and spend time with him ? It had been so long since the two of them spent quality moments together. Izuna had been really fussy when Madara had his problems about his mark, always taking care of him and making sure their parents wouldn't know anything about it. Not that they couldn't help but Madara was a secretive person and didn't share much with them. His little brother had been his very first confidant and the only one for years, until he met with Hashirama.  
  
Izuna knew him better than anyone else in the world. And maybe it'd help Madara to speak about Hashirama and his soulmate ? He had avoided his little brother ever since Mito's arrival but it was time he spoke about it, wasn't it ?  
  
A now familiar itch startled Madara, as he was walking through the College's small park and he looked down at his wrist, wondering why it was acting up now. It hadn't itched this way in some time, he had been almost relieved when he noticed it and Madara stopped his tracks, glaring down at it. Couldn't that damn thing just leave him alone ? He hated it, he hated the whole concept of soul marks now, ever since Mito's appearance in his life and he seriously wondered if there was any way to get rid of it for good.  
  
The itch intensified, Madara gritted his teeth, his hand almost immediately reaching his mark and starting to scratch over his protective sleeve. Pain shot though his body, Madara glanced at the near bench, decided to sit there and he bit his lower lip. He wasn't sure he ever felt something has painful before, not even once, not even when he had reached his limits and drew blood as his nails had been digging and scrapping into his skin, into this damned mark. He didn't know what was worse : the itching or the obvious glow beneath the sleeve ? Madara didn't have to push it away, he already knew it was burning its bright blue colour, that his soulmate was close. He could feel it down his core and he was frustrated with it. Couldn't they just leave him alone ? Couldn't they just leave his life and stop torturing him like that ?  
  
Tears of annoyance slid down his cheeks, Madara tasted blood on his tongue as his lip broke under his teeth and he closed his eyes, to make sure he wouldn't see any curious gaze directed toward him. He hated making a show of himself, it wasn't the first time, after all, that his mark was driving him crazy since he started College. He was sick of it, sick of the mark and the whole soulmates business. He wished he could get rid of it.  
  
A hand on his shoulder made him jump quite violently, Madara opened his eyes quickly, he looked up and turned away when he recognized a blurred image of Tobirama. Tobirama didn't mind, though. His hand rubbed at his shoulder, before he knelt in front of him and pulled Madara into a tight hug. Madara didn't resist a second. They didn't know each other much but Tobirama was always of good company and they went along pretty well. Also, he really needed the hug right now and as soon as he collided with Tobirama, as soon as his arms were around him, Madara shivered and he closed his eyes again.  
  
“There,” Tobirama whispered, one of his hands rubbing at Madara's back, in an awkward manner. “Calm down, Madara. You're all right.”  
  
Madara didn't say a thing. He merely nuzzled Tobirama's neck because he smelt a bit like Hashirama. They were brothers, after all so it wasn't surprising. Warily, because he wasn't sure the other man would accept it, Madara hugged back, he sighed. The hug had taken away the itch in an instant and even if his cheeks were still wet, the pain was gone. He didn't know how it happened and why it happened with Tobirama but he didn't care, as long as he felt better.  
  
Tobirama's hand slid though his hair, as a comforting gesture and Madara bit his lip. He was lucky in a way, that Tobirama had been close enough, that he had decided to help. For a moment, he wished he were in Hashirama's arms, or Izuna's but he knew how the two of them would have reacted. They would have worried for him to no end, desperately trying to make him smile but all he had needed, at that moment, had been that kind of hug and he was thankful. Tobirama's hand touched his hair again, Madara shuddered and breathed in a bit deeper, as he let himself relax against the other man.  
  
“You feel better ?”  
  
Tobirama's voice was filled with attention, with care and Madara was only able to nod, he wasn't sure his voice wouldn't fail him now. All he hoped was for Tobirama to keep holding him, even if just for a minute. He didn't want to part. Not yet. Madara breathed in a shuddering breath, he breathed out as slowly as he could, to properly calm down and Tobirama rubbed his back again.  
  
Minutes passed, Tobirama didn't push him back and they parted only when Madara's legs started to become sore from the awkward position and he sat back on the bench while Tobirama was still crouching in front of him. Madara dried his cheeks the best he could, he made sure his sleeve was still hiding his mark and he glanced at Tobirama when Tobirama sat beside him.  
  
“What happened ?”  
  
Madara blinked, surprised Tobirama wanted to get involved in this mess. But he owed the man some answers, as Tobirama had been so willing to talk about his own soulmate, the other time. It was only fair and Madara sighed.  
  
“My mark was .. scratching. A lot. And it was really painful.” Madara whispered, not daring to look at the other man.  
  
“Is it .. recurrent ?”  
  
Madara looked at his mark, for a moment, he swallowed hard and shrugged. “It had been a long time since it last burned like that. There's always .. a small itch, it never stops. But sometimes, it gets out of control and nothing can sooth it.”  
  
There was a silence, making Madara wonder if Tobirama was even believing his words. And it became so awkward that he was forced to look up, to look at Tobirama's eyes. Tobirama looked pained. It wasn't like Izuna's determined will to help him, nor Hashirama's usual panic. It was proper pain and Madara couldn't understand why. They weren't close friends, after all, merely acquaintances but Tobirama really seemed to take what he said to the heart.  
  
Before he could wonder why any longer, Tobirama looked away, he glanced at his own mark.  
  
“Mine feels hot when my soulmate is close. Like it's burning the flesh but it's never painful.” Tobirama admitted after a moment.  
  
“Did you .. go after him ?”  
  
Tobiama's eyes flickered, he looked away for a moment but he eventually, properly smiled. Madara then realized he never saw Tobirama smiled this way. It was a nice smile, really. It almost looked like Hashirama's.  
  
“Not yet,” Tobirama said. “I'm still waiting for the right moment.”

* * *

Madara had tried to avoid it but Tobirama insisted to accompany him home. As if he was scared of something happening on his way, like his mark acting up again and Madara was grateful, in a way but he wasn't sure why Tobirama was being this friendly with him. Maybe he pitied him ? About his lunatic mark ? Or did he feel bad for him because Hashirama was gone ? Did he think it was his duty to help while his brother was gone ?  
  
Madara was lost in thoughts when they arrived in front of his house's gate but he turned around to Tobirama to thank him and, at least, Tobirama was back to his normal state. Cold, almost and grumpy and judging people. So it was Madara's turn to feel at ease and he waved goodbye at the man, waited for Tobirama to leave and entered the garden.  
  
His parents weren't home yet, Madara noticed, their car weren't there but Izuna was. His shoes were in the hall and Madara called out for him, to inform him he was back and smiled when Izuna arrived with a soft expression, a pot of ice-cream in his arm and offering him a spoon so they could eat it together.  
  
“Got to find something in my room first,” Madara smiled at his baby brother. “I'll be right back. Don't start without me !”  
  
Izuna snickered, because he was going to start right when he'd crash on the couch and Madara grabbed his backpack, he quickly walked upstairs and left his bag in his bedroom. There was something he had to do. It wasn't easy to convince himself that it was the right thing to do, he had never done anything like this before and he wasn't sure it was going to help but it was worth a try. If anything, today's crisis had given him enough courage to do so, because he was ashamed of his reaction, ashamed of his mark and people staring at him. He wanted to control it better and he needed help but nor Izuna, nor Hashirama would help. Tobirama either, for that matter, even if Madara was thankful he had been there for him, today.  
  
Slipping in Izuna's room was something he was used to do. His brother used to have the bad habit of stealing clothes from him, ever since they were teens and retrieving them had been Madara's missions more than once. He always thought there was no need to involve their parents into it, they had better things to do and Izuna wouldn't be able to complain, since he was a sneaky little thief and Madara was merely getting his stuff back.  
  
Now they were grown up, Izuna had stopped stealing his thing, especially his clothes but Madara needed something from his brother's bedroom. Something that could help him, something important and he wanted to be discreet about it. If Izuna knew, he would never have peace anymore.  
  
Izuna's room wasn't a mess. It even was neatly cleaned and tidy but Izuna had his own sense of tidying. Finding clothes in his desk wasn't surprising, nor was it to find stacks of papers and lessons in his wardrobe, in the middle of more clothes. And that made Madara's mission even more complicated than it already was. It took Madara more time that he imagined to find what he was looking for.  
  
Izuna's huge file about marks.  
  
When Madara's mark had started to go crazy, Izuna had printed everything and anything he had been able to find about the soul marks. There were discussions about the way it reacted, articles about soulmates, scientific papers about theories concerning the way it worked. Izuna even printed some marks patterns, scribbled underneath the pictures how they could match his brother's but he never showed that to Madara. The file was heavy with all of this but Madara was looking for something in particular, something Izuna had talked for a long time and he eventually found it.  
  
Slid between two smaller files was a small business card. Those were the contact information for one of the groups Izuna contacted. It said, on the card that anyone could come, that they didn't need an appointment. It was a free help group for those who struggled with their mark and Madara quickly pocketed the card.  
  
The sound of footsteps suddenly caught his attention, Madara clasped the file closed, he pushed it back in its place and stepped aside toward the clothes, going through them as Izuna opened the door.  
  
“What are you doing ?”  
  
Izuna's tone was accusative but Madara glanced at his brother, shrugged. “I was looking for that band shirt, I can't find it in my room.”  
  
“So you thought I stole it ?” Izuna frowned but a smile was tugging at his lips.  
  
“Wouldn't be the first time.”  
  
Spending time with Izuna, after that, was more than welcomed. Izuna didn't eat all of the ice-cream while waiting for him and they watched a movie together. It was simple but it was quality time between brothers and Madara had needed it more than he imagined. Izuna did seem pleased too and it made Madara happy.  
  
But, as soon as he was in his bedroom, Madara locked the door, pulled the business card from his pocket and he read it all. The hours of the different group sessions were written down and he had missed today's but there was one the next evening and Madara decided it'd be a good thing if he, at least, went there and listened. He wasn't sure he was going to share his story with strangers, he wasn't sure that's what he wanted but maybe, listening to others would help him ? Or, at least, show him he wasn't the only one in his situation ?  
  
The address wasn't far from the campus and Madara decided to walk there. He didn't understand why he was feeling so nervous, he had told himself he wasn't going to talk anyways but, admitting something was really wrong with himself wasn't easy. He had known, for some time, that his mark was making him go crazy sometimes, he even cried because of it, the previous day but it was nothing compared with meeting with professionals.  
  
The place was strangely calming. Madara passed through a porch, he followed the arrows indicating him the way toward the meeting place and ended up in a … living room. Madara wasn't sure there was any other word to describe it. The room was vast yet full of light, there were comfortable armchairs and people were chatting, here and there. There was a circle of comfortable chairs near the bay window and Madara was curious about the garden behind it but as he stepped forward, a tall man with a soft smile walked to him and bowed his head with respect.  
  
“Good evening,” the man said. “My name is Ashura and I am one of the persons in charge of the group. I don't think I ever saw you before.”  
  
Madara blinked, stunned and the man looked at him again, he tilted his head to the side. “You are Madara, aren't you ?” he asked, with an amused smile. “Your brother looks so much like you.”  
  
“I .. yes,” Madara nodded, at loss of words. “Izuna came here ?”  
  
“A couple of years ago, yes.” Ashura admitted. “Do you wish to take this conversation to a more discreet place ? I'd prefer you don't participate in the group tonight, since it is your first time here.”  
  
Glancing toward the rest of the room, Madara didn't need to nod for the man to invite him to follow, they walked along some corridors until they reached a smaller room. There were two armchairs there, near the window but still a nice view to the garden and Madara sat, as Ashura asked him to, he looked outside for a while.  
  
“Let me introduce myself properly,” Ashura said, after a while. “I have been working here for twelve years now, with my brother Indra. We decided to create this place for people in need of help, about their mark. I have a doctorate in psychiatry, specialised in soul mark's troubles and traumas.”  
  
Madara spared the man a quick look but he concentrated on the garden. Now he was there, now he was facing a doctor, all the nervousness was gone. Instead, there was that cold realization that it was going to be more difficult than he ever imagined, to tell a stranger about his problems. Even if this Ashura was a doctor, even if he came here on his own accord. Nobody forced him, after all, Izuna hadn't mentioned this place in years.  
  
But he needed it, didn't he ?  
  
“Alright, let's begin,” the man smiled. “When I met with your brother, he said he'd bring you with him when you would be willing to talk but you came on your own. May I ask why ?”  
  
Madara sighed. Already he could feel the itch come back. Not as violently as the day before but still annoying and he rubbed at his wrist.  
  
“I need help.” Madara eventually whispered, forcing the words out of himself. “And answers. And I thought coming here might help.”  
  
Ashura nodded, he glanced at Madara's wrist and he smiled. “Then, I will do my best to help you with your mark,” he answered truthfully. “But I have to tell you that I am no magician and I will need your entire cooperation for things to work.” He paused, letting Madara understand what he meant by that. He had no magic wand, no magic spell to make the pain and the frustration go away, Madara understood. It was going to take time and Madara was going to have to work on himself but Madara was willing to try. Nothing else ever worked, after all. “Now, tell me what happened for you to want to come ?”  
  
Madara hesitated, for a second, he looked away, toward the garden again and he sighed. “It hurts.” he muttered. “It itches, all the time. Even now. But sometimes, the itch becomes unbearable and I can't think of anything but tear my skin off to try and make it stop.”  
  
Ashura tilted his head to the side, he glanced at the wrist again and joined his fingers on his lap. “Why do you hide it ?”  
  
“Because it hasn't stopped glowing in years.” Madara groaned. “It glows all the time, night and day and I'm sick of it.”  
  
The itch intensified, Madara scratched at it, over his sleeve and Ashura leaned closer.  
  
“Would you take off the sleeve, while we talk ?” he asked, even if it was more of an order.  
  
Madara looked up, because he didn't know why it'd help but he did as he was told. He didn't want to do it, he didn't want to look at it but he was here to receive help and if Ashura really was qualified to help him, he wasn't going to be stubborn and refuse what the doctor was asking him to do. So, he pulled on the sleeve, until it was a bracelet at the bottom of his wrist and he turned his arm around so Ashura could see the mark. As usual, its glow was soft and faint and Ashura examined it for a moment.  
  
“It is a really beautiful mark,” he remarked as he took Madara's hand in his. “It looks like the sea, doesn't it ?”  
  
“Waves,” Madara smiled, despite how itchy it was. “It's not obvious right now but it glows blue. A deep dark blue.”  
  
“Does it itch now ?”  
  
Madara nodded softly, turning his eyes away from his mark and trying to relax in the chair. It wasn't easy, as he wanted to cover it again but Ashura didn't tell him he was allowed to so he didn't.  
  
“There are theories, about the itching sensations,” Ashura stated after a pause. “Apparently, it is linked to one's non-acceptance of their mark. And it keeps hurting, as long as they have dark thoughts about it.”  
  
“So,” Madara trailed, “You think it hurts because I don't want to meet with my soulmate ? Because I hate them before even meeting with them ?”  
  
“Why don't you want to meet with them ?”  
  
Madara sighed, he rolled his eyes. “Because I have a boyfriend. I have been with Hashirama for years now, we planned our life together and I don't want that to change. I love him. And I won't let a mark decide my future for me.”  
  
Ashura's gaze on him was intense and Madara made sure to never look at him in the eyes.  
  
“I get that, Madara, I really do and it is your right.” the doctor said in a soft tone. “But it doesn't mean you have to hate your soulmate in return, they did nothing wrong. Accept it, accept the fact that you have a soulmate, even if you never meet with them. You can control your fate but you can't hate something like this. If you love Hashirama, then be it, love him, as much as you can but don't denigrate your soulmate in return.”  
  
There was a pause, Madara felt his throat tighten. He hadn't imagined he'd hear those words tonight, he hadn't braced himself for them and yet, they felt true, to some point.  
  
“The mark is a part of your soul, and part of your soulmate's, it links the two of you together. And it hurts to feel your hatred and to be rejected. Even if you never want to meet with them. You have to accept it, in order to make it stop hurting. Only then will it become easier for you, Madara. Even if it's not easy.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys !
> 
> Sorry, it's a little later than when I usually post but I was out all day and I couldn't upload the chapter earlier!
> 
> Things are getting more precise now, with Hashi and Mada and the drama comes !
> 
> Thanks again for your support, it means a lot to me!

The itching sensation did lessen. Madara was doing his best with it, he was trying not to feel that burning hate toward his mark and his soulmate as he did for years and it wasn't easy but Ashura didn't say it would be. On the contrary, he said it was going to be difficult, to get rid of years of this behaviour, that he was going to have to work on himself a lot. He had told Madara to come back when he'd feel like it, that he or his brother would welcome him with pleasure. He didn't have to call, nor inform them of his need to talk. He just had to show up and he'd be taken care of.  
  
Ashura had given him an exercise, before he left. To take off the sleeve when he was feeling comfortable with it, to work on his self-acceptance of his mark. He didn't have to spend hours without the sleeve, minutes, at first, could be enough and for now, Madara had taken it off while he was working on his homework and when he was sleeping. It wasn't much but probably more than Ashura planned him to do, Madara always made sure no one was going to see it but the frustration he used to feel as he looked at it faded slowly.  
  
The glow never faded, though, it was always there and even if Madara had some dark thoughts, and made the mark itch because of them, he had been able to contain them. His soul-mate wasn't at fault here. Only him.  
  
Ashura had been right, after all : his mark was beautiful. Hashirama said so too, in the past, but it wasn't the same. Hashirama also said that all of him was beautiful. He was biased in his judgement.  
  
Madara was satisfied with how the meeting happened. He had expected embarrassed silences and not being able to talk but there was something, in Ashura, something soothing his qualm that made him feel so comfortable, so relaxed. Maybe it had been the place, the intimate office with comfortable chairs and a nice view on the garden, maybe it only had been because Ashura talked with him in sincerity, not trying to force him to admit things he didn't want to talk about. Ashura hadn't lied about what he said, he talked about theories and not facts and it felt right.  
  
Maybe it was only some kind of placebo effect but Madara thought it was worth a try. Hating on his mark and wishing for it to disappear never worked, after all so he could try and accept it. He had nothing to lose, after all.  
  
Hashirama's field trip was over now. He had come back in the morning, with the rest of his class and had told Madara he was too exhausted to do anything but sleep all day. Madara had laughed at that, he could understand Hashirama's tiredness, after such a trip and wished him to sleep tight. But he had something in mind, something that would please the man. He planned on visiting him, on spending the evening with him, and have him see the stars. They didn't have sex since the whole “Mito situation” and Hashirama, tired as he could be, wouldn't say no.  
  
He always was so enthusiastic when it came to sex.  
  
The day felt like it was stretching, as Madara was eager to see his boyfriend again and he was getting more and more annoyed with his lessons. But he had to hold tight, it was important to him, after all, he couldn't fail his degree and he had been too distracted lately. He had to focus again, to work twice as much and it wasn't so bad if it meant not seeing Hashirama as often as before. Hashirama could handle it, he'd have to.  
  
The moment Madara waited for all day long arrived, at last and Madara took the bus to Hashirama's place. Maybe he'd be able to work during the night, when Hashirama would be asleep ? It was Friday night, after all, and he'd have the whole week end to concentrate on his projects and his papers. If Hashirama didn't convince him to stay, that was.  
  
Madara was feeling a little nervous, when he knocked at the door and he heard some shuffling behind it, until Tobirama opened the door and frowned. Madara frowned too, in answer and he looked over the man's shoulder.  
  
“Hashi's not here ?”  
  
“Well, no” Tobirama grunted. “He left an hour ago.” he then paused, looking around. “I thought he was with you.”  
  
A weight fell in Madara's stomach and he bit his lip, trying not to think about the worst case scenario. He couldn't doubt, not tonight and he held back a sigh, looked up again.  
  
“I'll send him a text,” he told the other. “Can I stay until he answers ?”  
  
Tobirama's only answer was to turn around, walk away from him, leaving the door open and Madara rolled his eyes at the other's antics, he entered the place, took off his shoes and closed the door. As he seemed to enjoy, Tobirama was working on the coffee table, with the television muted and Madara sat beside him in silence, pulled his phone from his pocket to ask Hashirama where he was and he waited. One minute, two minutes, Madara checked his phone, to make sure it didn't mess up or something.  
  
Half an hour passed and he still had no answer and Madara couldn't hold still anymore. Not that he was worried for Hashirama, the man could handle himself just right but something was off with all of this. And Madara didn't want to think of what Hashirama might be doing, he didn't want to think of that damned thing he had in mind, he didn't want to think that Hashirama was betraying him.  
  
“You can dine here, if you'd like.” Tobirama muttered after a moment. “There's pizza leftovers and half an apple pie.”  
  
Madara tried to refuse, at first, because he and Tobirama weren't that close, despite how the other hugged him, the other day and how he was grateful he didn't have to go through that crisis alone. He first thought that Tobirama was pitying him, because Hashirama wasn't answering, because he probably had his own theories about the situation but as he looked at the other's face, Madara sighed. He didn't want to be alone tonight, after all and with Hashirama gone who knows where and Izuna at a party with his own friends, what other solution did he have ? And if Tobirama was offering diner, as simply as he did, Madara didn't have the heart to refuse.  
  
He nodded, eventually. Tobirama stacked all of his books and sheets of paper beside the coffee table and walked to the kitchen so he could heat up the pizza a little and prepare some dishes for the two of them. Madara was too stunned to help, too lost in thought to even think of helping Tobirama but Tobirama didn't seem to mind anyways.  
  
Soon, there was pizza, in a plate in front of him and Madara thanked the other man, glanced at him, they started to eat in an awkward silence.  
  
Madara was focused on his phone, not willing to miss a call or a text. He wanted to know where Hashirama was. With whom, especially and it was driving him mad, even if he did his best not to show it. Tobirama didn't need to know. Tobirama wasn't his friend, after all, only his boyfriend's brother and even if they did go along pretty well, it didn't mean he was going to spill it out to him. And what Tobirama could possibly do, even if he knew ? He had no super powers either, he wouldn't be able to help.  
  
“So,” Tobirama muttered after a while. “Did your mark itch again ?”  
  
For an instant, Madara wondered if he couldn't just ignore the question but it'd be really impolite. Tobirama had invited him, after all and he had no obligation to do it in the first place. He could have slammed the door to his nose but he didn't. He invited him in, gave him food and it was more than Madara would have asked from him.  
  
“A little,” Madara sighed, looking away. “Not like the other time but .. I .. I met with a specialist. He thinks it hurts because I don't accept my mark and my soulmate. He said that we are linked, through the mark and my negative feelings are causing the pain.”  
  
If Tobirama thought anything of it, he didn't show it. Madara could feel his gaze on him, peering into him as if he was trying to find something, any hint of what Madara was thinking about that theory, if he even believed it and Madara leaned on the table, propped his head on his palm.  
  
“I .. have to take the sleeve off, sometimes. Just to .. get used to the mark, to its never-ending glow.” he admitted after a pause. “I have to learn how to live with it and not think it's going to .. I don't even know. Ruin my plans with Hashi ?”  
  
Tobirama shifted at that, he cleared his throat and Madara glanced at him, wondering if he was saying too much now. The other man seemed a little uneasy now and maybe he had shared too much ? Tobirama only asked about the itch, nothing more.  
  
“So you don't want to meet with your soulmate ?”  
  
Madara shrugged. “It's not that I don't want to meet with them,” he said. “I just .. I'm scared of losing Hashirama if I do. Especially now he met with Mito ..”  
  
Tobirama didn't answer to that and Madara scratched his hair, forced a smile and said, “Still haven't told yours ? Isn't it hard ?”  
  
“Sometimes,” Tobirama admitted with a nod. “The worst part is seeing him around other people, so .. unaware that I am right here.”  
  
He then paused, grabbing another slice of pizza, shoved half of it in his mouth, swallowed it and snorted. “But I can't just .. show up into his life and impose myself. It's not right.”  
  
“Maybe you could.” Madara commented with a crooked smile. “He might like it.”  
  
“Trust me he wouldn't,” Tobirama answered, rolling his eyes. “And it's better this way for now. Things already are complicated enough.”  
  
Madara hummed at that, completely agreeing and he sighed. He checked his phone, making sure Hashirama hadn't answered to him yet but he didn't and Madara didn't like that. He really didn't and he'd prefer Hashirama to say something, anything, even if it'd hurt him. He didn't care, he just wanted to know what Hashirama was up to.  
  
Tobirama, beside him, sighed and shifted toward him. “I should stay out of this but do you want me to send him a text ? Just asking him where he is ?”  
  
Madara hesitated for a second, he tried to convince himself that he didn't need that, that he could trust Hashirama, that he could close his eyes, just for tonight without thinking of the worst but he couldn't. He had one thing in mind, something terrible and he wanted to be sure he wasn't just making it up. He didn't care if it hurt, he didn't care if he hated himself afterwards. He needed to know and he hoped he wasn't going to regret it.  
  
A simple nod was enough for Tobirama to pull out his phone, send a message to his brother and they both waited in silence, for Hashirama's answer. A minute ticked, then another and Tobirama's phone buzzed, at least. Tobirama read the message first but as he saw him paled, Madara stole the phone from his hands, his eyes widened as he read Hashirama's answer.  
  
“I'm with Madara. I'm not coming home tonight. Don't wait for me!”

* * *

Strangely enough, Madara didn't feel the rage he predicted.  
  
After reading Hashirama's text, Madara barely nodded, as if he was trying to accept the idea he had had in mind since he showed up at Hashirama's place. He had felt his cheeks pale a little, as blood rushed to the fists he was clenching so hard, he looked away from Tobirama's sorry gaze because he couldn't bear to see pity in the other man's eyes and he sat still for half an hour, lost in thoughts and feeling so empty because of Hashirama's lie.  
  
Then, he had calmly asked Tobirama if he could stay there, to do his homework and Tobirama had told him to just make himself home. Truth is, Madara didn't feel like going home. He was feeling a little lost and focusing on his papers helped. At least after he managed to push everything away.  
  
He slept in Hashirama's bed, because it probably was his last chance to do so. He spent hours, just enjoying Hashirama's smell on his pillow, wondering if this was really happening, wondering why he felt so empty, why he wasn't breaking everything around him. He could. Tobirama wouldn't stop him. He had seen Tobirama's look and Tobirama didn't approve of his brother's actions.  
  
The week-end passed, Hashirama didn't dare to answer to his only message and Madara didn't check his phone either. Izuna was worried. Madara looked up at him, once and saw his sorrow and the way his eyes shone. Izuna was too intelligent for his own good and Madara didn't need to tell him what happened for his brother to know. There always was that link, between the two of them, like a telepathic communication of some sort and Izuna knew. Something was up between him and Hashirama and he knew it was best for now not to meddle. He'd help, when the time would be right.  
  
Anger arrived on Monday morning, as Madara wondered what kind of a coward Hashirama was. He who always claimed to be honest was lying to his face and Madara didn't accept that. He couldn't and he wouldn't. But he was waiting for his .. boyfriend to come to him, to dare face him and he'd release his feelings at this moment. They were slowly building up inside him, for now, slowly growing up and Madara wasn't sure he'd be able to contain them for a long time.  
  
The day had passed without seeing Hashirama all day and even if he wondered where he could have been, wondering if he wasn't just bedding Mito again, Madara preferred not to push the issue too much. Madara did nothing wrong, after all, he wasn't the one cheating.  
  
It wasn't Izuna's plan, though, to give him time, as Madara heard a knock on his bedroom's door late that night. He still was working on a project, typing on his computer as he was sitting on his bed and light must have given away the fact that he wasn't sleeping yet. But Izuna didn't wait for the invitation, he entered the room and walked to the bed, sat beside his brother and gave him his devilish smile.  
  
Izuna was scary when he was smiling like that.  
  
“Should I kill him ?” he whispered and Madara didn't have to argue, Izuna just knew.  
  
“Why would you kill him ?” Madara asked, never looking away from his screen and his tone as calm as it could be.  
  
“To defend my brother's honour, of course.”  
  
Madara rolled his eyes and he was going to tell Izuna that he didn't need to be defended, that he was adult enough to deal with it all, that it was Hashirama who was fleeing the conflict and the almost certain break-up but as soon as he tore his eyes from his computer and peered into Izuna's eyes, his baby brother pulled him in a heart crushing embrace.  
  
At first, Madara felt awkward, because he didn't know what to think, because he didn't know if he was sad at all. He had felt so resigned, since the night with Tobirama, so aware that Hashirama was going to leave him. It wasn't like Hashirama to lie after all so him, going to such length meant something happened between Mito and him and Madara had no doubt about it. He just knew and he had known ever since Hashirama met with her.  
  
But as Izuna's hand kept going through his hair, as he was trying to reassure him, Madara closed his eyes, he sighed.  
  
“I .. I don't know what to do.” he admitted. “He just .. stopped answering, he just ..” he stammered on his words, not knowing how to voice his feelings without exploding but Izuna didn't need more.  
  
“Demand him to tell you the truth. Tell him he owes you that much.” Izuna advised, despite his voice failing him a little. “He can't hurt you like that.”  
  
“He met with his soulmate and he just .. He said she was nothing for him!”  
  
Izuna sighed, he shifted closer, so Madara wouldn't be able to pull away from the embrace and he kissed his brother's head. “I'm sorry Madara. I really am but .. I don't know what to tell you. It's just ..sad. After all this time.”  
  
Madara bit his lip and he closed his eyes. But Izuna was right about one thing. Hashirama had to tell him the truth, he had to face him and if tomorrow, he didn't show up in class, he'd just wait for him at his place. Tobirama wouldn't mind him there, he had been quite welcoming and friendly, on Friday night and add allowed Madara to stay. He'd probably try and help him for that too. He had been disgusted with his brother's behaviour, Madara noticed it in his look.  
  
One thing was sure, Madara wouldn't be able to resume working after that. He was feeling too restless, because despite his calm acceptance of the situation, facing Hashirama could go from a civilized talk to .. anything else. He had no idea how it was going to go, no idea if Hashirama was going to tell the truth at once or try to lie to him. He had lied to his younger brother, after all and Madara wouldn't be surprised Hashirama lied to him again.  
  
This made him feel as if he didn't truly know the man he had been with for all these years. As if Hashirama was a stranger and had fooled him until now and it was scary in a way. Scarier than the thought of Hashirama leaving him, scarier than thinking he might end up alone soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please guys don't hate me for this chapter ?
> 
> I promise, things will go better, someday ..
> 
> And we're over 100 kudos now ! This is amazing! thank you all <3

Hashirama didn't show up on the campus all day, once again and Madara was resigned to go through with his plan. He still hadn't received any answer to his text, hadn't sent another one because it hurt to think Hashirama was avoiding him like that and Madara wanted Hashirama to face him and tell him the truth to his face. Writing a text was easy and he wasn't going to go easy on him. Not after what Hashirama had said, not after all these years they spent together. It wasn't fair and Madara wanted, at least, to be shown he had any value for the man.  
  
If not, he didn't know what he could do.  
  
The day was a long one, the hours seemed to stretch and Madara had been unable to concentrate. He was pretty sure he missed some important points in class, things that he'd have to use during his exams. Could he use Hashirama as an excuse if he failed his degree ? He was pretty sure he could. And he would, if that day was to happen, he was never going to go easy on Hashirama.  
  
He was feeling so betrayed.  
  
As soon as his day was over, though, Madara left for his .. “boyfriend's” apartment. He had told Izuna to warn their parents, to tell them he might not come home soon, he didn't know how long this was going to take. It could be quick or go for a full night of yelling and throwing things at each other, Madara knew that much but it was a thing he had to do.  
  
It was Tobirama, who opened the door after Madara knocked and the younger Senju looked at him in the eyes for several seconds before he stepped aside.  
  
“He's out.” he said, closing the door after Madara entered. “He had to buy some groceries, he should be back soon.”  
  
“I do not wish to disturb your work.” Madara sighed, as he noticed Tobirama's homework on the coffee table.  
  
“I'll just go in my room.”  
  
On these words, Tobirama stacked up his notebooks and his textbooks, carried them to his desk and Madara sighed, as he leant against the door-frame to Tobirama's bedroom and he crossed his arms.  
  
“Did he say something ? Anything at all ?”  
  
Tobirama sighed, as he sat in his chair, turned to Madara. He looked tired, which wasn't usual of him and Madara wondered, for a moment, if something happened between the brothers but it probably wasn't his place to ask. Would they still interact, after his conversation with Hashirama ? Because if he and Hashirama were to break-up, Madara was pretty sure he wouldn't come back here anytime soon. And there were no reasons for Tobirama to hang out with him, were there ? He did because Hashirama was around but if Hashirama was gone ..  
  
“Madara, before Hashi arrives, there's something I need to tell you.” Tobirama muttered, avoiding eye contact but as Madara was going to ask him to go on, curious about what he had to say, the front door clicked behind him and Madara turned around, eyes wide and heart pounding in his chest, he pulled Tobirama's bedroom door closed so they wouldn't bother him too much and he waited, as Hashirama entered the place, arms full with grocery bags and looking a little distressed with them.  
  
“Tobs ?” Hashirama called out, as he was struggling with all of his bags. “I need help over here ..”  
  
Hashirama still hadn't noticed him, making Madara roll his eyes and he approached the other, took a couple of bags from him.  
  
“Here, let me help.”  
  
Saying Hashirama was startled was an understatement. He jumped, yelled in fear and turned around, true horror written on his face.  
  
Madara couldn't help but roll his eyes again, as Hashirama always had been quite sensitive when it came to jump scares and he crossed his arms, as Hashirama was trying to breath, tilted his head, waiting. It took a full minute for Hashirama to calm down properly and he placed a hand over his heart, breathed out and closed the door with his foot, before he moved to the kitchen to start and empty his bags there.  
  
“Hashirama.” Madara called out, as this was one of Hashirama's ways to avoid the conversation.  
  
“Yeah I've got some fresh meat, I got to put it away in the fridge and ..”  
  
But Madara wasn't going to let the other man slip away from him and he frowned. “Hashi, I'm warning you, I have no patience for your bullshit today.”  
  
Hashirama didn't answer. He continued to put his groceries away, as if he was alone but Madara noticed how his hands were shaking and how he was making sure not to look at him. It was irritating, to not even deserve a glance from his boyfriend but he wasn't going to let Hashirama fool him. Not again.  
  
“Hashi.”  
  
Hashirama froze at his name, probably because of Madara's calm tone, triggering all the alarms in him, and he swallowed hard, finished emptying his bag and he slowly turned around, eyes low and leaning against the kitchen cabinets.  
  
“I want you to tell me where you were on Friday night,” Madara asked, as composed as he could be in such a situation and Hashirama seemed to pale. The answer was obvious, really but Madara needed to hear it from the man, to hear him say it.  
  
“With friends,” Hashirama said, forcing a smile. “Was already drunk when you texted me and I forgot to answer.”  
  
“Oh no you fucking don't,” Madara growled between gritted teeth. “Don't you fucking dare lie to my face. You told Tobirama you were with me !”  
  
“How do you know ?” Hashirama questioned in disbelief.  
  
“I know because I was here ! I came to surprise you and you were gone and you lied to your own brother !” Madara snarled at Hashirama's fake surprised expression. “And you didn't even show up for class for two days so don't tell me you weren't avoiding me !”  
  
“I ..” but Hashirama wasn't able to finish a sentence and he lowered his head again.  
  
There it was, Hashirama's unmistakable guilt. Saying Hashirama wasn't good at hiding his emotions was an euphemism. It wasn't that he wasn't good at it. Hashirama was completely unable to control his emotions, especially when they were as negative as the ones he was feeling right now and Madara pushed away the urge to roll his eyes again.  
  
“Are you going to tell me then ?” Madara asked, his eyes never leaving Hashirama's face. “Or should I start torturing you or something ?”  
  
Hashirama's mouth opened several times, his lips trembled and Madara felt annoyance take over his calmness. Was Hashirama scared of him now ? Was he terrified he'd really punch him in the face if he admitted the obvious ? Never, during all the years they were together, had Madara hit him or hurt him physically. He wasn't that kind of man but Hashirama made him feel like he was. Or maybe his guilt had him think about the outcome of this inevitable conversation and he feared for his life ?  
  
“Hashi,” Madara growled as a soft threat and Hashirama placed his hand on his lip, he closed his eyes for a second.  
  
“I went on a date with Mito,” Hashirama muffled behind his fingers. “W-we spoke all week when I was away and I offered her to take a drink with me. I-it was supposed to be a drink only,” Hashirama whispered, shaking his head. “As friends !”  
  
“What happened ?” Madara's calm tone was turning cold but he did his best to keep his temper in check. It probably wasn't the right time to explode, was it ?  
  
“N-nothing !” Hashirama yelled, looking almost offended now. “Nothing happened !”  
  
Madara tilted his head to the side, a scowl in place on his brow as he was wondering if Hashirama was lying again.  
  
“I swear on my brother's life !” Hashirama promised, if desperately. “I didn't do anything with her !”  
  
“Keep me out of this !” Tobirama called out from his own room and Madara couldn't help but look at the bedroom's door, over his shoulder and smirk. He had no doubt Tobirama was listening to the conversation, even if unwillingly. The walls were thin, as he remarked once and he too probably wanted to know what his brother was at.  
  
“We held hands, is all we did,” Hashirama then explained, his cheeks red as possible. “We held hands and we had diner together, we watched a movie and walked in the park and when I took her home, she invited me over.”  
  
“And you said yes.” Madara stated, serious again and glancing at Hashirama's eyes. “And you are going to tell me you didn't sleep with her ?”  
  
“I didn't.” Hashirama whispered with wide eyes. “Well, I slept in her bed but we didn't have sex, if this is what you meant. We spent all night talking, nothing more !”  
  
Madara blinked, because he was surprised even if his rage didn't die down. But he noticed the way Hashirama shifted, looking away from him again and he frowned.  
  
“What about later ?” he asked, straightening his back. “Did you only see her on Friday night .. ?”  
  
There was a silence. The kind of silence that didn't need words to know what it meant and Madara felt his heart bleed inside his chest. This was it, the fatal blow Hashirama was giving him. This was his trust crumbling down, his love being burnt with Hashirama's guilt and unfaithfulness and Madara felt his throat constrict as he noticed the way Hashirama's lips were trembling and how the other man didn't show guilt only. There was something else he couldn't name and Madara hated it already.  
  
“Madara ..” Hashirama pleaded, in a tone that didn't need words for him to understand.  
  
“Tell me what you did.”  
  
“I-I can't !” Hashirama wailed, paling all at once.  
  
“Dammit Hashirama !” Madara yelled at the other, losing his temper. “Stop being a coward ! You owe me the truth ! You owe me answers !”  
  
This time, Hashirama turned away in shame, he hid half his face under his hands and breathed in deeply several times. Madara, on the other time, couldn't feel calm anymore. He wanted Hashirama to speak, he wanted to force the answers out of him if he had to because he deserved it. It was going to hurt, for sure, he was going to feel terrible afterwards but what other choice did he have ? If this was the end, and it felt like it was, he wanted closure. He wanted Hashirama to admit what he did so he could go and find a way to fix his own heart.  
  
Because it was breaking. Hard.  
  
“I-I didn't want to do that to you, Madara,” Hashirama whispered, his voice trembling. “I never wanted to hurt you. B-but I felt so at peace with her, I felt like I was w-where I belonged and I love you but ..”  
  
“You kissed her ?” Madara demanded, a snarl on his face.  
  
“Y-yes.” Hashirama stuttered. “Several times.”  
  
“Then what ?” Madara insisted.  
  
“We .. She said that .. If this was what I wanted, I-I had to talk to you,” Hashirama uttered.  
  
Madara breathed in deeply, to try and calm himself, looking away from that man and he ran an annoyed hand through his hair.  
  
“Well, at least,” he spat the words with almost disgust. “She's more considerate than you are.”  
  
“I tried, Madara ! I really did try telling you ! I spent two days locked in here, trying to figure things out !” Hashirama answered in a desperate tone. “Don't think it's easy for me ! She's my soulmate but I love you !”  
  
Madara scoffed, he glanced at Hashirama, shook his head. “Don't talk to me like that,” he warned the other. “I did nothing wrong here, you're the one at fault.”  
  
“Then tell me what the hell am I supposed to do.” Hashirama pleaded and Madara eyed him for a long minute, trying to order his own thoughts but his decision was already made.  
  
It wasn't an easy one, especially now he was facing the man but he already gave Hashirama another chance, didn't he ? He did give him a chance after Hashirama actually abandoned, forgot about him just to show Mito around. And he did forgive him for that because he thought Hashirama would understand the efforts he did for that, because he thought it was worth it. It had been worth it, really, Madara realized because he loved Hashirama and Hashirama loved him back. Even now, Madara didn't doubt his boyfriend's feelings for him, he never did but as Hashirama himself said, soulmates weren't something one could fight against.  
  
Even now, he was seeing Hashirama's inner battle. Because Hashirama loved him, deeply but Mito was his soulmate and he barely knew her, he didn't spend so much time with her, compared with the years they had been together but it was enough for Hashirama to actually struggle to make his choice. And it made Madara realize he had already lost the fight, there was no point on actually arguing any further.  
  
“Go after her,” Madara eventually muttered, in a defeated tone.  
  
“What ? Aren't you going to ..”  
  
“What do you want me to say ?” Madara asked, trying to hide his emotions. “ Should I be begging you to stay with me ? Should I be on my knees, asking you to choose me ? I love you Hashirama but I know I can't compete with your soulmate. And I think you already chose her, even if you don't realize it yet.”  
  
Stunned, Hashirama didn't move for a long time. He was staring at Madara, eyes wide, his lips apart but it looked like he wasn't able to find his words and Madara didn't need him to talk. At least, Madara thought, he had been honest with Hashirama, as much as Hashirama had been honest with him and it was good, wasn't it ? Even if it hurt, even if he was going through with what he had feared the most for years, losing Hashirama to his soulmate. He had never wanted this to happen, they had plans and Madara still couldn't believe it was all gone now, he couldn't believe this wasn't just a terrible nightmare. But his heart hurt, his hands trembled, his eyes itched from the tears he wouldn't allow himself to shed.  
  
There was one point he couldn't ignore, though, and it was how calm his mark was. Even its usual itch wasn't annoying anymore, almost gone and Madara wondered, for a moment, if his own soulmate was gone too ? Not that he was going to go after them now, he wasn't sure he'd be able to date anyone after Hashirama for the longest time but .. The glowing of his mark had been a constant in his life for so long, just like Hashirama had been until now. And as Hashirama wasn't one anymore, if his mark stopped glowing, what would he have left ?  
  
Madara sighed, as he turned away from Hashirama, he ran his hand in his hair, wondering why he wasn't leaving yet and he rubbed at his face. He couldn't think like that. He still had his brother, didn't he ? Izuna and his parents and his classes and his exams soon. All these were constants and he was going to have to concentrate on those instead. He could do it, even if it felt like he couldn't.  
  
“Mada ..” Hashirama whispered in his back but Madara waved his hand, as a sign to let him be for now, he breathed in deeply several times, he closed his eyes to concentrate on his heart pounding against his chest, so he could just stay grounded for now and he cleared his throat.  
  
“We .. can still be friends,” Madara whispered, not daring to look at Hashirama again. “Not now, not yet. It'll take time. But I still want you as a part of my life.”  
  
“I'm sorry ..” Hashirama muttered and it hurt so much Madara almost lashed out at him but he held it back, closing his eyes and clenching his fists.  
  
“Make her happy, will you ?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many different emotions in last chapter's comments and I guess it won't stop just now !
> 
> But here comes another character and I'm sure you'll all love him !
> 
> Thanks again for all of your support guys!
> 
> (P.S. : I'll answer to the comments when I'll be home tonight, I prepared the chapter in advance to post it earlier !)

Izuna had been waiting for him.  
  
Madara had taken his sweet time to go back home, walking instead of taking the bus because he needed fresh air to cool down a little and he needed this time to think about what he was going to do now. But as soon as he had been at a safe distance away from Hashirama's place, Madara had pulled on his sleeve, to glance at his mark and it was still glowing. The dark blue hue projected some beautiful patterns on the black colour of the sleeve, waves seemed to come and go, as they would have done in the sea and Madara observed it for a long time before he hid it again and focused on his route.  
  
It was a good thing it was still glowing. Not that he was going to go after his soulmate now he was single, he couldn't just forget about Hashirama so quickly but it was still there. The constant in the chaos around him, keeping him grounded. It had started to glow before he even met with Hashirama, after all and even if he had been bitter for years about it, Madara was thankful, tonight.  
  
Somehow, it meant there was still a spark of hope for him.  
  
Izuna had been waiting for him and Madara wasn't surprised when he found his baby brother half lying on his bed, wearing only a shirt and some shorts he used as pyjamas, playing on his phone while he was patienting. Madara didn't dare to look at him, at first, feeling like he could use a shower to try and relax but he felt too tired to go to the bathroom and actually shower. Instead, he got rid of every one of his clothes, including his sleeve, until he was only wearing a shirt and his trunks, he climbed on the bed and sighed, as he rested near Izuna.  
  
Izuna's hand almost immediately shot to his hair, beginning to massage his scalp, as they used to do when they were kids, Madara sighed, glancing at Izuna's phone. Izuna finished his round, struggling to play with only one hand but he still won and he set his phone away, turning dark eyes to his brother.  
  
They didn't need to talk, at first. Madara's tired face and eyes red from holding back shameful tears gave everything away and Izuna merely sighed, he hugged his brother with some strength and kissed the top of his head.  
  
“How do you feel ?”  
  
Madara pondered his words for a long time, asking himself what would be the best answer until he decided to go with the simplest.  
  
“Single.”  
  
Izuna tried to resist but he snorted. Hard. So much it made Madara smile and gently elbow him in the ribs. “Are you laughing at me, brother ?”  
  
“I wouldn't dare,” Izuna snickered, tapping his brother's head in a soft gesture.  
  
Silence settled once more between them, Madara looked down at his mark, brushing against it with his thumb as he wondered what his soul-mate was doing. Not that he cared but once again, it would help him stay grounded, if he knew. Ashura had said they were linked, that a part of their soul was in the mark and Madara wondered, for a long time, if it was the truth. If so, it was a bit creepy. But reassuring too, as it meant he would never be truly alone.  
  
Madara sighed, relaxing under his brother's soothing fingers.  
  
“I went to that group ..” he admitted, knowing Izuna was going to be curious now. “I spoke with Ashura.”  
  
“Oh, so that's what you were searching in my room ?” Izuna realized, eyes wide.  
  
Madara nodded, not saying more and Izuna seemed to fidget beside him, as if he was trying to keep himself from asking too many questions.  
  
“Did it help ?” he questioned, interest in his voice. “Ashura's fine but I think you're more compatible with Indra.”  
  
Madara glanced at his mark, he shrugged.  
  
“A little. The itch isn't as terrible anymore.” he said, his thumb tracing the lines of his mark.  
  
“Did he ask you to show your mark again ?” Izuna wondered out loud.  
  
“He asked me to take off the sleeve when I was comfortable to do so.”  
  
Izuna didn't answer to this but he didn't need to. He was thankful, Madara was quite aware of that. Izuna had suffered, too, during those moments of breakdown when Madara couldn't look at his mark again, when he was begging for the itch to stop, at last, when he kept scratching at it, hurting himself in the process and scarring his skin. Even now, they both could see the superficial flaws on his skin, like lines crossing the mark. Izuna had suffered to see his brother in such a state, he had done all he could to help him, spending sleepless nights searching for help on forums and looking after his brother when Madara was finally able to sleep.  
  
Madara could never thank his brother enough for the help he had always been in his life and even now, Izuna was present. Even through his breakup with Hashirama, Izuna had been waiting for him and Madara wondered, for a moment, if he deserved such a brother. And he didn't know what he could do to thank him but showing trust was already something, wasn't it ? Showing he was comfortable showing him his mark again, without Izuna having to restrain him.  
  
After what seemed an eternity without a word, Izuna dared to touch his brother's mark, following the waves with the tip of his fingers and Madara chided away, as the sensation tickled him. He smiled, when Izuna glanced at him to appreciate his reaction and Izuna's eyes lit up, probably because he feared he had made his big brother uncomfortable.  
  
However, before Izuna could say anything, Madara grabbed his brother's wrist, to look at his own mark and he sighed. Izuna's never glowed before. It was dark purple, a pattern of drifting flower petals with uneven edges and Izuna loved it. He always said his soul-mate probably was a florist so each time he'd be out of town, he'd visit every flower shop he could find, looking at his mark with attention, just in case but it never led him to his soul-mate.  
  
He bought a lot of flowers to their mother, though.  
  
“My soulmate's mark better be beautiful,” Izuna commented with a soft smile. “I hope it's an animal.”  
  
Madara rolled his eyes, knowing all too well his brother's passion for animals in general and he sighed. Without realizing until now, staying with Izuna had helped him a lot. More than he had first expected but it probably came from the fact that Izuna was making sure not to speak about Hashirama. Or what he was going to do now. They were just being casually brotherly, because it was a habit and it was soothing and Madara missed spending time with his brother. College had gotten them so busy lately, even more with the exams approaching and Izuna was as studious as his older brother.  
  
He would never admit it but Izuna's example in life was Madara. It always had been and it always would be.  
  
“I will ..” Madara started, hesitating. “I will go to the group again, tomorrow. I don't know if .. Ashura is qualified enough to help me through the break up but .. Well ..”  
  
“He is specialized,” Izuna nodded. “But he still is a psychiatrist and he can help with all of your problems. He's quite good, from what I've read online. The mayor even thanked him for his work.”  
  
Madara rolled his eyes at that, wondering why they made such a big thing of this but he didn't care. He remembered the calmness of the office, with the view on the gardens, the comfort of his chair, the kindness in Ashura's gaze. He always had been wary around strangers but Ashura had been able to keep the awkwardness at bay and it was all Madara wanted.  
  
“I told Hashi to go after her,” Madara confessed after a long pause. “I just .. I want him to be happy and he'll be happier with her, since she's his soulmate.”  
  
All Izuna did, after that, was to hold his brother tight. Because even if Madara played it quite well, his mask of calmness was slowly crumbling as realization was making its way to his mind, as he was beginning to be truly aware of what the breakup really meant. It wasn't just about not being a couple with Hashirama anymore.  
  
It was abandoning his dreams of living together and the cat he had wanted to adopt. It was the future cold nights alone in his bed and the lack of enthusiastic morning texts to wish him a good day and never looking at Hashirama's bright smile the same way. It was telling his parents that Hashirama was never going to come back as his boyfriend again, telling them Hashirama had found his soulmate. And all the memories they had together and all the stuff that belonged to Hashirama still scattered around his room. He was going to have to learn how to take care of the cactus Hashirama once brought him, saying how it was easy to take care of it, how he couldn't mess it up. Madara never told Hashirama he had replaced the poor thing at least five times because he watered it too much. And the hoodie he actually stole from Hashirama, that was sitting under his pillow. It didn't even smell like Hashirama anymore but Madara had kept it around.  
  
It was the pleasure of Hashirama kissing him just the right way and the fact he'd never be able to feel that again.

* * *

Madara had decided to stay home, the next day. Not that he didn't feel courageous enough to face Hashirama in the corridors of the campus, it had nothing to do with that but he hadn't slept at night. Izuna had stayed with him and slept soundlessly but Madara hadn't been able to close his eyes. Not that he didn't feel tired, he was exhausted as hell and would have taken some drugs to help him sleep if he had some in the house but he didn't. And it meant that, in the morning, he could barely walk without feeling dizzy.  
  
Not eating diner and skipping breakfast probably didn't help either.  
  
He told his parents about his situation before they left for work. Their reaction was quite the opposite from each other. His father looked at him, mute and rigid and merely nodded before he left. His mother hugged him softly, patted his head and said she was sorry even if she didn't know how it happened. She told her older boy to take care of himself and she left too.  
  
Madara didn't feel like telling them Hashirama had found his soulmate. His parents weren't soulmates after all, they fell in love and married when they felt ready for it. They had given some hope to Madara, as he had started to date Hashirama because they were happy despite not being soulmates. But it was all gone now, wasn't it ?  
  
Madara didn't let his feelings take over his reason though. It had been hard not to think of Hashirama and how it was over and how he was the one who finished their relationship. He was pretty sure he could have taken his phone, called Hashirama and told him he had changed his mind and Hashirama would be right back beside him, hugging him and kissing him but he didn't. Madara knew it wasn't a solution and he knew he shouldn't think about it.  
  
So, to try and distract himself, he worked all day long. He wasn't especially late with his homework or his papers but he preferred to be early at all. This discipline had been hard to follow, at first, he had the bad habit of being easily distracted when he was younger, either by his surroundings or his thoughts. It was over now, even though Hashirama had been distracting him in quite several ways until now.  
  
Madara never imagined their break-up would be one of those distractions.  
  
It was only when evening came and the sun started to set that Madara left his desk and stretched, as much as he could. He was sore and tired and he should have napped in the afternoon but he still had one thing to do. So, Madara grabbed his wallet and his phone, he sent a text to Izuna to inform him that he was leaving and he departed from his home to Ashura's office. Madara wasn't even sure he could call it an office, as it was nothing like he had ever imagined, and nothing like his doctor's office but he had no better word to define it.  
  
The place was just as calm as the first time. A soft rain had started to fall, forcing Madara to hide under his hood but as he arrived in the big room, the one he showed up in the last time he came, he was almost immediately attracted toward the gardens. Some of the windows had been opened, to let the fresher air flow in but drops of water were running down the bays and dropping on the million of leaves of the garden was a hypnotizing ballet to him.  
  
And it was so relaxing.  
  
Noise behind his back distracted him, if just for a second but Madara didn't deem important to turn around, more interested with the scene, rather than what could be happening in the room, until a shadow appeared by his side. A tall shadow dressed in light coloured clothes, and hair. So much hair it could compete with his.  
  
The shadow stood beside him in silence, watching the drops the same way he did, until Madara took a better look at it, at the man by his side. The first thing Madara noticed, was his beautiful face. Then, he noticed the way the man was holding his hands in his back, how straight his back was without looking stiff. The man had poise and grace and he didn't even speak yet.  
  
“I am ..” Madara hesitated, not know what he should say. Was this man one of the patients ? Or one of the people in charge of this place, beside Ashura ? “I am here to see Ashura.”  
  
“Ashura isn't available tonight, he is taking care of the group.” the man's deep voice answered to him. “But I am willing to help you, if you are willing to open up.”  
  
Madara eyed the man cautiously. Now, that wasn't something that happened often but he was feeling almost intimidated by the stranger. There was something about him, something making him feel so tiny and insignificant and as much as Madara hated this feeling, he couldn't shrug it off either.  
  
“Are you Indra ?”  
  
It was the only thing he had been able to think about, remembering his brother's remarks about this place and, seeing the other's eyes twinkle with amusement, Madara smiled. He was correct, that man was Indra and he looked nothing like Ashura. He looked silent and introverted and Madara wondered why he chose this kind of work.  
  
“Shall we take this conversation to a quieter place ?”  
  
“As long as there's a view on the garden,” Madara agreed, not really thinking about his words but soon enough, they were in the same office as the last time, when Madara spoke with Ashura and Madara didn't sit, this time. He stood near the bay windows, mesmerized with the beauty of the place and he didn't utter a word. Not that he didn't want to talk but the view was distracting him from the reasons why he came here, despite the little voice, at the back of his head, whispering how he didn't walk all this way just to look at the garden.  
  
“There are two things you have to know about me,” Indra sighed, as he sat in one of the chairs with lassitude. “The first one is that I will not allow you to hide your mark during our conversations, so you have to take off the sleeve.”  
  
Indra marked a pause, Madara glanced at him, catching what seemed to be the difference between Indra and his brother. Ashura had asked him to remove the sleeve even if his tone had been demanding. Indra didn't ask, he purely ordered it and Madara obeyed, even if he wasn't sure he was comfortable with it in this situation.  
  
“Then .. My brother is a psychiatrist, a doctor and has an etiquette to follow. I am not and I wish you to be fully aware of it before we begin. I have no training in psychology, nor any degree in that discipline. And I will talk to you boldly and without holding back. If you aren't comfortable with this, you can wait for my brother to be free to see you.”  
  
Well, Madara thought, at least, it was clear. Indra wasn't going to go easy on him and he understood now, why Izuna said he'd be more compatible with him. He valued honesty, after all and straightforwardness. It was what attracted him to Hashirama, in the first place and Madara wondered to what point Indra would speak his mind.  
  
“I .. don't mind,” Madara shrugged, crossing his arms and turning his gaze away from the man.  
  
“Good.” Indra muttered. “Now, tell me why you decided to come tonight.”  
  
It took Madara all he had to turn away from the view, because he at least wanted to face the person he was talking to, as it was the polite thing to do and he glanced at Indra's judging eyes, cleared his throat.  
  
“Aren't you going to ask for my name, at least ?” Madara asked.  
  
“Irrelevant.”  
  
Madara snorted, he rolled his eyes but he took a big breath, to steady his heart and looked at Indra again.  
  
“I broke up with my boyfriend last night,” Madara started, his throat tight. “We had been together for years and planned on living together but .. He met with his soulmate.”  
  
“So ?” Indra asked, his dark eyes fixed on Madara.  
  
“I loved him. I still do. I .. I only ever wanted him but he had a date with her and he kissed her.” Madara whispered, feeling his heart bleed again. “He avoided me, so he didn't have to tell me a thing, he said it was hard for him, that he still loved me but .. I told him to go with her.”  
  
Silence answered to him at first, Madara looked up at Indra's eyes, wondering if he was going to say anything at all. His attitude didn't change, the look in his eyes either, he was sitting still, hands joined on his lap and looking so emotionless that Madara wondered if the man wasn't just a puppet or a doll of some sort. Until Indra raised an eyebrow.  
  
“So what's the problem ?”  
  
Madara gaped at him, wondering what he was supposed to say and he took a step forward.  
  
“I love Hashirama.” Madara whispered, almost offended with Indra's stoicism.  
  
“Yet you told him to go after his soulmate. You made your choice and you chose to be without him. Why then is it such a big deal ?”  
  
This time, Madara felt his anger bubble in his chest, he clenched his fists, his nails digging into his skin. “I .. I never wanted to .. I didn't choose to be without him ! He asked me what he was supposed to do and I told him to go after her.” he explained, hoping more details would enlighten Indra but that didn't seem to trigger any emotion in the other's look.  
  
“And he did what you told him to do. What did you expect ?” Indra questioned, his voice as low and equal.  
  
“I .. I ..” Madara stammered, blinking several times, at loss of words. “I didn't want to break up with him. I never did and I .. I would have been with him for the rest of my life if I could have.”  
  
“There is no supposition here,” Indra stated. “You literally could have been with him for the rest of your life. You said he asked you what he was supposed to do. And you gave him your answer, you told him to go after his soul-mate. Are you upset he actually listened to you ?”  
  
It took Madara all he had not to punch the man but then again, there was some truth in what he said. He had been so upset to learn about that date, to know Hashirama had met with Mito in secret and kissed her that he didn't even think of being egoist for one second and keeping Hashirama to himself. He could have had. Probably. Madara wasn't sure how Hashirama would have reacted to it, it was obvious Hashirama had been struck to the heart with Mito, if the kisses were any hint of it but he could have told Hashirama to break her heart instead. To push her away, to stay with him but he didn't.  
  
He had already given Hashirama a chance after all and Hashirama messed up again.  
  
Was he cruel to think like that ? Madara wondered. What state was Hashirama in, right now ? Was he mourning their relationship ? Was he crying all night long, weeping over memories ? He hadn't asked himself so until now and it felt so wrong, now, to have broken up with him, as if he had made a huge mistake.  
  
Slowly, because his legs felt weak now, Madara walked to the free seat, he sat down, rubbed his face with both his hands to hide the tears itching at his eyes. “Still,” Madara whispered, exhausted now. “He betrayed my trust, going on a date with her and kissing her.”  
  
“Don't be so melodramatic,” Indra said, rolling his eyes. “He loved you and I have no doubt he did. But he met with his soulmate. Whatever he might have said or done, he couldn't fight his attraction back. You didn't stand a chance against her.”  
  
Anger flashed inside him again, Madara looked up at Indra, gritting his teeth. “He said he wouldn't leave me. That he wanted to live with me, even after he met with her.”  
  
“He didn't know better.” Indra stated, his dark eyes fixed on Madara. “Isn't it better that it is over now, in a more or less civilized way, rather than in weeks or months of struggle from you and him, because all he'd have in mind would be his soulmate ? Imagine if your situation lasted, if you stayed with him longer, knowing he had kissed her ? Wouldn't you be suspicious he'd met with her again in your back ? Wouldn't you be jealous he might talk with her, each time his phone would buzz ?”  
  
Madara looked away, as he pondered Indra's words, but there was some truth here. He already had been there after all.  
  
“Maybe he could have done worse than kissing her ? What about sex ? Wouldn't you have thought of it, if he had showed up late to a date ? That he was fucking with her while you were waiting for him ?”  
  
“Is it what you think, then ?” Madara asked. “That we're better off now even if it hurts a little, rather than later in worse conditions ?”  
  
“Irrelevant,” Indra dismissed. “Your opinion is what matters, I am merely trying to have you thinking about it. How did you feel when you broke up ? Before you had the time to turn it over and over again in your head ?”  
  
“I was .. .. I was feeling so calm,” Madara admitted, stunned. “So calm. I wanted Hashirama to tell me the truth. To tell me what he had been doing. And I was annoyed because he was trying to avoid it but .. I .. I think I already knew that ..”  
  
“That the conversation was leading to a break up ?” Indra finished, tilting his head to the side. “Why are you so angry, then ?”  
  
“I don't know,” Madara whispered softly. “I just .. don't know.”  
  
“Well, I'd like you to think about something for me,” Indra suggested. “Isn't there a part of you that is actually happy for him ? Happy he found his soulmate, even if it not you ? Because you know that this person will make him the happiest he'll ever be ?”  
  
“I only even wanted him to be happy,” Madara whispered, eyes wide and locked on Indra's.  
  
“Even if it meant you wouldn't be the source of his happiness ?” Indra inquired and Madara nodded, lowering his eyes.  
  
It was the truth, after all. From the beginning, he had known he wasn't Hashirama's soulmate and that there was someone, out there, who'd make the man as happy as he could ever be. It had been hard, at first but with Hashirama repeating he didn't care, that they could be happy together, Madara had believed him, had believed he could make Hashirama the happiest. But he stopped reminding himself that Hashirama could meet with his soulmate, someday. His own mark hadn't stopped glowing in years, after all, without him ever meeting with his soulmate. It could have been the same with Hashirama.  
  
His parents had been together for more than twenty five years and they weren't soulmates, after all.  
  
“You already knew, Madara,” Indra whispered. “That the day Hashirama would meet with his soulmate, you wouldn't fight. Because you do believe in soulmates, you do believe in the mark on your wrist and you tried to hate it because you love Hashirama. But Hashirama wasn't your soulmate, despite how you probably wished he were.”  
  
Madara's throat tightened, he looked away as he was fighting back some tears now and he took in a ragged breath, gritted his teeth.  
  
“I told him I still wanted him in my life, but .. not yet,” Madara mumbled. “I .. I love him. I ..”  
  
“I know you do. But you'll probably meet your soulmate too and only then will you realize how he might have felt. Only then will you be able to forgive him.”  
  
Madara nodded, unable to talk now and he thanked the man, when Indra offered him a tissue, he dried his itching eyes as he was doing his best not to cry. It wasn't easy, he probably needed it the most now but he wasn't going to give in. It hurt, to think Hashirama was almost better off without him but they still could be friends, couldn't they ? They could work on that. When they'd both feel better.  
  
It took Madara some time to calm down, even more tired than before because of all the violent emotions he went through during the whole conversation and he glanced at his glowing mark, hoping it'd help him keep him grounded. Until realization hit him and he stared at Indra with wide eyes.  
  
“Wait,” Madara hissed with wide eyes. “You know my name !?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again ! And we'll have feels and cute today!
> 
> And some Tobirama too <3 Oh, the previous boy needs more love and we don't see him often enough in that fic, do we ? ;D
> 
> See you all on Sunday!

Indra had known who he was right from the beginning, the man had admitted.  
  
Because Ashura kept files about every person who ever showed up at this place, he had written down what they talked about, the first time he came, had reviewed his notes with his brother because that was how they worked. Indra had been recognized as a therapist so it would be legal for him to go through his brother's files on his patients but his experience came from different places. He had travelled a lot, curious about the marks' nature, curious about what other cultures thought of it, he had met with tons of people and written several books. He was more of an anthropologist, but his experience had always been helpful to his brother and Ashura had made sure they could work together.  
  
Years of practice and meeting with people had developed his empathy despite the cold demeanour he showed but some people liked his style. Some people preferred his ruthless logic and his bluntness.  
  
Madara realized he preferred it too. It might have triggered some anger flares but he was fine with them. Rage was an emotion he knew how to control.  
  
He'd ask to see Indra again, if he were to go back there.  
  
Indra had given him homework, just like Ashura did, when he asked him to take off his sleeve sometimes. It wasn't much but it wasn't going to be easy, Madara had immediately told himself when he heard about it. He was to send a message to Hashirama, when he'd feel ready for it. Indra had offered a confrontation at first but Madara didn't feel like it'd be the right thing to do. The possibility of running into Hashirama while walking around the campus already made him awkward and the lack of intimacy wouldn't help him talk about how he felt. So, he was to send a text, just to tell Hashirama how he felt about the break-up.  
  
At first, Madara had thought it wouldn't be that hard, because after his conversation with Indra, he had been able to push away most of his negative feelings, he had been able to think about what he eventually admitted to Indra, how he wanted Hashirama to be happy, even without him. It was the truth, it always had been the ultimate truth of his love for Hashirama, to make him happy, to make him smile and giggle and see his eyes light up as often as possible. But each time he was thinking about this, each time he wondered if Hashirama was happy with Mito, Madara couldn't help but think about them together and it irked him.  
  
However, a voice sounding much like Indra's, had told him that taking his time was fine. That he could wait until he was feeling more comfortable about the break up, that he could let himself get used to the idea of Hashirama and Mito together before he could send the text and that's exactly what he did.  
  
He waited, day after day, until the weirdness faded, until spotting Hashirama in the corridor of the campus didn't disturb much anymore and even if they still kind of avoided each other, it was fine. Hashirama probably needed this time too. Falling for Mito didn't mean it was easier for him, he too had loved his boyfriend for all these years, he too had loved Madara with all of his heart and Madara never doubted it.  
  
It took Madara a week and a half to find what he was going to say and, as he was sitting on top of his bed, ready to go to bed and hoping he wouldn't disturb Hashirama, Madara sighed, thumbs hovering his virtual keyboard, eyes lost and mind wandering around until words came to him.  
  
“ _I don't know how you feel, I don't know if you even want to read this text but I feel like I have to tell you this. My love for you is part of what made me break up. Because I was your boyfriend, for all of this time and I loved you but Mito is your soulmate. I was told that marks hold part of your soulmate's soul and it's been hard for me to think that I never was yours but I am glad you found her. I am glad you met with her. I hope she makes you happy and I hope you don't dwell too much on me. Please, Hashi, never doubt my love for you and be the happiest you can with her. This is all I ever wanted for you._ ”  
  
Madara hesitated a long time, before hitting the send button but he soon received the little notification to tell him the message had been delivered and Madara almost immediately turned off his phone. He wasn't sure he wanted to read Hashirama's possible answer right now, he wasn't sure he was ready for it and it'd allow him to spend a good night.  
  
It didn't, though. Madara spent all his night trashing in his bed, unable to fall asleep and he was exhausted when his alarm went off, so exhausted and he was feeling weak but he had come to the most logical conclusion : he had to read Hashirama's answer. So, without thinking much, he turned on his phone again and waited, eyes fixed on the screen, as it was loading but there was nothing. No message, no missed calls, nothing and Madara felt his heart clench at that.  
  
Was Hashirama mad at him ? Or unable to answer ? Maybe he had been with Mito, too busy fucking with her to answer to his message ? Madara threw his phone on his bed, he rubbed at his eyes and groaned. He made a mistake, didn't he ? He shouldn't have sent that message, he shouldn't have listened to Indra. As good as he might be, he didn't know Hashirama. Yet again, Madara couldn't picture Hashirama as being mad for too long. It didn't fit his character, it wasn't like him. But he'd accept his silence, if Hashirama was mad. He couldn't not understand. Hashirama had all the reasons to be mad at him, after all, he probably expected anything but a break-up.  
  
Izuna was walking beside him, looking almost worried, as they were heading toward the campus and Madara kept his head low. He wasn't sure what to say, wasn't sure what to do either, there was so much uncertainty in his life that he felt like a mess now.  
  
“Madara ..” Izuna called out softly. “Are you okay ?”  
  
“I sent Hashirama a text. He didn't answer.” Madara admitted with a sigh. “Indra told me to do it.”  
  
Izuna grabbed his brother's wrist, to try and sooth him and offered him a soft smile. “Give him time. It's hard for him too.”  
  
Izuna was right, Madara pondered. It was still early, they had broken up not even two weeks ago and he probably was overthinking the whole thing. Nothing was telling him that Hashirama was just ignoring him. Maybe his text had the man break down last night ? What if Tobirama came after him to punch him in the face because of it ?  
  
However, as they arrived not far from the gates, Madara's mind went blank. Because Hashirama was there, his shoulder against the street light and Madara first thought of turning around before the man noticed him but it was already too late. Hashirama turned his eyes to him, trapped him in his gaze and Madara stopped walking, he slipped his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do and he waited.  
  
“Good luck,” Izuna wished him, as he didn't stop and his brother walked passed Hashirama with that smile of his, then disappeared in the main building.  
  
It took Madara all he had to walk the last steps to Hashirama, as Hashirama didn't seem willing to move and he stopped in front of the man, his heart to his throat, feeling like he could just turn around and run away. He really wanted to but he didn't. Because, facing him, stood the man he still was in love with and he couldn't hurt him this way.  
  
Hashirama looked .. bland. He who always had a smile in his eyes, who always was such an extrovert, always happy to meet with people, always easy to speak with, looked as if he hadn't slept in days, as if he was sick and Madara hated it. It was his fault, wasn't it ? His fault if Hashirama was in such a state, his fault if his ex-boyfriend looked almost sick and Madara bit his lip, lowered his head and shifted.  
  
However, before he could tell Hashirama how sorry he was, Hashirama's fingers touched his shoulder. Hashirama pushed himself from the light, he stepped closer and hugged him without a second thought, without uttering a word and Madara realized he had needed that, even if he hadn't been aware of it. And he hugged back, as hard as he could because this was Hashirama, this was the man he loved so much and it hurt, even if it was the right thing to do. It hurt to think they wouldn't share all these little things anymore and Madara cried, this time. Hidden against Hashirama's shoulder, where no one could see him but he did and it felt good, and liberating.  
  
They probably stayed there for an hour, hugging each other in the middle of the pavement, not caring for people around them. Madara was shivering, each time Hashirama was running his hand through his hair and Hashirama was at nuzzling his hair each time Madara's fingers clenched on his clothes. And it felt good. It felt really good.  
  
When they parted, when they dared to look at each other's eyes, they couldn't help but laugh. They both were a mess now but Madara was satisfied to see Hashirama smile again, satisfied to see the red on his cheeks and the stars in his eyes and they decided, without talking, to walk to the nearest bench, sit together, holding hands. Out of habit, or because they both needed it but Madara didn't wish to let go anyways.  
  
“I .. couldn't answer to your text,” Hashirama admitted almost immediately. “I needed to see you but .. I wasn't sure I could show up in the middle of the night.”  
  
“You always are welcome ..” Madara smiled, rolling his eyes.  
  
“You said you needed time,” Hashirama reminded the other. “I didn't know how much though.”  
  
Madara glanced at their hands, at Hashirama's glowing mark, knowing his own had a similar glow, even now and he pulled his hair back, forced a smile.  
  
“How .. How have you been ?” he asked, even though he probably was going to regret it. But Hashirama's face lit up, his smile widened.  
  
“Better, with your text,” he said, almost beaming. “I was scared you might hate me for years but .. well ..”  
  
Hashirama didn't need to finish, Madara already knew what he wanted to say now. He was touched. He probably cried when he read the text. Madara knew the man too much, he was aware of how sensitive Hashirama could be. All his emotions always had been so raw, it had been part of why Madara loved him so much, even if it annoyed him, sometimes. Hashirama was like an open book, so easy to read, unable to properly lie and even now, Madara could effortlessly decipher Hashirama's expression.  
  
All his guilt had vanished, thanks to this text. And he looked happy they were back on good terms. He was happy.  
  
“I .. I don't hate you,” Madara admitted, sighing through the nose. “I never did and never will. I was just .. so upset and angry but ..” he then shrugged, at loss of words and Hashirama didn't seem to mind. On the contrary, he shifted closer, threw his arm around Madara's shoulders to side-hug him, he kissed the top of his head and Madara closed his eyes, as calmness flooded him again. Because he was right where he needed to be, near the man he had considered his closest friend, since all this time. Izuna always had his own category, as they were brothers but Hashirama ? Hashirama had been his best friend and his boyfriend and even if he wasn't the latter anymore, the former remained true.  
  
“If .. you must know,” Hashirama then started carefully, “Mito and I decided to take things slow. Because I still have feelings for you and we don't want to be forced together by our marks. So I'll take her to some dates, we'll .. we'll just .. see what happens.”  
  
Madara pinched his lips, as images of them together flooded his mind again but he breathed out through the nose, closed his eyes for a second to force them away and he smiled.  
  
“Have you .. seen her, since .. ?” he asked, wondering if it was a good thing to actually speak about it.  
  
“Twice,” Hashirama nodded. “But we don't have to talk about her, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.”  
  
Madara looked up at the other man, he looked at him in the eyes, serious but still so calm about the whole situation and Hashirama shot him a worried look, he ran his fingers through his hair, as if he wanted to sooth him.  
  
“I am .. sorry if I hurt you,” Madara apologized with honesty. “I was mad you were avoiding me and not having the decency to face me and tell me the truth ..”  
  
“Yeah, I was stupid” Hashirama laughed, turning his embarrassed gaze away. “But I had promised to stay with you and one look from her had me .. so upside down.”  
  
It took a moment for Madara to answer, as he was seeing Hashirama's guilt again but he eventually shrugged, reminding himself of Indra's words. “I didn't stand a chance,” he muttered and it felt strangely true on this moment. “She's beautiful and she might give you some proper fashion sense.”  
  
Hashirama couldn't help but laugh at that, he scratched the back of his neck with a huge grin and Madara shook his head. “I'm serious here, Hashi. You'll have to stop wearing those ugly sweaters if you are to be out with her, or she'll be ashamed of you.”  
  
“What ? But you love them !” Hashirama whined, a teasing tone in his voice. “You even bought me some of them !”  
  
“Because I knew it was going to make you happy !” Madara counter-attacked. “But a grown man with kittens on his sweater isn't cute, it's weird ..”  
  
“But you always loved my weirdness ..”  
  
“I still do,” Madara pointed out and it made Hashirama genuinely smile. “You are my best friend, even if you're a pain sometimes. I can't get rid of you any more.”  
  
“That you can't!” Hashirama teased, kissing Madara's temple. “You're stuck with me until the end of times !”  
  
They laughed, hard, and just like that, they were back to what they always had been, minus the kisses and the sex. But it was good, Madara told himself as he headed to class after he accepted Hashirama's invitation to the restaurant for tonight. He had been so scared of losing Hashirama that he hadn't imagined being able to stay friends so simply. He had wished he could, wished they could get over the break up and still be close but Madara never thought it'd be so easily.  
  
And it might hurt, sometimes, when he'd feel lonely or jealous, it might be uncomfortable because he knew he was going to have to see Hashirama with Mito, eventually and he really didn't wish to for now but time was going to help, wasn't it ?  
  
At least, Madara hoped so.

* * *

Exams were coming and Madara couldn't ignore how stressed he was with it all. Concentrating on his lessons wasn't easy, because he kept asking himself if he shouldn't just have pause, for one or two days. He was feeling like his brain was burning, overwhelmed with it all and he was in a constant exhausted state, sleep deprived and absolutely irritated. It wasn't doing so much good with his lessons because he was getting more and more annoyed with it, with how he wasn't able to remember anything at all and it took him Izuna's intervention to eventually accept the fact that he was human and that his body needed rest.  
  
Izuna had been worried, that was for sure. But Izuna was always worried and Madara kept telling him he had to concentrate on his own things, that he could take care of himself.  
  
Izuna was having none of this.  
  
So, tonight was their night off, for the two of them and Izuna had decided to take his brother to a “small party one of his friend was throwing”.  
  
Said small party wasn't as small as Izuna said and Madara almost smacked his brother behind his head but Izuna soon was out of his reach, snickering like the damned goblin he was.  
  
Madara usually wasn't fond of parties. Mostly because ha had other things to do, he had to work for his classes, for his projects and he had no idea how Izuna was able to work, be that good and have a proper social life. It always was a wonder to hear about Izuna's grades when Madara knew each time his brother was out but he had stopped asking himself questions. Izuna was a genius of his own sort and questioning his skills led to nothing.  
  
The music was loud, in the small fraternity house, Madara probably glared at the speakers more than once but he had to admit Izuna had a good idea with this. Not that he was going to dance or even meddle too much but a bit of alcohol and a nice spot to relax would do him good, it would help him take his mind off of the finals even if just for the night and it was all he was asking for.  
  
Most of the people around seemed to be of Izuna's age, not that it bothered Madara too much. It looked like they all knew each other, or was it really how the young acted now, so carefree, so relaxed, even with strangers ? Madara ignored most of them as he found his way to the kitchen, to grab himself a fresh beer and he drank two or three mouthfuls before he noticed a familiar patch of grey hair, not far from him, surrounded with a small group of people.  
  
“Tobirama ?” Madara called out over the noise.  
  
Said man looked around with a frown, looking for the source of the call, until his eyes settled on Madara and the corners of his lips twitched up, he walked to him, ignoring the people he had been talking with, glanced at the beer. Tobirama seemed to be drinking something else, Madara noticed as he glanced at his cup. And it was surprising to see the man here, as he always seemed so serious about College but then he remembered his first night at Hashirama's place, how Tobirama came back drunk in the middle of the night and how he almost killed one of Hashirama's bamboos.  
  
Tobirama didn't seem drunk, yet, but Madara sure wasn't going to miss that again. It was funny to see a man such as Tobirama under the influence of alcohol and he hoped to see it again.  
  
“Hi.” Tobirama greeted him with a kind smile. “I didn't know you were coming.”  
  
“My brother dragged me here,” Madara answered, rolling his eyes. “He said my brain was going to melt if I kept working so much.”  
  
“I didn't hear that.” Tobirama then stated, nodding at the close speaker. “Come with me, I know a place.”  
  
Without skipping a beat, Tobirama grabbed a plastic bag, filled it with beer cans and signed at Madara to follow him. They left the house together through the back door, Madara letting the other man lead him with relief as they were walking away from all that noise, thankful for his ears and his brain too. Tobirama seemed to know the place quite well, as he was taking him through a messy garden and they stopped under a big oak, Tobirama sat there in the grass while Madara used the trunk as a backrest and he sighed in happiness.  
  
“So, what did your brother say ?” Tobirama asked again and Madara smiled.  
  
“He said my brain was going to melt,” Madara repeated with a groan. “He probably was right though.”  
  
“Hashirama doesn't stop working either,” Tobirama pointed out, rolling his eyes. “But tonight, he's .. busy with ..”  
  
But the man halted his flow of words abruptly, as he was probably going to speak about Mito. Madara was staring at him, amused with how his cheeks seemed to burn in embarrassment but he shrugged, swallowed some beer.  
  
“With Mito ?” he finished, with a chuckle. “It's fine. Hashi and I are fine.”  
  
“I'm sorry you .. you had to break-up with him.” Tobirama then apologized.  
  
“Why ?” Madara inquired. “It's better this way.”  
  
“You think so ?” Tobirama questioned, looking like he didn't believe his words. But Madara only nodded. His reasons were his only after all, he didn't have to speak about them with Tobirama. Even if they already spoke of more intimate matters in the past, even if they had one weird relationship. As if the fact that Madara had been Hashirama's boyfriend almost forced them to get along. Not that Madara minded. Tobirama was nice, he had his priority straight and he was honest.  
  
He didn't mind spending the whole evening with him either, if it meant getting away from the actual party. And Tobirama had brought beers with them.  
  
Madara sighed, as he relaxed against the trunk, feeling as if he almost was at home and he looked up at the sky.  
  
“He's happy, isn't he ?”  
  
Tobirama didn't answer just yet. For a moment, he looked at him, as if he was pondering his words, as if he was trying to find the best way to answer but he eventually settled with the truth, it seemed.  
  
“He was miserable for a time,” Tobirama declared. “One big diva and he couldn't stop complaining how he messed everything up and how he hated himself. Typical Hashirama.” he rolled his eyes and Madara laughed at that. “But I reminded him how you said you still wanted him as your friend. I had to tell him over and over. And your text helped a lot too. He's back to his normal state now.”  
  
“Good,” Madara whispered with a smile. “Thank you.”  
  
Madara then finished his can, his heart lighter and feeling like a boulder had been lifted off his shoulders. He hadn't really doubted Hashirama's words but hearing Tobirama confirm all he said was reassuring.  
  
There was a silence, as the two of them relaxed a little. Madara enjoyed Tobirama's presence and he liked how calm he was. It was a wonder how Tobirama was Hashirama's brother, as they were so different from each other but two Hashiramas would have meant chaos, probably. Madara already pitied their mother, as she probably had a hard time raising her first born son but if there had been two of them ? She probably would have given up quickly. Or hired a nanny.  
  
“Will you leave ?” Tobirama asked, after what seemed to be several seconds of struggle. “After you graduate, I mean. Hashirama plans on staying there but .. Well, since you're not together anymore ..”  
  
“I don't know yet,” Madara answered truthfully. “I never imagined leaving, especially after I started dating Hashi but I haven't really thought about it yet. Didn't have the time.”  
  
“But your mark still glows, doesn't it ? It means your soulmate is close by.” Tobirama pointed out. “Won't you go after them, now you and Hashirama are over ?”  
  
Madara blinked, surprised with the question and he stared at Tobirama's eyes but Tobirama didn't show any embarrassment about it. Still, it was a question he had avoided to ask himself until now, because the break up was still so fresh, because it felt like it was too soon to even think of dating anyone else. And Madara didn't know if he was ready to meet with his soulmate, ready for such a big thing, especially now he saw up close what it'd mean. Hashirama had been attracted to Mito without being able to step back and think of his situation. Madara didn't want his mark to control his life.  
  
Then again, even if he met with his soulmate, it didn't mean they had to get together on the exact spot of their meeting, did it ? Hashirama and Mito were taking their time and Madara supposed it was the best thing to do. Take their time, have dates, go out together without much expectation and see where it'd lead them.  
  
Also, the itch had almost disappeared by now. It was barely annoying, Madara didn't feel it most of the time and it was good. Especially with his current situation. He didn't know what he had done if it had started to itch like a mad man again now he was single, he probably would have gone crazy with it, thinking how the stupid mark was pushing him to his soulmate.  
  
“Well, I don't have time for my soulmate for now,” Madara joked and it made Tobirama laugh. “Finals are important and I can't mess them up. Once I'm done with them, my soulmate can show up at home for all I care but not a day before !”  
  
“When are you done ?” Tobirama inquired in a curious tone.  
  
“A month from now if you count the oral presentations.” Madara said, rolling his eyes but he smiled when Tobirama offered him another can. “My brain will probably melt before this time though.”  
  
“Hopefully not,” Tobirama commented.  
  
The conversations, after that, became a little lighter. They didn't speak about soulmates or Hashirama or Mito again. They spoke about the future, about what kind of job they wanted, about what they liked, what they wanted to do during the summer holidays.  
  
Madara learned a lot of things about Tobirama. More in a night than ever since he first met with him. Tobirama's dream job was to become a teacher for little kids. He had talked about it with such passion and such enthusiasm Madara never imagined he had and it was a great surprise to him. He had never thought Tobirama would want to become a teacher, it didn't seem to fit his character but then again, they didn't interact much until this night. Madara kind of regretted it now, as he was enjoying Tobirama's presence more and more.  
  
During the holidays, Tobirama didn't know what he was going to do. He had wanted to stay around, but apparently, his parents weren't going to be able to help them with their little flat for that time and he currently was looking for a summer job to pay the rent. Hashirama was doing the same, Tobirama confessed and Madara wondered why Hashirama never spoke about it. He knew their parents weren't rich, they didn't have much money but Hashirama didn't like to speak about them. Madara had never met with them, after all and they never came here either, it was always Hashirama or Tobirama that went back to their home town to visit.  
  
And as they spoke, they became more and more intoxicated, the two of them. They had finished their bag of beers quicker than expected and they went on a mission together back in the house to gather some more. They really weren't discreet, as they kept bumping into people and into things but they went unnoticed since nobody here seemed quite sober either and they snatched what they needed, Madara noticed how his brother was making out with a cute girl in the living room, apparently quite skilled at that and they found their tree again.  
  
Almost immediately, Madara opened a new can, drank half of it and he couldn't stop smiling now he had seen Izuna with a girl. It was the first time he had seen his baby brother with someone, male or female and he was feeling strangely proud of him. The girl had been really cute, after all and Izuna never told him about his love life much. He kept saying how he really didn't have one but tonight's discovery proved otherwise.  
  
His conversation with Tobirama continued, after that, they spoke about the most random subjects, feeling free from social politeness and obligations.  
  
Maybe they could become friends ? Proper friends ? Madara would like that. He had been worried that he wouldn't be able to talk with the man much after his break-up with Hashirama but it seemed that Tobirama was comfortable with the whole situation and Madara didn't need more of a proof that it was a good thing for them to be friends.  
  
They did exchange numbers, at some point of the night, Tobirama saying how they should do this more often and Madara promised him at least one party together after he was done with all of his exams.  
  
As the party was fading in the distance, Tobirama and Madara decided it was time for them to head home. Walking wasn't the easiest thing to do now, as they both had quite their amount of alcohol and it probably didn't help that they were both tired but they managed to reach the house without a problem and almost immediately, Madara looked for his brother in the crowd, to tell him he was heading home.  
  
Izuna seemed just as busy as before, hands sneaked under the girl's clothes but he did glance at his brother when Madara called out for him and waved at him something that probably meant that he was fine. Madara merely rolled his eyes, amused with how comfortable his brother was and he sat on the pavement next to Tobirama, curious with the other's fumbling at his phone.  
  
“The hell are you doing ?”  
  
Tobirama glanced at him, with a frown. “Telling a friend to come pick me up,” he stated as if it was obvious. “How are you going back ?”  
  
Madara looked around, he sighed, feeling as if he was miles away from home and he shrugged. “Izuna said he'd call a taxi but he looked busy so .. I'll call one I guess ?”  
  
Tobirama nodded, concentrated on his phone and they waited in silence, enjoying the fresh breeze of the night until a car stopped in front of them and a blond guy left the car, approached Tobirama to help him stand again.  
  
“I swear, Tobs, you gotta stop doing this ..” the blond guy groaned but he still was smiling and Tobirama leaned against him heavily, apparently happy to have such support.  
  
“Wait, Mina .. Can you drop my friend too ?”  
  
The blond guy's name was Minato and Madara could swear this guy was an absolute cinnamon roll, as he dropped him right in front of his gate and even gave him advices for his incoming headache and soreness. Such a pure soul and Madara thanked him for at least one full minute, under Tobirama's amused expression before he let them leave and went to crash on his bed, drunk, tired, but he hadn't felt this relaxed in too much time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but brother moments!
> 
> We're approaching to the fic's ending ! There will be a time skip between this chapter and the next !
> 
> So many comments again, I love you all!

“Now, who was that guy you disappeared with ?”  
  
It had been a whole day of unending pain and headaches like he never had before and Madara had spent it all in bed, feeling like he was dying. He really wasn't used to drink that much alcohol, especially since he started College. He didn't have the time for it, after all, only his lessons mattered and he did drink one glass or two on occasions with Hashirama.  
  
Not that many cans and especially not on such a short amount of time.  
  
Izuna, on the other side and sitting on his bed, looked fresh. Fresher than ever and Madara couldn't help but ask himself if his baby brother even drank at all the previous night. Or maybe he had one hell of a secret cure to hangover but it wasn't fair if he didn't share it with him.  
  
Izuna made the bed bounce, as he moved closer, Madara groaned, turning his head away and feeling like his head might implode but he sighed. “Hashi's brother.”  
  
“And what did the two of you do together ?”  
  
Now, Izuna's tone was being more teasing than curious and Madara shook his head, he growled as it hurt to move that much and he placed his hand on his forehead to try and steady himself. Was Izuna implying that .. something happened between he and Tobirama ? Knowing he was Hashirama’s brother ?  
  
“Talk. And drink beer.” Madara stated, glancing at his brother. “Tobi's nice. He even asked his friend to drop me here when we left.”  
  
“He's cute,” Izuna mused, with that sneaky smile of his.  
  
“What about you ?” Madara counter-attacked before Izuna could say anything stupid. “Who was that girl ? I didn't know you had a girlfriend.”  
  
“Ah, that ..” Izuna laughed, rolling his eyes and moving closer. “I don't have a girlfriend,” he explained. “I met her there, we flirted and we hooked-up. I don't go for girlfriends, I don't have time for them.”  
  
Madara gaped at his baby brother, asking himself when did he grow up that much and started to act like an adult. Not that he didn't know that Izuna wasn't a child anymore, he really wasn't and probably had a sex-life way before Madara even questioned himself about his brother's interests in others. But it was the first time they were talking about it, the first time they spoke about that subject so naturally and it seemed to be quite clear for Izuna too, when he said he didn't want a girlfriend.  
  
“So, you do that often ?” Madara questioned. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know but .. It wasn’t often they spoke about Izuna’s personal life after all and it was a shame because Madara sometimes felt like he didn’t know his little brother well enough. Izuna had been nothing but helping him for all these years, with the mark mostly, going out of his way to find solutions for him, missing school to stay around and hold him and just make him feel better in a more general way and Madara knew he’d do the same and more, for Izuna, but .. he didn’t even know a thing about Izuna’s romantic life. He didn't know who his friends were but this wasn't quite his fault, as Izuna never brought anyone home and preferred to hang out with them in town rather than at home. He didn't know about Izuna's antics concerning girls either, but then again, he had rarely seen Izuna with a girl at all.  
  
And Madara reminded himself how Izuna always had been there because of his mark, because of his breakdowns and how Izuna never left his side, even after he had told him he was fine. How many times did Izuna help him, asking nothing in return ? How many times did Izuna ask for his help ? Madara couldn't remember one time he did. Did it mean he was a bad older brother ? Did it mean he should have seen when Izuna didn't feel so good and such ?  
  
Izuna always looked fine, after all, he always looked as if life was easy to him.  
  
“Yeah,” Izuna nodded, looking so innocent despite the subject. “Often when I'm out and I have some friends I fuck with on a regular basis.”  
  
This time, Madara sighed and rolled on his back. He hadn’t expected something like this but then again, it was alright, now, if they could have this kind of conversations. It wasn’t awkward, or uncomfortable. It was .. brotherly and Madara wanted nothing more but to pull Izuna into a hug, just because he could.  
  
“You never told me all this,” Madara whispered, pushing on his hands so he could sit, despite how wobbly the whole world was around him. Maybe a hug was too much for now.  
  
“You never asked,” Izuna shrugged in a natural tone and without resentment. “I don't mind telling you if you wanna know details, I just always thought you preferred not to know.”  
  
“I ..” Madara trailed, uncertain. “It is not that I want to know it all, just .. the important bits.”  
  
“Well,” Izuna laughed, shifting closer. “Who I fuck with isn't important to me at the moment. It's just sex for the sake of it, it allows me to relax when I need it.”  
  
“Then what's important to you ?”  
  
Izuna's smile seemed to widen, as he heard his brother's question and Madara didn't resist longer before he side-hugged his brother, despite the pain, running his fingers through his shorter bangs, Izuna almost purring under his touch. It was weird how they had been so close when they were kids and now they barely had the time to speak but they could do better than that, couldn't they ? Madara wouldn't like seeing his brother become a stranger to him.  
  
“You are important,” Izuna muttered. “More than anything else and I feared so much I'd lose you when your mark was making you go crazy.”  
  
Madara kissed the top of his brother's head, words stuck in his throat and Izuna beamed up at him.  
  
“But you are fine now, aren't you ?”  
  
Madara nodded, “I am.”  
  
“It's weird to see you act like a friend with Hashirama but you both seem so comfortable with it.” Izuna commented. “And it's so strange to know you two aren't together anymore. I was so used to see the two of you hold hands and kiss.”  
  
Madara's heart sank a little at that, because he missed it, even if he knew it was for the best, he missed Hashirama this way, missed his kisses and his warm, loving smiles and the way his eyes sparkled when he was looking at him. But he wasn't going to go back on his word, not after his last conversation with Hashirama. He had come to terms with it all, even if it'd take him time to get used to the break-up, because he still loved the man. But he could do it. For Hashirama's sake, to allow him to live his big love story with his soulmate and maybe, one day, he'd meet with his own and he'd think how Indra had been right about it all.  
  
“People even came to ask me if it was true that you two broke up,” Izuna pointed out and Madara's eyes widened a little.  
  
“What ?” Madara gasped. “People did that ?”  
  
“Yeah,” Izuna nodded with a sorry smile. “Got five people asking me so far because you and Hashirama weren't seen together anymore. They looked so surprised !”  
  
Madara blinked, but almost immediately grabbed his phone to tell Hashirama, because it was both weird and funny. He had never known anyone cared that much about them, or was it because they never really hid their relationship ? It had been known they were together because he and Hashirama were always close when they could, holding hands and kissing discreetly between classes. Madara was never much into public displays of affection and those were his limits. He'd never kiss anyone passionately in the middle of a corridor or the street.  
  
Hashirama's answer came quickly and Madara chuckled. “Don't you know ? We were one of the most popular couple on the campus. I'm with Mito, she says 'Hi!'”. Seeing Izuna's curious gaze, Madara showed him the text and Izuna pursed his lips, and he tried to hold back but he gave in after a couple of seconds.  
  
“What does she looks like ?” he asked his brother, eyeing him to make sure Madara was comfortable with the question.  
  
“She's beautiful,” Madara answered almost immediately and he sent another text to Hashirama asking for a picture of the woman to show his little brother. “She really is.”  
  
The picture arrived quickly and Mito looked amazing tonight. Just as the first time he saw her, she was stunning and Madara stared at the picture longer than he probably realized. She had rolled her amazing hair into buns on each side of her head, her make-up seemed quite light, except her dark mat lipstick. Her blue eyes were mesmerizing and the slight blush on her cheeks was adorable. Yes, Madara could repeat it over and over again. She was a beautiful woman.  
  
And from the surrounding on the picture, they were in a small restaurant, probably one of the dates Hashirama spoke about and Madara wondered if he had bothered them.  
  
“What !” Izuna shouted as he grabbed his brother's phone, eyes wide and staring at the picture. “How could Hashirama end up with a girl like that ? How did he even .. attract her ? He's the gayest bisexual I know !”  
  
Madara laughed, because Izuna wasn't wrong. He had never seen Hashirama dating a girl before and from what Hashirama had said, he actually dated one or two girls only before they met, saying how it never worked out because they couldn't handle his personality and he never knew how to act around them. But Mito was a beauty and Madara almost wanted to see the two of them together. Not now, he wasn't sure he was ready for this but one day, when he'd feel better.  
  
“Told you,” Madara said in a know-it-all tone. “But soulmates make things go well sometimes, don't they ?”  
  
“Damn, I hope mine's at least twice as beautiful,” Izuna muttered with a pout.  
  
Madara couldn't help but laugh at that, he nodded as he was petting his brother's hair to try and sooth him and, one handed, he told Hashirama how Mito looked really nice tonight, that Izuna said he was lucky and to tell Mito he wished her to have some fun tonight. Then, he settled his phone to the side, concentrating on Izuna again and he winced when the drum started playing in his head again.  
  
“You want some aspirin ?” Izuna inquired but Madara shook his head (which was a bad idea) and he settled more comfortably in his bed, his back against the headboard.  
  
“I'm warning you though. Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I go back at reviewing my lessons. And you won't stop me this time !”  
  
Izuna merely snickered, proud of himself and of having seen his brother relax for one night at least but he spent the rest of the evening with Madara, talking about what they could do during the holidays. Theirs parents had offered them to buy plane tickets and hotel rooms somewhere near so they both could relax, go to the beach, saying how they deserved it. Because Madara was going to ace his finals, they had no doubt about that and Izuna was working good for his own lessons, and they were proud of them.  
  
Madara wondered if they didn't want to help him take his head off of things with that. He wondered if they hadn't thought of this because of his break-up with Hashirama. They loved Hashirama, after all. They were going to miss the man, that was for sure and Madara knew it was going to take time for them too.  
  
He knew all too well how much they had adored him, especially when Madara's mark had been acting up and Hashirama was always there, helping their son and spending time with him. Always and without failure when they worked too much to give their elder son the support he needed and they loved him for that.  
  
Maybe he could do that, Madara pondered, as Izuna left his room to go and sleep. Maybe he could spend some time away with his little brother and enjoy a dozen of days in a nice hotel, drinking cocktails (without alcohol, Madara decided he was never going to drink ever again), going to the beach, seeing his brother's smile. He could do that.  
  
Madara probably deserved it anyways, after such a year and breaking up with the man he loved.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I won't say much about that chapter because .. Well ..
> 
> Two more chapters only, after this !

Finals arrived and with them, all the stress and the anxiety of his exams. Madara was on his nerves, completely under mental pressure and he couldn't fail them, he couldn't allow himself to fail and that probably was why he was so irascible. It wasn't good, as he snapped several times at Izuna for making too much noise when he was trying to concentrate on his lessons, or as he was actually glaring all days long at anyone stupid enough to look at him but what gave it away the most was the dark aura following him everywhere.  
  
Madara wasn't to be bothered during all of this and people quickly understood this.  
  
One thing Madara had to admit, about his exams, was that they seemed easier than what he prepared himself for. Each time he left one of them, he was feeling a little stunned with the questions, wondering if he was living in a dream, or actually dreaming it all, because he had an easy time finishing them. And for a moment, he wondered if he didn't just fail them all but it wouldn't be like him, would it ? Not that he was a genius, Izuna was the genius of the family but he never was considered stupid either.  
  
But with time and how off of other things his mind was, Madara started to realize that his painful, negative feelings about his break-up with Hashirama had started to fade. He wasn't comfortable with the awareness at first, as he didn't want to get over it so quickly, because Hashirama had meant so much to him but seeing the man every day, seeing his smile and how they did good as friends felt enough. As if he never really asked for more than that, to see his best friend happy and healthy in a relationship and Madara did enjoy his new perception about the whole situation. He felt at peace with it and it was all he ever wanted since the break-up. To feel good for Hashirama and about himself too.  
  
The last of his oral exams happened without a problem, Madara couldn't help but wonder if he had been as good with this one as it had been harder than anything before but he rolled with it. He couldn't go back in time, he couldn't change it, now it happened and he was now waiting for his grades, to see if he passed his degree or if he failed but this part wasn't the most stressful. If he didn't, he'd just have to take the lessons again next year, it wouldn't be that bad.  
  
His exhaustion caught him up quicker than he had expected but Izuna was in his room, on that night. They had planned to go through different travel agencies, to try and decide where they were going to go together, for a two weeks trip and they couldn't settle on one thing only. They had written down a whole list of the many places they wanted to visit, of the many countries they were interested in and it was one hell of a list. Way too long for now and Izuna was plopped down on his bed, reading it over and over again, speaking to himself as he was evoking the nice places they'd be able to see if they chose this or that place while Madara was on his computer, looking at pictures, hoping one of them would help him decide.  
  
It really wasn't easy, as their parents told them they could go anywhere and only gave them a limit in the amount of money they'd be allowed to spend for the plane tickets and during their trip. Madara was a little uncomfortable with this but it was going to be their first holidays together as brothers and without their parents and he wanted to take Izuna to a really nice place. His brother did work a lot too and he deserved to rest just like him.  
  
The whole evening had been calm and relaxing. Their parents were out for some romantic dinner together, as they enjoyed to do once in a while and it allowed them to appreciate the comfort of the house and how silent it was. But, the house's bell ran, Madara looked up with a frown and Izuna sat up. “Must be the pizzas I ordered,” the younger man said with a sigh. “I'll go grab them.”  
  
Madara nodded, he watched his brother go and focused on the article he was reading again, wondering if the island it was speaking about wouldn't be nice. It wasn't far from here, but it meant less time on a plane, the hotels looked amazing and there were many things to do. Also, the wildlife park would please Izuna to no end and Madara would enjoy that a lot too.  
  
“Mada ?” His brother's voice forced him out of his reading and Madara looked up with a frown, blinked as he recognized Tobirama next to Izuna. “You've got a visitor.”  
  
Surprised, because Tobirama didn't said he'd come, Madara set his computer aside to stand up and he was about to welcome the man in his room when Tobirama glanced back at Izuna and forced an embarrassed smile. “May I speak with Madara alone for a moment ?”  
  
Izuna looked at the two of them in turns, until a sneaky smile appeared on his lips but he merely nodded, pushed Tobirama inside the bedroom and closed the door without a word. Madara rolled his eyes because of his brother's manners but he soon concentrated on Tobirama, wondering what he was doing there. Was it about Hashirama ? About him and Mito ? Should he be worried for the big dork ?  
  
Tobirama walked to the bed, clearly uncomfortable. He didn't even dare to look up at the room's owner, soft shades of red on his cheeks but he cleared his throat, forced a smile.  
  
“Sorry to show up without telling you,” Tobirama whispered and Madara shrugged. He didn't mind. He had been used to it with Hashirama anyways and he liked Tobirama enough to allow him such a behaviour.  
  
“Are you fine ?” Madara still asked, as Tobirama really acted weird. It wasn't like him to look so embarrassed and uncomfortable. He never had been, since the day they properly met and Madara wondered what was up with him. “Is there a problem with Hashirama ?”  
  
“All is fine with Hashirama,” Tobirama immediately answered and Madara felt a little better. “There's .. something I wanted to talk about with you.”  
  
Madara nodded, wondering if Tobirama couldn't have just texted him. They had texted each other during the last month. Most of the time, Tobirama was wishing him good luck with his finals and Madara thanked him for it. They didn't have serious conversations either, they exchanged some info about this or that lesson, Tobirama asked his notes on one of the classes he was going to take next years to start studying them now and Madara had provided them happily.  
  
“Listen,” Tobirama sighed after a moment of awkward silence. “I don't know how to tell you this and it can never be the right time after what happened between you and Hashirama but I want to be honest with you.”  
  
There was a silence, as Madara thought Tobirama was going to speak immediately but he didn't. He stood there, stiff and awkward but Madara smiled, patted the man's shoulder to try and help him relax. It didn't help, as Tobirama looked way more uncomfortable than before but he did sit on the edge of the bed when Madara led him to it, right beside him and Madara didn't take his hand off of the other's arm, hoping it'd help.  
  
“Just go for it,” Madara offered with a reassuring smile.  
  
“We're soulmates.”  
  
Tobirama's murmur stunned him. For a moment, Madara thought he didn't understand well, as Tobirama had spoken really quickly and without looking at him. “Wha-what ?” Madara muttered, his throat tightening and eyes wide.  
  
“We are soulmates,” Tobirama repeated, slowly.  
  
This time, Madara was quite sure of what he had just been told. There was no error, Tobirama had just told him they were soulmates and it didn't even look like he was joking. Well, it'd be quite a sick joke to come all the way here, to tell him they were soulmates, wouldn't it ? Tobirama's straight face was convincing, Madara couldn't deny it and his eyes were serious too. But Madara had only one thing in mind now.  
  
“Why didn't you tell me earlier ?” he asked, staring at the other's face and Tobirama cracked a smile, he looked away in shame and shrugged.  
  
“Because you were with Hashi,” Tobirama stated the obvious. “Then, you weren't with him anymore but it felt so wrong to tell you. And you said you'd prefer your soulmate to wait and show up after your exams, so here I am.”  
  
That made Madara laugh. He chuckled, amused with Tobirama's oh-so-serious tone and he glanced one more time at Tobirama before he looked away. “Are you sure ?”  
  
Without missing a beat, Tobirama pulled on his sleeve, revealing his soul mark and it was burning. Quite literally, because it looked like flames, interweaving with each other but the bright red colour was making it seem almost alive and real. The light of the mark was even projecting some parts of the pattern on the ceiling, because of how bright it was and Madara looked up, breathless.  
  
Madara never saw anything like this before, never saw a mark react so strongly but his own mark, now he was thinking about it, was itching. It had been some time, since the last time it acted up and Madara slowly reached for his own sleeve but he paused, before he could take it off. Because if he did, if Tobirama really was his soulmate, it meant so much more than having found each other's match. Tobirama was Hashirama's baby brother, after all, his ex's brother and he was cute and nice and kind with one lovely smile but .. Was Madara really ready for this ? Was he really ready to accept this man as his soulmate, to start something with him ? He had felt better about Hashirama and their whole situation lately but how would Hashirama react to this ? How was Hashirama going to react when he'd know his ex and his brother were soulmates ?  
  
But then, Madara looked up at Tobirama's eyes, he saw the worry and how Tobirama was holding back, making sure not to touch him and he felt his heart sink in his chest. Because Tobirama had really come all the way here to tell him this, to tell him they were soulmates and it was courageous. He had waited all this time, saying more than once that he'd wait until the best time to meet with his soulmate and he had known for so much time ! He had known Madara was his soulmate and had watched him live a great romance with his brother. He even heard them have sex, more than once and Madara couldn’t begin to imagine how it made Tobirama feel.  
  
Madara lowered his head, he closed his eyes just for a second. He, who had hated his soulmates for years, because of the itching of his mark, because he couldn't believe his fate was already sealed with someone, someone else than Hashirama, was now facing his soulmate and he was scared. He had been scared before, to lose Hashirama but it had been nothing like this. It had been nothing like taking that big step and confirming that his mark had been glowing for Tobirama for years now.  
  
“I can help you.” Tobirama's voice took time to arrive to his brain, Madara bit his lip but he nodded and he shivered when the tip of Tobirama's fingers touched his arm. The shifting of the colour started to occur almost immediately, as they were in contact but Tobirama hid it from Madara's view as he was pulling on his sleeve, slowly, until his mark was bare.  
  
Just like Tobirama's mark, Madara's was glowing, the same dark blue hue it always had and in the exact way it had lit up when Madara spent his first night at Hashirama's place. It had reacted to Tobirama's closeness, Madara thought. Not because some stranger had been passing by downstairs. It had been because of Tobirama and Madara watched closely as his own mark shifted colour, from its deep blue, it turned into a dark purple. The same colour Tobirama's mark was now lit up with and Madara dared to look up.  
  
Tobirama looked so calm. Because he had known for so long already, he was barely staring at the marks with a strange contemplation in the eyes but he did glance at Madara's face, a smile tugging at his lips. Madara smiled, too, not knowing how to react and he cleared his throat, shifted closer to the other man.  
  
“You should have told me earlier.” Madara scoffed and he was embarrassed. “It must have been so difficult for you.”  
  
“I couldn't .. break what you and Hashirama had.” Tobirama answered with a sigh. “And I was .. fine.”  
  
“How long have you known ?”  
  
Tobirama's cheeks seemed to burn a little, his smile became awkward. “It burned each time you were at home with Hashirama. Guessing why it acted like this wasn't really hard.” he stated with a smile, his fingers slowly playing with Madara's.  
  
Madara couldn't help but glance at their fingers, until he grabbed Tobirama's hand in his and he looked up at him again.  
  
And he felt it, when Tobirama looked at him in the eyes. The attraction he had been told about. It was there, all over his body. It was his heartbeat quickening and his throat tightening. It was his lips drying and he was forced to wet them a little with the tip of his tongue because of how uncomfortable it was. And it was the ache in his belly, as if something was pulling him around his navel toward Tobirama, as if some invisible force was pulling him to the other man and it was so strong and so implacable and Madara didn't know if he was strong enough to fight back. Hashirama still was occupying half his mind and half his heart and it was hard to think that his soulmate was the brother of the man he still held feelings for, it really was but there was a voice, in the back of his head, telling him how Hashirama would never hold it back against him, that he'd never blame him, as he knew how it felt and he too had succumbed to it with Mito.  
  
Still, Tobirama was looking at him and Madara swallowed hard, as he shifted, as he straightened his back until his lips met with Tobirama's. It was all he had in mind, now, to kiss him, to feel him and Tobirama answered positively, as he kissed back. It was hesitant at first, as they both were testing how it worked between them, how it was supposed to go but they soon found their way, Madara's hand let go of the other's hand to grab his neck and Tobirama smiled.  
  
It felt right. So right and Madara shivered, when Tobirama touched him in return, when Tobirama went for his hair, entwining his fingers into it and holding as gently as he could. And he wanted more, he really did but it probably wasn't the best thing to do for now. They had time now. All the time in the world and Madara pulled back before he couldn't do so anymore, he smiled when Tobirama seemed to follow him, as he wanted more and his smile widened even more when he noticed Tobirama's gaze on his lips, half annoyed half amused.  
  
“You calm down there,” Madara whispered, running his fingers through Tobirama's hair. “I want us to do this properly. And my brother probably is right behind the door.”  
  
“See if I care,” Tobirama groaned and glared at said door but he soon closed his eyes, as Madara kissed his forehead and pulled him into a hug. And this hug felt so much like the one they shared, the day Madara's mark went wild, it felt so right.  
  
“So, you aren't .. mad ?” Tobirama asked, now hidden against Madara's shoulder. “That it is me and not my brother ?”  
  
Madara sighed, he rolled his eyes. “I totally am. Go with Mito, I only need one word to get Hashirama back.” he teased and it made Tobirama pull back abruptly from the hug with quite a scowl on the face and he was about to spit something back when he noticed Madara's expression.  
  
“You ..” he grunted with a huff.  
  
“I'm joking. I told you I was fine about Hashirama, it is the truth,” Madara nodded, being serious again. “He and I are over, he is happy with Mito and it is all that counts for me. I don't want to get back with him.”  
  
“Does it still hurt ?”  
  
Madara's smile faltered at the question but he forced it back on his lips. “Sometimes. I've spent years with him and habits are hard to break.”  
  
“Is this why you have one of his sweater near your pillows ?”  
  
Madara didn't need to look. He knew exactly what was Tobirama talking about. Said sweater was rolled up, sitting beside his pillow and Madara enjoyed to plunge his hand into it while he was falling asleep. More because it was a sensation he enjoyed and less because it was Hashirama's but, without missing a beat, Madara sprawled himself all over the bed to grab the sweater, he held it out to Tobirama and smiled.  
  
“Give it back to him,” He whispered. “I don't need it anymore.”  
  
“Can't do that,” Tobirama shook his head. “If I do, he'll know I came here and he'll know I told you. And I'm not sure I'm ready enough for .. well, Hashirama.”  
  
“Wait ..” Madara sat up with wide eyes. “Hashirama knows ?” he muttered in sheer panic.  
  
“I told him you were my soulmate the day he asked why I was distant with you,” Tobirama explained, with a smirk. “I made him promise to never speak about it with anyone, ever. And to never, ever speak of it with you.”  
  
“We can never tell him we spoke then.” Madara whispered, grabbing Tobirama's shoulders. “Or it'll be the end of our peace.”  
  
“I know,” Tobirama nodded and he leaned forward to steal a kiss from the other, just because he looked adorable but he did share his panic. Hashirama was never going to leave them be, if he knew they spoke, if he knew Tobirama confessed his big secret, he was never going to leave them alone.  
  
The kiss led to the need of more and Madara rolled his eyes, wondering why his body was acting like a teen's but he resisted. He didn't really mind giving into the whole soulmate's story, now he had felt it, now he had felt his attraction for Tobirama and how right it was but he wasn't going to let it dominate his life. He still wanted to be in control.  
  
The sweater flung back to the pillows, as Tobirama threw it there, Madara cleared his throat.  
  
“So, dates ?” he offered, back to a more important matter.  
  
“Like, going to restaurants or to the movies ?” Tobirama questioned and Madara nodded. “I'd rather hang out at home with you. To keep it .. discreet at first. And if Hashirama asks questions, we can just tell him you're helping me with the notes you gave me.”  
  
“Fine by me,” Madara smiled. “I'm really not a party person, I prefer my peace at home.”  
  
“Well ..,” Tobirama smiled, embarrassed again. “If I must be honest .. I only ever went to parties in hope to find my soul-mate.”  
  
Surprised, Madara blinked and tilted his head to the side. “Now, aren't you the romantic kind ..” he commented and it made Tobirama chuckle.  
  
“Oh shut up,” Tobirama sighed. “I really continued to go to parties to avoid hearing you and Hashirama having fun in the room next door.”  
  
Madara ran his hand in Tobirama's hair again at that, making him obviously shiver and he kissed his forehead again, because it felt like the right thing to do. “I'm sorry I didn't notice you,” He admitted. “I was just so .. hateful toward my mark, so desperate to see it glow for Hashirama ..”  
  
“I know,” Tobirama nodded, understanding in the eyes. “I'm not .. The situation wasn't ideal.”  
  
“Is it what you meant to tell me, before Hashirama came home and I went to confront him about Mito ?”  
  
Tobirama nodded again and Madara breathed out slowly through the nose, he shivered as Tobirama shifted closer, just so he could put his arm around his waist and hold him close. There was such calmness around them, as they were staying silent now and Madara resisted the urge to place his head on Tobirama's shoulder. He didn't resist when he grabbed his hand and he closed his eyes when Tobirama caressed his thumb with his and rested his nose in his hair.  
  
“I'll .. go.” Tobirama muttered, his breathing sending new shivers up Madara's spine. “It probably is better we take time away from each other for a while, to figure everything out and think of what we both want.”  
  
“Will you stay around during the holidays ?”  
  
“I don't know yet but I'll try,” Tobirama smiled. “If not, you can text me any time.”  
  
There was a fleeting moment, as none of them really wanted to pull away but Madara took it on himself to stand, without letting go of Tobirama's hand, and lead him to his bedroom's door. Of course, they found Izuna there, caught red handed with his ear against the door as he had been listening to their whole conversation and Madara glared at his brother, only to have Izuna wink in return and enter the room without much of a hint of awkwardness.  
  
The evening was a warm one, as Madara opened the house's door and he turned to Tobirama, looked up at him and smiled. It was obvious that Tobirama didn't want to go, just as Madara didn't want to let him go. Madara didn't know what he'd do, if Tobirama were to stay around, the attraction was quite powerful, that he couldn't ignore it and he probably wouldn't be as innocent as Hashirama had been with Mito. Then again, both Hashirama and Mito knew it probably was a bad idea to sleep together because Hashirama hadn't been single at the time.  
  
Tobirama was single, though and Madara was too so it wouldn't create any problem. It didn't mean it was the right thing to do tonight.  
  
When Tobirama stepped closer, Madara shivered. He knew what they both wanted, what they both needed and it was so strange to feel this attraction toward Tobirama, to feel his gut react so violently to his presence. Why didn't it do the same before ? They had spent time together, just the two of them without things being this obvious. They had spent hours together without feeling the least of attraction. Well, Madara didn't. Was it the case for Tobirama, as he knew ? Had Tobirama been attracted ever since he knew ?  
  
It took Madara all he had not to ask, because it'd probably ruin the moment. Because Tobirama's hands settled on his hips and he stepped closer again, forcing Madara to step back, until he hit the wall behind him and they kissed. That kiss wasn't the same as the first, because it had been so hesitant and experimental. This kiss was passionate, way too personal for two people who didn't know much about each other but so fitting when it came to the thing Madara was feeling deep down his belly. It was his body reacting to his soulmate's presence and it hit him just right, how he probably wouldn't have been angry at Hashirama, had he known how it really felt, to be so close with his soulmate.  
  
But Madara's hand found Tobirama's hair again, making Tobirama groan in the kiss, his other hand tugging at the collar of his shirt, as if he wanted to undress him and he bit Tobirama's lip when fingers reached his butt and grabbed it.  
  
It was that moment the two of them parted, because they probably had the same idea, because they both knew this was going to lead them to something they didn't want to do tonight and Tobirama looked away, flushed and Madara smirked. He couldn't even deny it now, Tobirama was his soulmate and it was going to be hard to stay discreet.  
  
“Alright, I'll just ..” Tobirama trailed and Madara nodded. He didn't need Tobirama to finish his sentence, to know what he meant to say. But he did give Tobirama a soft peck on the lips before he stepped back to let him leave and Tobirama glanced at him one last time before he walked away, head low and hands in his pockets, looking so relaxed and a soft smile on his lips.  
  
Izuna was comfortably sprawled on his bed with his list in hands and looking like he was reading it, when Madara went back to his bedroom but the knowing smile on his brother's lips was enough to tell him that Izuna probably spied on them downstairs too. It wouldn't be unlike him, after all, Izuna was always so curious when it came to him, always wanting to know what he was up to and it hadn't changed ever since they were little.  
  
“So ..” Izuna started but Madara interrupted him.  
  
“Shut up,” he growled, sitting back on his bed and pulling his computer to him to continue reading his article.  
  
“Like I said,” Izuna pointed out with a smirk and ignoring his brother's demand. “He's cute. And you two look nice together ..”  
  
At this point, Madara knew the best thing to do now was to ignore his brother. Not that Izuna was going to take the hint, he was never going to shut up now, especially not if he had seen them kiss but feeding Izuna's teasing would make things even worse. All he wanted was for his brother to leave him alone and stop talking because he needed time to process all the information Tobirama provided him with, to accept the fact that his soulmate was his ex's brother and to acknowledge this new found attraction. Already he felt like he missed Tobirama and Tobirama only had been gone for a couple of minutes.  
  
However, Madara realized quickly how he kept glancing at his mark, still uncovered, noting how the glow was fading until it went back to his usual faint light and he sighed.  
  
Now he prayed Hashirama was never going to know about it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I don't want this fic to be over ! But there will be only one chapter left after this one and it makes me sad ! :(
> 
> But hey, all good things come to their end, don't they ?

Two days later, Madara had decided to go back to Ashura's office. He had quite some time to think about it all since Tobirama's visit and he had many questions now, about soulmates. He had never really thought much about them, he wasn't as romantic as Izuna was and he didn't know half the stuff he should about them. Asking for Izuna's file would have helped, probably but there was no way in hell Madara was going to ask something like that to his baby brother now. Izuna never shut up about Tobirama ever since Tobirama came, he even told their parents that Madara had finally met with his soulmate and now, Madara had to ignore both his brother and his curious mother.  
  
The two of them were so much alike when they acted like that. But thankfully, his father didn't seem to care much about the whole story.  
  
Hashirama was out of question too, because .. Hashirama. His best friend was never going to stop asking stupid question, if only he knew, they were never going to have some peace and Madara wanted to push away the moment he'd have to tell Hashirama as much as he could. And it was a good thing Tobirama had agreed to it because at least, there wouldn't be any misunderstandings about this.  
  
One thing Madara had realized, after these two days, was that whenever he walked past Tobirama, in the corridors of the campus because Madara still wanted to attend the last couple of lessons the teachers were giving, his heart was going crazy. And it was always worse when Tobirama noticed him, glanced at him with the hint of a smile on the lips and it was frustrating and annoying but still amusing. Madara kept hiding his mark, of course and Tobirama was hiding his but Madara could feel his mark pull him to Tobirama, he could feel it burn for him.  
  
They hadn't talked though. They didn't text either. But Madara didn't feel the need to do so.  
  
There were many people, in the main room of the office when Madara arrived and it looked like a group was being formed for the therapy. Ashura was in the middle of it, telling people to sit down and get comfortable but he smiled, when he noticed Madara, excused himself and quickly joined him near the door.  
  
“Madara,” Ashura welcomed with enthusiasm. “Nice seeing you again ! You want to join us today ?” he then offered, tilting his head toward the group.  
  
“No, I .. I'd like to speak with Indra, if that's okay,” Madara answered. He had been scared Ashura wouldn't like it but Ashura never lost his smile. That man truly was a sunshine, much like Minato had been and he couldn't help but feel more comfortable with Indra's apparent coldness.  
  
“Sure,” He nodded. “Do you remember the path to the office ? Go there and wait, Indra will finish his private session soon.”  
  
“Thank you,” Madara said before he turned around and headed to the place Ashura told him to.  
  
Madara waited for a dozen of minutes, leaning against a wall in front of the door until it finally opened on a cold looking Indra. The man eyed him, looking at him from head to toes before he stepped aside and let the person he had been with leave the office. The girl was crying hard, it seemed, a handkerchief in her hand but she smiled at Indra, thanked him softly and left without looking back.  
  
A couple of seconds later, Madara was sitting in front of Indra, watching the garden like he had done each time he found himself there and he couldn't help his smiling.  
  
“Madara,” Indra called with his kind tone. “Your mark.”  
  
“Ah yes,” Madara whispered, pushing down his sleeve and revealing his mark. He had developed quite a habit, in the past days. Until now, he had been comfortable with having it uncovered for short amounts of time, when he was relaxed enough with it but ever since Tobirama had told him the truth, he'd pull the sleeve off right when he arrived home and he'd put it back on when he was leaving the house. He didn't mind anymore if his parents or Izuna saw it, he didn't mind it when he opened the door to a carrier to sign for a package for his father. The man had glanced at his mark with a soft smile and Madara hadn't felt the embarrassment or the shame that had been his, before.  
  
“You seem quite .. Jolly, today,” Indra commented, tilting his head to the side and letting it rest on his propped hand. “Any reason for that ? Were you able to send that text to Hashirama ?”  
  
“I did,” Madara nodded. “He didn't answer, he preferred to wait for me on the campus the next morning. We talked and settled things. We're .. We're fine. Everything's fine with Hashirama.”  
  
“Is there anything you wish to speak of, about Hashirama or shall we close that subject ?”  
  
Madara sighed, he ran his hand in his hair as he was thinking about his answer and he shrugged. “The main reason why I'm here is kind of related to him.”  
  
“How so ?” Indra inquired in his flat tone.  
  
“I met with my soulmate.” Madara said, looking down at his hands.  
  
“And ?”  
  
“And it's Hashirama's younger brother,” was Madara's answer.  
  
Indra was amused with what he just said, it seemed. He was doing his best not to laugh at him and Madara rolled his eyes, knowing he'd probably do so if they weren't in some professional meeting. Indra had to keep his face straight for now, he had to act like the therapist he was and it took him a couple of seconds to get a hold on himself properly.  
  
“Have you just met with him ?” Indra inquired, when he was ready to talk again.  
  
“I've known him for some time,” Madara answered truthfully. “We never interacted much.”  
  
“Were you attracted to him ?”  
  
Madara sighed, looking away from Indra's dark eyes and he pursed his lips. “Not in a conventional way. I admired his dedication to school because it is something that I respect. But I always thought he was cute. I wasn't attracted to him though.”  
  
“Do you think you were too focused on Hashirama to think of him as attractive ?”  
  
Now, that was a question Madara hadn't ever thought about. Had he been too obsessed with Hashirama to notice anyone else ? Strangely enough, Madara didn't need much thinking to think that it might be true. He never looked at another man ever since he and Hashirama had started dating, he never was interested in anyone else during all this time. And it seemed that Indra didn't need him to answer because he nodded his head once.  
  
“There are .. beliefs.” Indra started. “Nothing official nor scientific. But some cultures think that each people you meet, that develop into a meaningful relationship, without it being necessarily romantic, will lead you to your soulmate. That it is Fate's way to help you meet with the perfect person you can be with.”  
  
Madara blinked, stunned with what Indra just said and he was about to retort that he didn't believe in these things, that he didn't believe in fate in such a way but Indra rose a hand to stop him.  
  
“It is merely a common belief and it doesn't mean it is what happened to you,” Indra pointed out with attention. “You met with Hashirama, you fell in love with him and your feelings were true to the core. But despite how much you wanted it, Hashirama isn't your soulmate. His brother is. I do not say it is Destiny that brought the two of you together. But such a coincidence isn't just a coincidence, is it ? Doesn't it feel too big for you ?”  
  
For a minute, Madara wondered what Indra meant with this. Was he saying that Hashirama had something to do with the whole story ? Even if he wasn't conscious of it ? Or Tobirama himself ?  
  
“When did your mark glow for the first time ?”  
  
Madara shifted, glancing at his mark and forced a smile. “I was .. sixteen. There was this concert I attended to with Izuna. And it was quite big.”  
  
“And the next time ?” Indra inquired.  
  
“First day of college. That's when it turned into some Christmas decoration, glowing at weird intervals.” Madara sighed and he really hoped Indra wasn't going to ask about the next times. Because he didn't wish to answer. He didn't wish to remember the bad feelings and the bad memories he had from these times, and how he almost turned crazy.  
  
“When you realized Hashirama's brother was your soulmate, did you ask him where he had been in those moments ?”  
  
This time, Madara frowned. He didn't, really. He didn't have those questions in mind before, he didn't really thought about it, not even after Tobirama's visit. Maybe his brain had avoided the questions, or maybe he had been oblivious but it might be the right thing to ask, wasn't it ? And now was a good time like any other.  
  
So, Madara pulled his phone from his pocket, opened his conversation with Tobirama and took his sweet time to think about what he was going to ask. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it all, he didn't want to act like Hashirama despite the peak of excitement he was feeling deep inside him.  
  
“Why did you choose to study here and not anywhere else ?”  
  
It was neutral. Maybe a bit impersonal with who they truly were to each other but Madara waited, gathering the most patience he could until his phone buzzed in his hand and he swallowed hard as he opened Tobirama's answer.  
  
“My mark glowed when I went to that concert, years ago and I was so excited. Then, Hashirama decided to study here and I knew there were little chances for my mark to glow again but I kept visiting him just to make sure it did. But it never failed to glow so I decided to study in the same college as Hashirama, in hope to find my soulmate. To find you.”  
  
Madara's breathing itched in his throat, as he couldn't stop his free hand to reach for his mouth, so he could hide how his lips were trembling at that. There was so little he knew about Tobirama, barely what little info Hashirama gave him in the past and some of the conversations he and Tobirama had but this was saying way more than that. He had joked, when Tobirama had told him his reasons to go to parties and he had teased him but he hadn't known anything about Tobirama's dedication.  
  
He was a passionate man, Madara realized. Probably as much as Hashirama was. And it touched him deeply to see what he had been up to for him, when all Madara did during all these years was to curse and hate on his mark.  
  
But it explained why his mark had glowed on and off for this time, at least.  
  
“Truly a romantic,” Madara answered, when he was able to think straight again. “And to think I would have never done anything remotely similar ..”  
  
“Don't worry. I can be romantic enough for the two of us if you wish me to. Be prepared though, Hashirama keeps talking about inviting you and your brother home, for some end of school party.” Tobirama answered and Madara smiled.  
  
“Thank you for the head up, I will make sure my brother knows about our deal.” was what Madara replied and Tobirama didn't say anything else after than.  
  
A moment of silence then stretched, as Madara was wondering why Tobirama hadn't talked about this during his visit. But, then again, he hadn't asked and it was more like Izuna to be extremely curious. It wasn't his thing to bombard people with tons of questions and the moment already had been emotional enough. Madara didn't know how he would have reacted if Tobirama had mentioned it face to face but he probably would have wanted to disappear to hide his awkwardness, hence giving Tobirama a chance to gently mock him. He wouldn't have allowed this to happen, for sure.  
  
Then, Madara looked up at Indra's flat expression, at his dark gaze on him and he cleared his throat. It hadn't been just a coincidence, it seemed. He and Tobirama had similar taste in music, when they were younger and the band that had been playing this precise day had announced the end of their tour some time later. It had been their last concert at all and Madara had always been so proud to say he had taken his baby brother to see them right in time.  
  
But, maybe it had been Destiny, that allowed him to go there, that made Tobirama attend to that same concert too. Maybe it had been something greater than them, the first little push of a whole chain of events that had led them to today and Madara wasn't ready to believe in Fate or Destiny but he could believe in Luck.  
  
“You were right,” Madara whispered out of the blue because he did have it in mind since Tobirama's visit. “About the attraction. I understand now, why Hashirama couldn't resist. It was ..”  
  
“Did you have sex ?” Indra asked without missing a beat.  
  
Madara's eyes widened when he heard the question, both surprised and shocked with how flat Indra's tone was and he stared at the man, until Indra tilted his head to the side.  
  
“It's common,” He explained. “Most people can't resist it. The need for physical contact becomes so strong they have sex. But I suppose your own situation wasn't the most appropriate for sex, since your soulmate is your ex's brother.”  
  
“We kissed,” Madara admitted. “I felt the attraction and the need for more but I thought it was best if we took our time. I want .. I really want things to go right with him.”  
  
“Do you think you can fall in love with him, despite the fact he is Hashirama's brother ?”  
  
Madara was a little taken aback with the question, because he had avoided to ask himself that until then, because he hadn't given himself the time to think about it. But it was a good question. But the answer was obvious, wasn't it ? Still he held feelings for Hashirama and it was going to take time to let them fade completely, to let go of the romantic side of it but Hashirama was going to help with that, because he was his best friend and because he always had been here for him. And falling for Tobirama ? He probably could do that. Tobirama fulfilled the two conditions Madara once evoked when Hashirama asked what he wanted in his soulmate. For his soulmate to be a man and to have a nice smile.  
  
And Tobirama's smile was a wonder.  
  
Indra nodded, as an understanding mark, without needing Madara to answer and he folded his hands on his lap, looking at Madara with expectancy, as he was waiting for the next subject Madara wanted to talk about. But Madara was feeling better. They hadn't talked much but his questions had slowly vanished from his thoughts as Indra had asked the only ones that truly mattered. He didn't feel the need to speak of it anymore and Madara stood up slowly. Indra was a good person to talk with, and maybe Madara would come back, if he needed, if things didn't go like he wanted with Tobirama. He'd come back here and he'd ask to meet with Indra and he hoped he would still be allowed to do so, even now he had met with his soulmate and felt at peace with it.  
  
“You will always be welcome here, Madara,” Indra said and Madara smiled, his heart heavy in his chest because of the man's almost fatherly tone. “Be happy with that man and promise me you'll bear your mark with pride, once you'll be ready for it.”  
  
“I will,” Madara whispered, pulling his sleeve back on.  
  
“It was a real pleasure talking with you.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys ! Our last chapter !
> 
> I must say, uploading this fic was a lot of fun for me, I loved every ones of your comments and it meant a lot to me, to see how enthusiastic you were !  
> Maybe I'll try writing a sequel, if I'm motivated enough, if I can find nice things to write! I'm making no promises though !
> 
> I had an idea for some other MadaTobi fic earlier but I'm deep into Final fantasy 15 lately so no promise either !
> 
> I love you all so much for your support <3

Madara received Hashirama's invitation to his little party several days later.  
  
School was officially over now, they were still waiting for their exam results but Madara's stress had disappeared. He was pretty sure he had been good enough to graduate and if not, he'd just have to work a little more next year and he'd be good.  
  
Hashirama's text had been quite simple. He had told him that Izuna was invited, that they could show up around eight and Hashirama had warned him that Mito would be here too. Madara merely answered that he was fine with it. Maybe there would be some awkwardness in the moment, maybe not. But they wouldn't know before he faced her again and he strangely hoped she wouldn't feel lonely because of her lack of skill in their language.  
  
Madara was trying to hide it, especially from Izuna but he was eager to see Tobirama again. And he knew he was going to have to be careful, because Hashirama would be around and they couldn't offer to let the man know just yet, because he was never going to let them be but he truly wanted to, at least, have some time alone with the man. He had talked about it with Izuna, had told him that they didn't want Hashirama to know and Izuna had promised to do what he could to help.  
  
Madara trusted his brother on that. Izuna was a manipulative little shit.  
  
The evening of the party arrived and Madara was feeling so calm. He could remember well how nervous he had been with his first boyfriends, how he had wished not to mess everything up. Even with Hashirama, it had been so awkward, sometimes but not tonight. Tonight, he was feeling at peace with himself and he would have gone to Hashirama's place without his sleeve on if he could have. He couldn't afford it though, because of Hashirama.  
  
To be honest, there were chances that Hashirama might not be that invasive but Madara doubted it. Because Hashirama was a passionate man, he was exuberant and had no shame at all. No filter when he talked either and it led to weird moments in the past. He was the king when it came to turning normal situations into embarrassing ones and Madara wanted to avoid that at all cost.  
  
There was something Madara had to do though. That's why he prepared a plastic bag with all the stuff Hashirama left in his bedroom, including the infamous sweater. Not that he really wanted to get rid of it all, most of these objects held memories Madara was fond of, memories of his relationship with Hashirama and it would be useless and stupid to pretend it didn't happen. Yes, he had a romance with Hashirama, one that lasted for years and probably shaped him a particular way and yes, he was keeping the cactus but only because said cactus wasn't dying like the others and Madara wasn't going to stop taking care of it now. He was too proud of himself to bring it back to Hashirama. It wasn't even the original one but really the fifth or sixth.  
  
Hashirama didn't need to know this.  
  
Izuna, by his side as they were climbing the stairs to Hashirama's floor looked quite relaxed with the situation. He always had been comfortable around Hashirama, after all and Izuna never was one to get anxious with new people. Madara didn't worry for him, Izuna would be fine, even if the people he'd be around with weren't his own friends. Izuna hadn't even thought much before accepting the invitation with delight.  
  
Madara suspected Izuna had in mind the mission he gave him and was taking it way too seriously but Madara wasn't going to complain, if it allowed him to spend some time alone with Tobirama.  
  
It was Mito who opened the door after Madara knocked. Just like the one time he saw her, and on the picture Hashirama had sent for Izuna to see, she was gorgeous. She was wearing a really long summer dress, her hair was loose on her shoulders. Her smile, when she recognized him widened so much that Madara felt his heart flutter a little, because he had feared she'd feel awkward too. She didn't though and it was better this way.  
  
“Madara,” she whispered, placing a soft hand on his arm and pulling him inside. _“Entre, bienvenue !”_  
  
She kissed both his cheeks, confusing him to no end but Hashirama, from the kitchen, chuckled and waved his hand. “Don't mind it, her traditions are weird !”  
  
Mito ignored him, as she did the same to Izuna. But, just like Madara planned it, Izuna didn't seem to care, he went with whatever she wanted to do, smiling up at her and greeting her with that sneaky, flirty smile of his and she seemed to enjoy it.  
  
Hashirama's phone started to ring in the background, as Madara glanced at Tobirama's door while he was walking toward the couch. The door was ajar and Madara wondered, for a while, what was Tobirama doing, why wasn't he here already but he merely sat down, setting the plastic bag on the coffee table and he focused his attention on his little brother who was speaking with Mito in her language, as comfortable as he always was. Madara didn't understand everything they said but it seemed that Izuna was complimenting her dress and she was blushing hard as he did so.  
  
Izuna really was a flirt, it seemed.  
  
“Alright, guys, the pizzeria called, they had a problem with their delivery guy so I have to go get our order.” Hashirama explained, annoyed. “Mito, _tu viens avec moi ?”_  
  
The lady nodded, holding herself against the door to slip on her high heels shoes and Izuna smiled.  
  
“I'll help !” Izuna exclaimed.  
  
Soon enough, the three of them were gone and, thanking his brother with all his heart, Madara waited until he couldn't hear them anymore to stand and knock at Tobirama's bedroom door. A grunt answered to him, Madara pushed the door opened and he pursed his lips when he realized Tobirama was on the phone, his back to the door, sitting on his chair with his legs crossed on the window frame.  
  
“Yeah, Mom, I'll tell Hashi.” Tobirama was saying and Madara pushed his shoulder against the door's frame because he didn't want to bother him while he was speaking with his mother. “He said you'll sleep in his bed and he'll take the couch. Yes, he'll probably introduce you to her. She's nice. Yes, really beautiful. No, please Mom, don't take lessons, Hashirama will translate for you, don't worry.”  
  
Madara snorted. For the past years, he had heard a lot about the brothers' mother, and she always seemed to be quite the woman, strong and independent and really enthusiastic. Much like Hashirama and he never had the pleasure to meet with her because she never came in town but it seemed like she was going to make the trip this time and Hashirama surely was ecstatic about it. He loved his mother more than anything.  
  
“Listen, Mom, our friends arrived. Yes, I'll call you again tomorrow. Goodnight. Love you.”  
  
Tobirama hung up, after that, he sighed and Madara cleared his throat to remind him of his presence. It made Tobirama turn around on his chair, he carefully threw his phone on his desk and offered him a soft look.  
  
“Why is it so calm ?” Tobirama asked, trying to look behind Madara.  
  
“Delivery problem, they all left to retrieve the pizzas,” Madara explained, folding his arms on his chest and raising an eyebrow.  
  
Tobirama didn't seem to resist much. He didn't look like he tried at all either, because he stood up slowly, walked to him and grabbed his cheeks to kiss him with gentleness, obviously happy to do so. Madara couldn't help but smile in the kiss, as he had missed it all week and he closed his eyes when Tobirama hugged him and took advantage of the couple of centimetres taller he was to kiss the top of his head.  
  
“Your mother is coming ?” Madara asked, placing his head against Tobirama's shoulder.  
  
“Yeah. She never travelled much so she's really anxious.” Tobirama said with a sigh. “She'll stay for two weeks. My father will be working though.”  
  
“Hashirama must be thrilled.” Madara smiled.  
  
“I am too.”  
  
Madara nodded, Tobirama's hold on him seemed to tighten. They hadn't been able to touch the other in a week and it had felt like an eternity and Madara couldn't help but wonder if it was going to get easier with time. Probably not, but he could get used to it. Right now, it felt like an addiction to a drug he barely knew and Tobirama didn't seem to want to let go either.  
  
“You .. Don't feel so bad ?” Tobirama asked after a moment. “Because of Mito ?”  
  
“I am still not over her beauty,” Madara admitted. “But I'll be fine.”  
  
“You keep saying this,” Tobirama pointed out, straightening his back to look at Madara's eyes. “Would you tell me, if you weren't ?”  
  
“I'd .. try,” Madara promised, running his hand in Tobirama's hair.  
  
“Good enough,” the taller man smiled.  
  
It couldn't have been more obvious that they were soulmates. They were looking at each other's eyes, as if they could understand each other this way, as if they could communicate through the twitch of a muscle or a glance to the side. Madara couldn't keep his hands to himself anymore, he had placed them on Tobirama's hips, he was holding him close and he should have been awkward, because they didn't know much about each other but it really wasn't. Something, the marks probably, was pulling them together, forcing their heart to beat on the same rhythm and Madara had a hard time believing he was there, after spending years hating his soulmate but it wasn't an issue anymore. For the first time in a long time, he was allowing himself to hope for the best.  
  
And Madara still had lots of questions to ask Tobirama. He wanted to know if he had felt this attraction ever since he knew who his soulmate was, he wanted to make sure Tobirama didn't suffer too much with his own situation. But he didn't ask them. Instead, he smiled at Tobirama, earning that wonderful smile of his in return and he caressed his cheek, grabbed his hand to pull him toward the couch in the living room. Tobirama's bed would have been closer but Madara still had Indra's question in mind about sex and they probably didn't have the time for a quickie before the others came back.  
  
A quickie really wasn't what he'd go for, were he to have sex with Tobirama. It'd probably last for hours before the two of them would be satisfied. Hell, he couldn't deny wanting to hear Tobirama call his name in need for release.  
  
They sat together on the couch, not that close with each other except with how Tobirama was holding his hand and Tobirama glanced at the plastic bag.  
  
“What is this ?”  
  
“Hashirama's stuff,” Madara sighed. “I thought it'd be the right moment to bring it all back. Including the ugly sweater.”  
  
“He .. gathered your stuff from his room too,” Tobirama said. “You probably shouldn't go to his room to retrieve it yourself though.”  
  
“Because Mito left some of her stuff there ? Or because his bed is messy enough for me to understand they fucked each other's brain last night ?” Madara inquired, glancing at the man and, from Tobirama's deep blush, he probably was right with both options. “I know your brother,” Madara reminded him with a smirk. “I know his sex drive. It was already surprising he kept his hands to himself when he first spent the night in her bed.”  
  
“She is so loud,” Tobirama said, rolling his eyes. “I don't think she even realizes how loud she is when she moans. It makes me regret the nights when I could hear you with him. And it makes me want to move out and have my own apartment to live in.”  
  
“Well,” Madara smiled and glanced at his soulmate. “I .. My parents have a flat in town. They had agreed to let Hashirama and I live there for free if we did some work in it. It needs some fresh paint and a new bathroom and some other little things.” he explained, trying not to smile too much. “I don't think they'll rent it before the work is done so I'll probably be living there soon, doing it for them. You can always .. visit me when you don't want to hear Mito's moans.”  
  
Tobirama couldn't hold back his surprise, it seemed, as he was staring at Madara with wide eyes, looking as if he wasn't believing what he was hearing and Madara looked away and shrugged in an innocent manner.  
  
“There will be work to do and they're quite picky. But I won't be able to do it all on my own.” Madara sighed. “So I'd be happy if you helped me a little ..”  
  
It took Tobirama a whole minute to process it all and to swallow hard, trying to gather his thoughts. But a soft smile tugged at his lips, as he tilted his head to the side, his eyes never leaving Madara's face.  
  
“Wouldn't it be like living together ?” He inquired, in a teasing tone. “Isn't it too quick for you ?”  
  
“You are my soulmate, aren't you ?” Madara answered, looking right back at him and with so much confidence it made Tobirama shiver.  
  
“And you say I'm the romantic one ..”  
  
Tobirama was about to lean in, to kiss Madara, to hide the way his heart was beating fast in his chest and how his cheeks were slowly turning red with the embarrassment he was feeling. Madara had thought quickly of this, of the situation and it probably would be strange at first but it was a good way to learn more about each other, wasn't it ? They'd spend time together, doing something productive rather than just sitting down and watching TV or doing homework and it'd allow them to talk. Madara knew his parents weren't going to mind Tobirama there, as long as the work was done.  
  
And it really wouldn't be like living together at first. Maybe they could do share the bedroom one night or two, at first, until they felt like they could do more than that, until they felt like becoming more serious with their relationship. Madara didn't want to rush it but he couldn't ignore his attraction for Tobirama, he couldn't ignore the way the mark pulled him to the other man. He always had wanted to believe in soulmates and it was his chance to do so, after all.  
  
Tobirama's lips brushed against his, Madara automatically closed his eyes, ready for one heartfelt kiss when they both heard noise coming from behind the front door and Tobirama blushed hard. Madara didn't think twice before standing up and opening the door for the rest of the group to come in, helping with with the many pizza card-boxes they were holding. He was frustrated he hadn't been able to kiss Tobirama again but they'd have the chance to do so later. He hoped so, anyways.  
  
Soon, they were all seated on the couch, Izuna had taken it on himself to sit on the floor, reassuring Hashirama and telling him he was quite comfortable like that. He kept chatting with Mito, looking so impressed with her beauty and Madara wondered, for a moment, if he didn't fall for her. It'd lead to a weird situation, if he did. Or maybe he'd be invited to share their bed at some point, if Mito was into this kind of things. Madara knew all too well that Hashirama was a lot into threesomes and they did invite a friend of theirs in the past, when they had wanted to spice things up.  
  
And he was pretty sure Izuna wouldn't say no to such an invitation.  
  
It took them at least fifteen minutes to find a movie to watch on Hashirama's hard drive, as they all had to agree on it and to make sure there would be subtitles for Mito to understand what was happening but once it started, Madara found himself stuck between Tobirama and the couch's armrest. To be that close to Tobirama and having to resist the need to touch him wasn't an easy stunt to pull but he did grab Tobirama's hand, after he made sure the others wouldn't notice it. They had turned off the lights, after all, the three others were focused on what was happening on the screen. And Madara shivered, when he felt Tobirama's thumb caress his hand and he leaned as discreetly as possible against the man, enjoying how close they were. He even kissed Tobirama's shoulder at some point, the most silently he could and Tobirama seemed to enjoy the gesture.  
  
However, they didn't have the time to react, when Hashirama suddenly stood up, announcing he had to use the bathroom and despite the lack of light, he saw them, he noticed how close they were, noticed their hands and he pointed a finger at them, quickly turning on the light again. His eyes were wide, sparkling with malice and Madara moved away from Tobirama, even if he knew it was too late.  
  
“Wait, are you two ... Did you tell him ?” Hashirama asked his brother in an excited tone. “Madara do you know !?”  
  
“Calm down, brother,” Tobirama growled, looking as annoyed as possible despite the soft blush on his cheeks.  
  
“No !” Hashirama almost yelled. “Mito look they're holding hands in secret !” He then called for his girlfriend and it didn't seem like Mito needed someone to translate this time. “You two are so cute ! Holding hands! I think I'm gonna cry !”  
  
“Hashi, come on, don't overdo it,” Madara sighed, rolling his eyes but used to his friend's personality.  
  
“My baby brother and my best friend together ! Finally ! I've waited for so long !” Hashirama exclaimed and he probably had woken up the whole floor already with his screaming.  
  
Madara shook his head. This was it, this was the end of their peace and he had predicted it. He shouldn't have held Tobirama's hand, for sure but he couldn't help it, he needed the contact. Maybe it had been a bad idea to come unprepared. Maybe they should have seen each other before tonight, to try and get rid of the need, to try and act their role a better way. And he could see Izuna snicker in the background and Madara sure was going to yell at his baby brother after that. Mostly because he really wasn't helping him.  
  
“Hashi,” Mito sighed, shaking her head in a desperate manner. _“Calme toi. Laisse les tranquilles ..”_  
  
“No !” Hashirama answered. “Kiss ! I want to see you two kiss !”  
  
“Brother, we aren't going to ..” Tobirama started but he was interrupted by his brother.  
  
“Oh please !” Hashirama whined, turning into the puppy he could become when he truly wanted something.  
  
Madara sighed at that. He knew they were already losing. For Hashirama to use that kind of technique, it meant he was never going to let go until he'd get what he wanted. They had no other choice and he grabbed Tobirama's collar, started to pull the man toward him.  
  
“Wait, Mada, don't give in, you don't have to ..” Tobirama tried to protest but it already was too late as Madara was pulling him into a kiss. Tobirama didn't move, at first, too shocked with the gesture and he tried to pull away but Madara was strong and he eventually gave in. All he needed was for Madara to nibble at his lip to forget about his fight against his brother. Madara did smile in the kiss, when he felt Tobirama relax with him, and he placed his arms around the man's neck, a hand buried in his hair. Without thinking much, Madara got rid of his sleeve, because he had nothing to hide anymore now, and adrenaline burned his veins as Tobirama grabbed his shirt and finally accepted the situation.  
  
It hadn't been what they had planned and Madara knew he was going to regret it soon as he heard Hashirama's exclamations but he didn't care anymore. His soul mark had tortured him ever since it started glowing, it had hurt him and almost drove him crazy but now, he was free from all of these worries. He was free from the pain and the hate and the need to get rid of it. And he was free from the boundaries he had set on himself just because he didn't want to believe.  
  
Madara didn't know if it was Fate that brought them together, or Destiny or Luck, even but he didn't care anymore.  
  
All he cared about, was to feel Tobirama's skin under his fingers, to feel the warmth of his body near his and to enjoy all the little moments they'd be able to spend together in the near future without fearing someone might walk on them. Even if it started with one passionate kiss on that precise couch, with Hashirama cheering on them, Mito trying to calm down her boyfriend and Izuna laughing in the background.  
  
Soon, maybe, he'd fall in love with that man. But he was on the right path for this, wasn't he ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations of the french sentences :
> 
> "Entre, bienvenue !” = "Come in, welcome !"  
> "tu viens avec moi ?" = "Are you coming with me ?"  
> “Calme toi. Laisse les tranquilles ..” = "Calm down. Leave them be..."


End file.
